Asked my mom permission to CTB

[dandan]

So its mother's day
and since early in the morning I looked up and call my mother
We couldnt talk, until 20 minutes ago

I love her, she's my saving angel, she loves me....
Things have not come out cool for me... depression and other bad things, mental, emotional issues...

I told her I love her....

She asked about me, how am I doing...
I'm not even sure I will see her again...
okay im maybe exagerating.... but im thinking is not a bad idea to CTB next week, specially if someone partners up with me...

So I told my mom, I'm afraid of not seeing her again...
I am not in my best moments mom. and she knows I want to CTB
and she said
its painful to think about that
but that she wants me to stop suffering, its been 20 years of me hanging on through depression and treatments
she's accepted the reality that I might CTB

my mom's the Greatest! love her

 

[JoeFailure]

It's sad but in a way you're very lucky. I feel like my parents will be devastated but I just don't think I have a choice. And they would never understand even though they are great parents.

She is an amazing mom, certainly can't be easy to understand that for your child but also not wanting for you to suffer and truly empathizing with that takes a lot.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Damn I envy you, it must be so comforting to have your parents blessing, a huge part of the reason many don´t ctb me included is guilt that we will ruin our parents lives.

 

[dandan]

I know, she's been with me since the start, 20 years ago
she's done a lot to keep me alive

don't get me wrong, she's devastated already, and she said this with a low voice, because like she said, its painful for her too.

but she respects my decision, she says she doesnt want me to suffer, thats amazing and lovely, cheers to that!

Damn I envy you, it must be so comforting to have your parents blessing, a huge part of the reason many don´t ctb me included is guilt that we will ruin our parents lives.

hey I still have the same fear,
my mom can be brave and say many things, but the pain is there... and it would sure cause a big pain, maybe even so ruining their lives... so I am also afraid of this...

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Beautiful mom you have there. Even if you were not on the greatest terms.

 

[dandan]

Beautiful mom you have there. Even if you were not on the greatest terms.

Even if I didnt turned out like she wanted too. She deserves pure love and satisfaction.

Im actually afraid that if I dont CTB
She would only continue to feel bad about me suffering and complaining...
maybe the best thing is to go....
for her sake...
for my brothers sake... and his new coming baby!! which I wish the best
and for me too....

If I dont CTB
I'll continue complaining and I'll continue regretting
Unless I achieve to actually make something, build something, create something...

 

[Empty Smile]

Today is Mother's Day?

 

[dandan]

Today is Mother's Day?

yes, and today I called my mother and told her that I LOVE her

she asked me how I'm doing, and shit... nothing good comes out...
but she understands and thats wonderful!!

 

[Empty Smile]

I'm glad she understands! Most mom's go into a panic...

Where are you from? Here mother's day isn't until Sunday.

 

[dandan]

Hi mate, im from Mexico

and today is mother's day, 10th of May

here its always the 10th of May, my beautiful mom

 

[dyingtodie]

Happy for you :) Sorry you gotta ctb but glad you have her blessing.

 

[TAW122]

I'm happy that your mother has come to respect your choice and decision. While it is always sad to see a loved one pass, sometimes the pain is too much and death is relief from it. I'm hoping you are able to find peace soon and for your mother to be able to cope effectively despite it being an difficult situation for both you and her.

 

[Tally]

So its mother's day
and since early in the morning I looked up and call my mother
We couldnt talk, until 20 minutes ago

I love her, she's my saving angel, she loves me....
Things have not come out cool for me... depression and other bad things, mental, emotional issues...

I told her I love her....

She asked about me, how am I doing...
I'm not even sure I will see her again...
okay im maybe exagerating.... but im thinking is not a bad idea to CTB next week, specially if someone partners up with me...

So I told my mom, I'm afraid of not seeing her again...
I am not in my best moments mom. and she knows I want to CTB
and she said
its painful to think about that
but that she wants me to stop suffering, its been 20 years of me hanging on through depression and treatments
she's accepted the reality that I might CTB

my mom's the Greatest! love her

I'm in a similar position of being able to have that conversation, and an apparent acceptance that whilst it would be unbearable for her for me not to be here, it is unbearable to see how much I suffer. However, sometimes this thinking from her breaks, and I realise that she would always want one more try, or feel that there was one more thing she wanted to try. It is so hard to know the reality of what someone thinks, when dealing with literal life/death moments.

