Venting Ashamed of myself

[Philip]

yes, the taste is not too unpleasant at all. I drank it in 3-4 gulps.

Thank you so much for the info......makes me feel so much better for this method.

 

[LostGirl]

Thank you so much for the info......makes me feel so much better for this method.

Most welcome, I wish you the best.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

20g in100ml water

Wow, that sucks, I'm so sorry:( I hate having to ask questions after what you've been through but this is also my method of choice so I want to know as much about it as possible. You said you downed 20 grams, how much do you weigh if you don't mind me asking? Sorry if this is a personal question and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Anyway, hope you can eventually break free from the clutches of family. I'm in the same boat as I too am more restricted since my failed attempt, I know how you feel.

 

[OkTotti]

I drank it at around 0900 but don't know what time they came in. When i came around, it was already midnight and I was in ICU.

So does this mean your drank the SN at 9AM in the morning? Or did you take it at 9PM at night?

 

[Gainax]

Since it took you an hour to lose consciousness can you tell which SN you bought?was it from a company delivered in a sealed container like apcpure stuff or was a homemade stuff delivered in a bag over ebay?

Did you follow ppeh and take antiacid?

Since SN takes a few hours to kill its better to do it at night where everybody presumes you are preparing to sleep, either in hotel or even at a house.

Next time doing it at night should do the trick.

 

[15dec]

I'm so sorry you went through so much pain and that the hotel staff didn't respect your wishes not to be disturbed. I know it may be hard but please don't feel ashamed that your attempt failed, I'm sure you'll find your peace one day.

Also, thank you for sharing the information about the sn, it's really useful.

 

[Jadon91]

I'm really sorry for you. You were so close to eternal peace, but unfortunately for an unfortunate coincidence you did not get it.

Can I ask you a few questions about how you did the method? You have made some anti-emetic regimen? If not, what dose did you take?

 

[LostGirl]

Wow, that sucks, I'm so sorry:( I hate having to ask questions after what you've been through but this is also my method of choice so I want to know as much about it as possible. You said you downed 20 grams, how much do you weigh if you don't mind me asking? Sorry if this is a personal question and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Anyway, hope you can eventually break free from the clutches of family. I'm in the same boat as I too am more restricted since my failed attempt, I know how you feel.

I am sorry you are in a similar situation as me. Oh and I weigh about 50 kg.

So does this mean your drank the SN at 9AM in the morning? Or did you take it at 9PM at night?

Yes, 9 am.

I'm really sorry for you. You were so close to eternal peace, but unfortunately for an unfortunate coincidence you did not get it.

Can I ask you a few questions about how you did the method? You have made some anti-emetic regimen? If not, what dose did you take?

I took zantec 2 hrs before and maxolon 30mg an hr before. I didn't vomit.

 

[Sinbad]

Yes, 9 am.

This is where you made the mistake.

Since SN takes a few hours to kill its better to do it at night where everybody presumes you are preparing to sleep, either in hotel or even at a house.

Next time doing it at night should do the trick.

Exactly.

 

[cu1len]

I myself have also had a failed attempt, however I was fortunate enough for none of my family or friends to notice (I slit my wrists but not deep enough). You should not be ashamed because you are not the first person for this to happen to, nor will you be the last. Your family is just scared to lose you, but try explaining to them how YOU feel. If they care about you they should realize that you tried to ctb for a reason. They love you and don't understand why you would want to ctb. I know how hard it is to talk to people you have lived around most of your life about dying, but give it a chance. Maybe they can help you to be happier? Maybe they've had their own experiences with friends or even their own attempts at ctb! You deserve peace no matter how it is reached.

 

[Final Escape]

Don't be ashamed, you have a lot of courage and u made the effort. Failure can happen, this isn't easy. Think of it as a learning experience. You will have to pretend you're ok for awhile until they let down their guard again lol!

 

[OnlyMercy]

Thank you very much for sharing your experience with SN here. It is much appreciated and very informative.

 

[Arak]

@LostGirl ,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you went through this. Although I'm not quite sure it would be appropriate to say I'm sorry you're not dead.

As @Sinbad said '
Yes, 9 am.
Click to expand...
This is where you made the mistake.'

Unfortunately. I think that in a previous post you mentioned the country you are in. I do not know what is common there, but people often leave their rooms in the morning. It's a more obvious time for staff to come in. I would not have too much faith in 'do not disturb' signs.
Yet I wonder, did someone perhaps come in because you made noise ? Do you know if that happened ? Convulsions are not uncommon in a state of hypoxia.

About the specififcs of your attempt: 'Tasted like salt. I had a headache and a burning throat before I passed out. The pain was bearable.' How would you characterize the pain ? Mild, moderate, severe ? A pounding headache ? Any intestinal distress ?

'I am back home and my family is watching me like a hawk. What shall I do? pls help.' I'll be respectful enough not to mention the country you're in (if I remember correctly), but I was under the impression that suicide was not considered such a taboo over there.

The one advantage with being young in a situation like this is that you have time to prepare for a next attempt, if that is what you wish. There are many methods.

 

[21Neberg]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think you should lay low for a bit, until suspicions lower and you get some privacy again. That's when you can attempt again, but this time without housekeeping interrupting you. Best of luck