Discussion Are your parents one of the reasons you want to ctb?

[Cheza_mus]

Explain if you can

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Option 3 for me. Let's see -- there was the "standard" (for my culture) mental and physical abuse as a child -- beatings for not getting enough marks, not talking to me for days, locking me outside etc etc. My parents also used to fight among themselves like every other day, which meant I (as the only other member in the house) had to witness and soak it all up with nowhere else to go and no one else to talk to about it. They also didn't give a single shit about the bullying I faced at school, I just stopped telling them about it at one point.

But the main way they wronged me imo, was that they encouraged my tendency to self-isolate as a kid, instead of trying to solve it. Because locking myself at home and doing nothing meant there was less chance of me getting into trouble and causing them headache. As a kid it was just school-home-school for me every single day, no playing or socializing or literally anything else other than studies. Even in school we were strictly forbidden from talking to each other and P.E was simply absent. There was no TV or any other extra-curricular activity. No computer or electronic devices.

But all this meant right from childhood I had no friends, never had any relationships or social life. I also had zero hobbies or interests or passions in anything, making me a very boring person with nothing to offer. My life has been dry and tasteless af for as long as I remember it. I also feel like I've had a very delayed development -- I can pretend like I'm a normal adult outside but I genuinely don't know basic adult shit, be it opening a bank account or fixing something or even going to a specific place (until Google Maps arrived to save my ass).

Having said all this though, I didn't go with option 2 because I deserve the blame too. Plus it's not like they did whatever they did intentionally. IDK. Thanks for the opportunity to rant!

 

[FML_]

Only partially. I don't wanna be ungrateful but maybe if they put in some fucking effort to raise me I wouldn't have so much problems right now. People really underestimate how important it is to raise their kids properly. Let's be honest, school is not gonna teach you anything, letting them use their phones all day isn't gonna teach them anything, it's the parents job to make sure their kids get some hobbies, learn important life lessons, and get some skills. So many people are making kids and they don't even realise the responsability that comes with it, it's more than just providing food and giving them a roof to sleep under.

My life would've been so much easier if my parents didn't just allow me to do whatever I want, or even if they just told me anything of value at all. I will never understand what went on in their minds all those years

 

[deleted]

If my family died today I wouldn't shed any tears for them

 

[Didymus]

Not at all. They love me I love them. My mistakes are my own.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, even know my parents chose to bring me into such a horrible world that more than anything I wish I was never born into, they are not the reason why I want to leave so badly. Life itself is my main reason for wanting to die, being alive is a form of torture and only death could ever possibly ease my pain. I could never want to be here no matter what and I know that I belong in the nothingness.

 

[toasterbath]

Option 3 for me. Let's see -- there was the "standard" (for my culture) mental and physical abuse as a child -- beatings for not getting enough marks, not talking to me for days, locking me outside etc etc. My parents also used to fight among themselves like every other day, which meant I (as the only other member in the house) had to witness and soak it all up with nowhere else to go and no one else to talk to about it. They also didn't give a single shit about the bullying I faced at school, I just stopped telling them about it at one point.

But the main way they wronged me imo, was that they encouraged my tendency to self-isolate as a kid, instead of trying to solve it. Because locking myself at home and doing nothing meant there was less chance of me getting into trouble and causing them headache. As a kid it was just school-home-school for me every single day, no playing or socializing or literally anything else other than studies. Even in school we were strictly forbidden from talking to each other and P.E was simply absent. There was no TV or any other extra-curricular activity. No computer or electronic devices.

But all this meant right from childhood I had no friends, never had any relationships or social life. I also had zero hobbies or interests or passions in anything, making me a very boring person with nothing to offer. My life has been dry and tasteless af for as long as I remember it. I also feel like I've had a very delayed development -- I can pretend like I'm a normal adult outside but I genuinely don't know basic adult shit, be it opening a bank account or fixing something or even going to a specific place (until Google Maps arrived to save my ass).

Having said all this though, I didn't go with option 2 because I deserve the blame too. Plus it's not like they did whatever they did intentionally. IDK. Thanks for the opportunity to rant!

i can relate i feel so delayed developmentally too and like hobbyless passionless. i felt like i learned 0 life skills and never got proper guidance or the push to do things and now i'm fucked for the future

 

[ge0rge]

yes bcs mom's dead

 

[TAW122]

Partially, but regardless of my reasoning (as it is personal and varies between individuals), ever since moving back home, I've always had a hard time to get the privacy that I hope for. While many outsiders (not necessarily on here) may see it as a good thing, I certainly don't. I don't want to live a long life and I want the freedom to leave at any time I wish to (not just the vague idea of "you can CTB anytime and if you didn't you didn't want it BADLY enough" which is pro-life ignorance).

My parents are the overprotective type and I do not trust that if I ever end up in a situation where I'm severely ill (maybe even terminally ill) that they would reliably respect my decision to die peacefully with dignity. While they did (on the surface) acknowledge and understand that euthanasia for terminal/severe illness is a valid reason for CTB, they almost only believe that CTB'ing is a last resort and ONLY for those cases. Even then, as mentioned before, they see it "as the only valid reason(s)" for CTB'ing (like most pro-lifers), but when push comes to shove, again I don't trust that they won't let their emotions and selfishness override reasoning and compassion with their reasoning "But love isn't selfish! A parent's love is greater than your free will!" or some inane bullshit platitude. It just makes my blood boil.

