Discussion “Are you REALLY suicidal if you’re scared of getting cancer etc?”

[Checkmate64]

So today I was talking to a friend and I'm in hospital for being suicidal and she asked me if I was really suicidal because the day before I told her I was worried I had diabetes or cancer or something (I googled some symptoms I was having and over reacted :') lol) and she was like if you're really are then it wouldn't bother you because you want to die anyway or whatever. I told her it's different but I couldn't really explain why, I guess it's like a control thing and I don't want to die in some random painful way but I wanted to ask what you guys think...

[Also, first post so hi everyone :) ]

 

[Girobatol]

Yes I want to die drinking my N, but I don´t want to die any other painful way. I worry about my bad cholesterols and don´t want to go with a heart attack. I just want to drink my potion and fall asleep forever.

 

[HadEnough1974]

So today I was talking to a friend and I'm in hospital for being suicidal and she asked me if I was really suicidal because the day before I told her I was worried I had diabetes or cancer or something (I googled some symptoms I was having and over reacted :') lol) and she was like if you're really are then it wouldn't bother you because you want to die anyway or whatever. I told her it's different but I couldn't really explain why, I guess it's like a control thing and I don't want to die in some random painful way but I wanted to ask what you guys think...

[Also, first post so hi everyone :) ]

I think being in control of your own death is important. Personally, I'm not afraid to have cancer or anything else. It doesn't mean that I'll start smoking.

If I have cancer or a terminal illness, I won't accept treatment. Just morphine to ease the pain or SN and say goodbye.

Congratulations on your first post. Welcome to ss.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

I'm not afraid of cancer, at least I know I'll ultimately die if I refuse treatment. Way better than being in a coma/full body paralysis for the rest of my life. I'll probably also get more sympathy from other people since I'm dying because of cancer and not suicide.

 

[Lejes Rimul]

It is the most normal thing in the world, here the same thing happens in one way or another, in general nobody here wants to continue with their life due to suffering and they do not want to live with that pain, that is the short story that applies (I think) to almost any suicide case
basically it is a way of controlling what happens to oneself, if you know that you are going to kill yourself the future disappears later, quite interesting, I had not thought of it that way

refers to suffering and pain as the reason whatever

 

[the box is empty]

So today I was talking to a friend and I'm in hospital for being suicidal and she asked me if I was really suicidal because the day before I told her I was worried I had diabetes or cancer or something (I googled some symptoms I was having and over reacted :') lol) and she was like if you're really are then it wouldn't bother you because you want to die anyway or whatever. I told her it's different but I couldn't really explain why, I guess it's like a control thing and I don't want to die in some random painful way but I wanted to ask what you guys think...

[Also, first post so hi everyone :) ]

I still look both ways when I cross the street so.......

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Wanting to not be alive and the process of dying are two different things. I don't actually want to die, I just don't want to exist anymore and unfortunately, I have to die to make that happen. I'm still not into pain.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Nope.
I dont distinguish between the two.
I mean Id rather jump off a bridge because thats how I wanna end myself, and yeah, the control thing, but I dont mind cancer, heart attack or being ran over by a speeding truck.
As long as Im truly dead, whatever

 

[faust]

First of all, I like the little creature on your avatar :)
The second thing is that I enjoy smoking right now. There is no more fear that I will die from cancer when I will be 50-60.
Understanding that life and death are in my hands is worth a million.
I am not afraid of cancer, coronavirus, swine flu, indigestion because I will die soon anyway.

 

[Checkmate64]

First of all, I like the little creature on your avatar :)
The second thing is that I enjoy smoking right now. There is no more fear that I will die from cancer when I will be 50-60.
Understanding that life and death are in my hands is worth a million.
I am not afraid of cancer, coronavirus, swine flu, indigestion because I will die soon anyway.

That's my little rat and he's adorable I know :)
And the smoking thing I can relate to because I'm kind of like I don't care when people say oh it's bad for you, you should quit but I feel like it's more a self harm thing for me maybe.

 

[faust]

That's my little rat and he's adorable I know :)
And the smoking thing I can relate to because I'm kind of like I don't care when people say oh it's bad for you, you should quit but I feel like it's more a self harm thing for me maybe.

Oh, so true! I enjoy this kind of self-harm... Even if I feel bad from smoking, I continue smoking! :)
I'd love to have a mouse or a small rat, but I have no money for food for myself now, what to say about animals heh... And ye, it is my time soon.

 

[Mr2005]

You're more likely to hear "I hope I get cancer" to which I reply "be careful what you wish for". That's the choice made for then, it's out of your hands

 

[selfhater]

me too, when i was panicking cuz i thought i had cancer my mum said i'm suicidal so why would i panic over this but the reason is i want to die not to suffer more cuz ik some illnesses are so painful won't cause u death immediately, and i'm already going thru so much pain so i'm scared that something will add more pain to me

 

[puppy9]

Damn give the CANCER nowwwwww.... At least people will care about me then, and I will die without people talking bad about my mother.

Mental illness is an invisible cancer, at least for me.

 

[k75]

It's completely different in a way I can't explain. I'm a breast cancer survivor. Irrationally, one of the things that makes me suicidal is my constant fear of the cancer coming back. It's a dark shadow over my life that I can't escape from. I'm not in control of the thoughts. All I know is that at some point, my mind decided it was better to kill myself than possibly do that battle again and go through more surgery and more chemo and lose my hair again and have to wonder indefinitely if I'm still going to die anyway, despite everything I went through. I don't deal with the unknown well.

