Venting Ashamed of asking for help

[chapitaupe]

Currently in a mental state where I'm trying to build the courage to make an appointment with a therapist/psychiatrist/idk yet. Hopefully it would help me get a clearer idea of what is wrong with me. My problem is I keep getting stuck mentally when I have something important to do for myself (either positive or negative, that's also the reason I still haven't CTB lol). I know what I have to do, but I'm just stuck. I also get really anxious when it comes to taking appointments, making phone calls etc, so it's not really helping.
Deep down I know that being supported or pushed by someone IRL would help me and motivate me to do things, but I really don't want to ask anyone for help. I feel like this is none of their business, I don't want to bother them with my silly and shitty mental health, they have more important things to do and I don't want them to act out of pity. I'm not close to anyone in my life so I can't ask anyone anyways.
I could eventually talk to my dad, but knowing him he'd just makes me feel shame or he wouldn't understand.
Now I'm just trying to convince me that no one is going to save me, no one can read my mind, that I must take responsibility of my own mental health. It's really hard.

I hope I'll get there eventually (:

 

[Ghostlights]

First of all... congrats on realizing, that you should seek professional help. That's already a huge step in the right direction!
I find your situation very relatable. I'm also trying to find the courage to go to therapy...
One thing I've realized is, that it probably won't happen if I just sit around and wait, because I've been doing that for years, came close to ctb and still didn't seek any help.
Recently, I started taking notes on things, that I'd like to address in therapy or things I'd probably need to answer. Here's a list:

• Why have I decided to go to therapy?
• What are my goals/what do I want to achieve by going to therapy?
• current problems/situations I'm facing, how they make me feel and what I tried to do about it
• How would I describe my childhood and my teenage years?
• things other people did to me and how it affected me
• things I struggle with
• thought patterns, that stop me from getting better
• Which (non mental) changes have I noticed? (e.g. loss of appetite, difficulties falling asleep, trouble to concentrate)
• What stopped me from seeking help earlier?

 

[chapitaupe]

First of all... congrats on realizing, that you should seek professional help. That's already a huge step in the right direction!
I find your situation very relatable. I'm also trying to find the courage to go to therapy...
One thing I've realized is, that it probably won't happen if I just sit around and wait, because I've been doing that for years, came close to ctb and still didn't seek any help.
Recently, I started taking notes on things, that I'd like to address in therapy or things I'd probably need to answer. Here's a list:

• Why have I decided to go to therapy?
• What are my goals/what do I want to achieve by going to therapy?
• current problems/situations I'm facing, how they make me feel and what I tried to do about it
• How would I describe my childhood and my teenage years?
• things other people did to me and how it affected me
• things I struggle with
• thought patterns, that stop me from getting better
• Which (non mental) changes have I noticed? (e.g. loss of appetite, difficulties falling asleep, trouble to concentrate)
• What stopped me from seeking help earlier?

Congrats to you as well! Making a list of questions and subjects to discuss is a really great idea, especially for me since I tend to get very lost and anxious when it comes to talking about what I feel. And I also find it reduces my anxiety a bit, since I can see clearly and concretely the reasons why I need these appointments
Good luck to you we'll build enough courage eventually