As much as I want to live, I know I can’t do this much longer

[SpiderLink]

Currently I'm in a program, which is slightly keeping me alive at the moment and it ends at the end of June. My doctor told me I'd get hospitalized after it's done, but I can always do it after. I just don't want to make a mistake that I can't forgive myself for, because in the end, I want my pain to stop. I just wish people would listen to me, I feel so powerless whenever I'm having a conversation with someone (face to face) about how I'm feeling and i literally go brain dead and can't even think sometimes, it's like my brain does that on purpose to make everything harder. If I could end my life, make the world a better place, and those who are dying that want to live, I'd give up my life for them. I just wish my pain wasn't as complex. And with the disorders I have, i feel being looked down on, no one says that, but it sure feels like it. I just can't being so broken, I desperately want to live, but I know I can't live like this forever. It just breaks me knowing im powerless over my own life, I just wish things were better

 

[love_peep]

ohh, I understand you. this is a very difficult condition, which is also unbearable for me. While I was and am in this state, I managed to do a lot of shit which will only complicate my life many times over. I simply have no choice between life and death. Anyway, whatever it is, I hope you can handle yourself.

 

[EternalDaydreaming]

You said you want people to listen to you, I will always listen to you if you want me to. I feel your pain and if I can do anything to help even if it's just listening to your pain I will.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really tiring what you have to go through, it's such a cruel world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway, best wishes.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Why does your doctor say you'll be hospitalized after you complete the program?

 

[SpiderLink]

ohh, I understand you. this is a very difficult condition, which is also unbearable for me. While I was and am in this state, I managed to do a lot of shit which will only complicate my life many times over. I simply have no choice between life and death. Anyway, whatever it is, I hope you can handle yourself.

Ty

You said you want people to listen to you, I will always listen to you if you want me to. I feel your pain and if I can do anything to help even if it's just listening to your pain I will.

I appreciate it, I know I don't have to put up a guard here on this site, I just wish it was the people around me that would listen, it sucks when strangers know you better than the people around u..

That does sound really tiring what you have to go through, it's such a cruel world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway, best wishes.

Ty

Why does your doctor say you'll be hospitalized after you complete the program?

Because I pretty much said I'd kill myself (to someone else) and she told my doctor and he found out that way.