I'm deeply suicidal at times, but there are a lot of ways I never want to die. If it involves a lot of pain or violence or prolonged suffering, I'd rather try to save myself and choose a different way.

Maybe it's about control? I want to kill myself when I want to, but I don't want to be randomly tortured by a serial killer. Maybe it's like the jumping from a burning building scenario? I don't even want to have to die, but I'm going to jump to escape burning. I don't know.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I've had cancer once. Shit sucked. But I wanted to live and believed I had a great future ahead of me. Things changed and I decided that one day, when all my fight was gone, I'd ctb. Go out my own way.

and then they found tumors that might be a new type of cancer. I was hysterical. I don't want to die that way. That is not part of my plan. My plan is to go how and when I want. For a while they told me it wasn't cancer and I was relieved, had new hope. Then they circled back around to cancer and I almost hung myself after that dr appointment.

so yes. You can still be suicidal but not want something you can't control like cancer to be what kills you.

 

[X.Pseudonym.X]

I think it's pretty normal to be concerned about your health. It's just your survival instinct kicking in. It doesn't make you less suicidal, imho.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Cancer is about suffering and pain.

Feeling suicidal is about relieving suffering and pain.

 

[mediocre]

When people say they hope they get cancer they seem to assume they will die quite quickly and peacefully which is not the case. I don't get why this is a saying because most people don't wish for pain they wish for peace. So by saying I hope I get cancer you're saying you hope you experience more pain? it's strange to me.

 

[Oyoy]

Good question
To each there own.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Checkmate64, it sounds like you and your friend define "suicidal" differently. It's not a concrete idea like "suicide" or "cancer." Sounds like you took her comment as negating and struggled with the negation. "Suicidal" in this context is a label, and you two don't agree about how the label defines you, let alone what it means.

"Suicidal" is a state, a condition. It has to do with the actual intention to end one's own life. Seems that your friend believes that you do not have such an intention if you are afraid of a physical condition that could end your life.

Ultimately, you get to define yourself, your condition, and your experience. Your friend does not get to define you because she is not you and therfore has no way of knowing what you experience. Only you can determine if you're "suicidal," but is it even that important? I think pondering it helps to reveal your inner self and your intentions, and those are what's relevant, not the label.

That's my opinion anyway.

 

[FohPah]

Many of us are miserable *because* we're paralyzed by worries about things outside our control, and the misery of that existence is what we want to escape.

There's not really any logic to it. The fear of some disaster like a terminal illness does not necessarily mean that, deep down, you actually want to live, but just won't admit it. Nobody likes to be sick.

 

[Alec]

I agree with you, it's definitely different! It's a one thing to die of a disease that slowly destroys your body and turns your life into a worse nightmare and makes every breath a torture, knowing there is no other way and you don't have a choice and it's not up to you and there's nothing you can do to stop it or control it in any way, and it's a completely another thing to die because you chose to, on your own terms at your own time and hopefully in your own way through your own method. Or at the very least a method that won't hurt you or make you feel even so much worse or if it will than at least so the pain doesn't last long. It is about control thing, and for some it's very important! I thought about getting cancer, and it didn't scare me because I see it as if I would have an answer. If the doctors told me I have cancer, especially the one that has no chance of being cured anymore and it will definitely kill me after destroying my body, I would kill myself before it got the chance to do this atrocity to my body, feeling more sure that it's the right choice.
But everyone is different, and the control thing is extremely valid! It's normal and rational not wanting things to happen to you - the things you don't want because they are horrible to happen to you.

 

[STRIKER19966]

Well honestly? I don't really care if I get cancer and die. I mean sure it's going to hurt like a b#@£ but I've been in pain all my life. What's a bit more ? So I don't really care the way I go. As soon I can CTB.

 

[braketimez]

So today I was talking to a friend and I'm in hospital for being suicidal and she asked me if I was really suicidal because the day before I told her I was worried I had diabetes or cancer or something (I googled some symptoms I was having and over reacted :') lol) and she was like if you're really are then it wouldn't bother you because you want to die anyway or whatever. I told her it's different but I couldn't really explain why, I guess it's like a control thing and I don't want to die in some random painful way but I wanted to ask what you guys think...

[Also, first post so hi everyone :) ]

Having cancer means suffering. Having diabetes also means suffering. You want to die, but you don't want to suffer.

 

[Quinlor]

well, if you are really a suicidal you probably will want to die before getting cancer I believe...

 

[Yomyom]

For me it's Quite the opposite, I want so much to have cancer because I'm so afraid from suicide
It doesn't really say something

 

[Quinlor]

For me it's Quite the opposite, I want so much to have cancer because I'm so afraid from suicide
It doesn't really say something

Make sense to me, mask the desire to die, dying in a " social accepted" way.

 

[jrums]

Not worried about cancer. Have brain damage. Wouldn't bother trying to treat it either, would just treat the pain. I just want to die regardless.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I live in Canada and assisted dying is now legal. So I'm praying for cancer, been smoking 17 years hoping it'd kill me. If I wanted to live I would have quit a long time ago, and would never have done so many drugs, or done half the shit I did. I agree having cancer garners so much sympathy it's like you're a saint if you have it. Crazy right?