 

[Jen Erik]

That's good, I hope knowing at least that much gives you some peace, dandan.

 

[Donewitheverything]

It's quite rare to find parents who would support and understand that their child would want to ctb. Though, it makes me happy that your mother is understanding of your struggles and would prefer not having you suffer anymore. That's a really incredible amount of love.

 

[Mogley26]

Even if I didnt turned out like she wanted too. She deserves pure love and satisfaction.

Im actually afraid that if I dont CTB
She would only continue to feel bad about me suffering and complaining...
maybe the best thing is to go....
for her sake...
for my brothers sake... and his new coming baby!! which I wish the best
and for me too....

If I dont CTB
I'll continue complaining and I'll continue regretting
Unless I achieve to actually make something, build something, create something...

You are so fortunate. I wish you the best and can relate. I know my death will be hard on my parents, but if I stick around it could be even more painful. I need courage to kick the chair for sure.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So its mother's day
and since early in the morning I looked up and call my mother
We couldnt talk, until 20 minutes ago

I love her, she's my saving angel, she loves me....
Things have not come out cool for me... depression and other bad things, mental, emotional issues...

I told her I love her....

She asked about me, how am I doing...
I'm not even sure I will see her again...
okay im maybe exagerating.... but im thinking is not a bad idea to CTB next week, specially if someone partners up with me...

So I told my mom, I'm afraid of not seeing her again...
I am not in my best moments mom. and she knows I want to CTB
and she said
its painful to think about that
but that she wants me to stop suffering, its been 20 years of me hanging on through depression and treatments
she's accepted the reality that I might CTB

my mom's the Greatest! love her

At least she understands what you have been through and why you want to CTB. I don't have that. My parents are Jesus Freaks.
There isn't any way I could tell them and have them understand. They don't even know how much pain I'm in just being here.
I'm hoping to CTB soon … I don't have a date set. I really want to be gone before another winter. (Live in the Northeast U.S.)
I really hate winter.
If you CTB before I do … I wish you peace.

It's sad but in a way you're very lucky. I feel like my parents will be devastated but I just don't think I have a choice. And they would never understand even though they are great parents.

She is an amazing mom, certainly can't be easy to understand that for your child but also not wanting for you to suffer and truly empathizing with that takes a lot.

I feel the same about my parents. If life weren't so awful … maybe I could try to stick it out longer. I'm just exhausted trying to survive.
I agree … your mom is amazing.

 

[Maksimka Ai]

So its mother's day
and since early in the morning I looked up and call my mother
We couldnt talk, until 20 minutes ago

I love her, she's my saving angel, she loves me....
Things have not come out cool for me... depression and other bad things, mental, emotional issues...

I told her I love her....

She asked about me, how am I doing...
I'm not even sure I will see her again...
okay im maybe exagerating.... but im thinking is not a bad idea to CTB next week, specially if someone partners up with me...

So I told my mom, I'm afraid of not seeing her again...
I am not in my best moments mom. and she knows I want to CTB
and she said
its painful to think about that
but that she wants me to stop suffering, its been 20 years of me hanging on through depression and treatments
she's accepted the reality that I might CTB

my mom's the Greatest! love her

I am now doing a visa to Cancun, I plan to fly on June 3, most of all I fear that when I fly, I may not be allowed into the country, and may be deported back.

 

[IronTusk]

Sad...

 

[dandan]

I'm undecided....
but I love my mom, thanks mom

I'm in a similar position of being able to have that conversation, and an apparent acceptance that whilst it would be unbearable for her for me not to be here, it is unbearable to see how much I suffer. However, sometimes this thinking from her breaks, and I realise that she would always want one more try, or feel that there was one more thing she wanted to try. It is so hard to know the reality of what someone thinks, when dealing with literal life/death moments.

definitely....

I wish you get better or find your peace. Hugs

I am now doing a visa to Cancun, I plan to fly on June 3, most of all I fear that when I fly, I may not be allowed into the country, and may be deported back.

nobody gets kicked out of México... dont worry

enjoy... and hope you find what you are looking for

 

[JadedGray]

Glad your mom has come to accept your decision. It certainly is one less (major) thing to have to worry about when you're planning to CTB and makes the process much easier without that weight on your shoulders, and the guilt from worrying how she'll take it when you go.