In fact, the inability TRULY to CTB freely without interference is one of the major factors pushing me closer to CTB'ing as well as resenting waking up each day to contribute to this sick, disgusting prolife society, and I only embrace the antiwork mentality ever so more. Hell, if I ever been institutionalized, thrown into a temporary psych hold, detainment, etc., I will not hesitate to put pride and dignity before starvation and elements. I've said it in the past and I'll say it again, I refuse to support and contribute to a society that does NOT respect the right to die on one's own terms.

Ironically enough, my parents won't hesitate to threaten me with homelessness and destitution for not wishing to become independent and being successful in life (making a living, being able to live on my own, and etc.), yet turns around after guilt-tripping me about how much they love me (selfishness) and cannot allow me to just be thrown in the streets. I had too many of these conversations with them and enough is enough. It makes me retch how they wish to toy around with my fate and while I wish I could escape them, they would wrestle control back again (not enough time and opportunity of privacy) only then to emotionally blackmail and guilt trip me again as the cycle renews. I wish they would either:

A) Just turn me loose for good and not interfere with me and allow me to take whatever fate I choose whether I die from homelessness (elements, disease, violence), by my own hand (after being on my own), or other cause.

B) Let me rot and just accept that I don't and won't contribute to a society that doesn't respect an individual's right to self termination with peace and dignity on one's own terms.

Knowing them, they would allow neither, thus I'm in a limbo that is quite like a prison. I cannot die on my own terms yet I cannot just do nothing. It's wake up everyday pretend like a normie, contribute to this sick society, and somehow become successful like the way society wants to. It's disgusting that not only does society not respect nor have the voluntary euthanasia that I'm hoping for yet would not allow me to freeload.

My best opportunity to CTB was in 2019, then in sometime 2020 but alas now is not the best time. If anyone knows, perhaps they are narcissists and the very textbook definition of narcissism, masqueraded as love and compassion? I'd see them as narcissists and authoritarian control freaks.

This only confirms my predictions omens from 2019 that things go downhill from that point onwards and that if I had CTB'd before having to move home due to my living arrangement/condition changing pre-pandemic, I would have avoided such messes. My first priority is to gain enough time and privacy to execute my CTB, then secure a method, and I would say at this point in my life, I cannot reliably access my original method but I won't go into too much detail on that.

Some relevant facts: I live in the US, am in my 30's (young adult), and while my parents generally respect my privacy it is only when things are normal and no red flags (so while I privacy it is provisional and dependent on things being stable).

Anyways, I did not wish for this to turn into a rant, but here it is.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Quite to the contrary of the posited question, I have actually stuck around as long as I have because of my parents. If not for realizing that they would be needing me for help into their old age, I would have checked-out 25 years ago. Now, with my mother recently passing-away, I am getting on with what I needed to do quite some time ago, since I have nothing holding me back, now.

 

[Klophy]

Partially. Went through some abuse as a kid.

Getting locked out of the house, getting hit, insulted and other things. Later on in life though they found 'God' and became better people(?)

The damage to me was done though. I feel like i didn't develop properly, i still feel immature. They're all i have though, i have no friends or other relationships.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I miss my father who passed my sophomore year of hs. I would love nothing more to be reunited. The father left living has alzheimers and refuses to admit he's getting bad. He also allowed his new partner to move in a month after my father passed and kicked me out when I was 18 after his partner attacked me. I will make sure the rest of my family knows of this before I pass away.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Lack of guidance… Neglect…

 

[jandek]

I don't see my parents as bad people, but I recognize that a number of their decisions, made with good intentions, really screwed me up. They weren't there for me when I was younger when I needed them, but were intrusive and controlling over things that really didn't matter. They were oblivious to what I think were the obvious signs of depression and anxiety I developed as a teenager. Their religious beliefs and attitudes also impacted me in a terrible way.

As I've become older, I've realized how much my parents were shaped by their own messed up parents, either blindly repeating negative patterns or trying to correct something bad they experienced growing up, except in a extreme way that backfired badly in the end. I think Philip Larkin says it best:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

 

[chloramine]

Somewhat? My dad should definitely have never been a parent but luckily my parents separated when I was like 1 so I didn't see him as much as I would have and he later pretty much abandoned me. My mom is not equipped to be a single parent and didn't have any real support system or community while dealing with her own mental health stuff which led to some not great stuff at home. I have a lot more sympathy for her but she's done a lot that's screwed with me. I don't want to die because of either of them exactly? I don't think they're the sole causes of everything, but I do wonder about who I could have been if I had ever felt safe, supported, etc.

 

[hellispink]

Not at all. I understand that my well being is only my responsibility. They have done things wrong but they have also done the best they could with what they knew. I could not blame them. No person is a reason for me to leave. My decision to leave is entirely a personal decision that no one influenced on.