Are you still in love with someone?

[Midnight]

In between option D and E. Had it only once and too far gone now to try again. Took me a goddamned decade and a half of searching the first time ...

 

[daikon]

Still so in love with my last boyfriend. Sometimes I'll just stare at pictures of him and sort of feel the love flowing through me like I did when he was alive and we were together. I've been trying to use sex and friendship to mask the abysmal sadness I feel, but the more I try to connect with people, the more I realize that no one is anything like him.

 

[AveryConure]

An ex of mine legitimately thought I killed myself one night and since then I never heard back from her when I got out of the psych ward. If it's true she killed herself over me that's another reason I'm hoping to commit to it tonight or eventually.

Another ex of mine has severe depression and PTSD. I stopped talking to her fearing the same could happen to her. I honestly wish the best for her and even if she finds another partner and lives a happy life with them I at least will be glad to know she'll be ok and happy when I'm gone.

 

[Bread]

I've been very much in love with someone for years but often times I wish I could forget them. It's the only reason I haven't been able to CTB yet. As long as I love that person, it feels like I'm going never going to be able to leave whether I like it or not. What makes it worse is that this person and I will most likely never be together. I'll probably never be able to tell them my feelings, and if I did, I'm sure they'd be disgusted. I have every reason to give up and move on. Yet, that person is the only thing that interests me in this world and even though I can't be with them, I still have this deep desire to observe what happens in their life. It's like a really good movie, where I feel I have to know what happens, and I want to see it through to the end. I feel like I can't CTB because then I would miss it. It sucks and I wish I could forget about them so I could die without regret. One thing I have thought of though is confessing to them in my suicide note. It would work as motivation and then I wouldn't have to be around for the aftermath of said confession.

 

[stellabelle]

@Aesthler has my heart. He understands my darkness and embraces it, rather than shutting me out or pushing me away. I've grown close to him and I'm beginning to think that it might be possible to be "happy" someday, or at least stable

 

[ReadyasEver]

@Aesthler has my heart. He understands my darkness and embraces it, rather than shutting me out or pushing me away. I've grown close to him and I'm beginning to think that it might be possible to be "happy" someday, or at least stable

I'm glad you can find peace in some way stellabelle. Many of you here, including you have given me great ideas to ponder, videos to watch, and an understanding to common suffering. If you can somehow fight through this and find some stability and peace, give it a go with everything you have. That way, you'll never have any regrets. You are a good soul and a kind person, no one or nothing can ever take that from you.

 

[stellabelle]

I'm glad you can find peace in some way stellabelle. Many of you here, including you have given me great ideas to ponder, videos to watch, and an understanding to common suffering. If you can somehow fight through this and find some stability and peace, give it a go with everything you have. That way, you'll never have any regrets. You are a good soul and a kind person, no one or nothing can ever take that from you.

Thank you for your kindness. Your words truly mean the world to me and I take them deeply to heart. I enjoy reading your posts as well, and you bring light into this dark place. Please don't ever forget that.

Who knows, maybe I'll find peace, and even if I didn't want to live, knowing that I could curl up into his arms to die brings me great comfort, as that would be ideal for me.

 

[Othermind]

I think every man has a woman who's everything to him, like a sister, a lover, a mother, a friend all rolled into one. Someone who understands him, who doesn't judge him etc. Art is full of such examples if you think about it, women who are everything to a guy's life, and after they're gone, others may come, but they will always live in their shadow.
I call mine Jane Doe, after my favorite record of all times, also one of the best artistic representation of what I mentioned above.
We were never together, only close friends, but I'll be damned if she wasn't my Jane Doe.
So if you call that "being in love", I guess I am, not that it matters anymore but there you go.
Geez, what a nice reminder that I shouldn't post on here while drunk.

 

[Johnnythefox]

What is love? Apparently you can't love another unless you love yourself first.
I miss lost opportunities owing to my belief that I'm unworthy or because of self loathing or saying something totally fucking stupid.
At my age I still think of the what if, I'm slow in realising that someone actually might like me unless they tell me in no uncertain terms. Many times the penny drops when it's far too late which in turn feeds my self loathing even more.

 

[Dark Soul]

I wish i was in love with a woman the finds my dark thoughts completely normal...

 

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

Very very much so

 

[none666]

I think every man has a woman who's everything to him, like a sister, a lover, a mother, a friend all rolled into one. Someone who understands him, who doesn't judge him etc. Art is full of such examples if you think about it, women who are everything to a guy's life, and after they're gone, others may come, but they will always live in their shadow.
I call mine Jane Doe, after my favorite record of all times, also one of the best artistic representation of what I mentioned above.
We were never together, only close friends, but I'll be damned if she wasn't my Jane Doe.
So if you call that "being in love", I guess I am, not that it matters anymore but there you go.
Geez, what a nice reminder that I shouldn't post on here while drunk.

I just listened to Jane Doe (I'm assuming by Converge) the other day and it's super tight, wish i had listened earlier

 

[Othermind]

I just listened to Jane Doe (I'm assuming by Converge) the other day and it's super tight, wish i had listened earlier

Yep, an absolute masterpiece on every level, from the music to the "lyrics" and the art.