Are you pro-choice for parents of young children?

[freedomcalls]

So this is a pro-choice community; but do you still believe in somebody's right to end their life if they have going / dependent children?
My context is that it's the third anniversary of a friends suicide & I'm dropping her 8 year old home from school to an empty house… seeing her 12 year old post on social media "suicide doesn't stop the pain, it just passes it on"
Her littlest one will have no memories at all of her mother

So it's on my heart and mind today…. I 110% understand her choice and have deep compassion for what drove her to check out…. But her children

 

[FuneralCry]

People shouldn't procreate in the first place. It's such a selfish and tragic thing, how could anyone see it as being beneficial to force people into such a cruel and horrific world where so much endless suffering exists. If people stopped procreating then people wouldn't have to think about ctb.
But my opinion, is that suicide could never be wrong no matter what the circumstances are.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Honestly- it's a HUGE dilema for me- this one. It hits close to home because I lost my Mum when I was 3 (not to suicide though.) It does have a profound effect on your life- your whole life- I think it's a very difficult thing to 'just get over.' I imagine in the case of suicide, those feelings are even more intense.

Honestly, my heart just breaks for anyone really who feels a compulsion to end their lives but who feel like they have to stay for others. It must be especially awful when you are responsible for a young life. I suppose it's like all suicides that leave people behind really- when that person's pain reaches a certain level, they go.

I want to hang on for my Dad to go first because I feel a responsibility towards him. I know it would devastate him. That said- my pain for now is bearable. Again- it's all a balance- if that poor Mum is at her wits end, then she also has the right to end it- I guess I would just hope that they exhaust every treatment available before doing so though.

Kind of like- the more people who are going to be devastated by your death- especially people you have chosen to bring into your life- the harder you probably should try to stick around for them. That's my feeling I guess but again- it all depends on how much that person is suffering and only they are going to be able to weigh that against what they leave behind.

 

[freedomcalls]

I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to have your Mum around while you grew up ForeverSleep…
It's kind of you to stay for your Dad I really think that's kind of you

 

[Doom]

When you have kid, your life is no longer yours, but now it belongs to your children until they are strong enough to face life for themselves. But maybe the pain was unbearable, but the child's pain will probably be too.

 

[squidhead]

Of course, it depends as theres a million variables to account for in each case.
That being said, my take on this is mostly no, im not pro choice here.
You willingly brought a child into this cursed world, most likely out of selfish reasons and with no second thoughts (but thats another discussion), despite your negative experience on this planet, despite knowing how unfair, painful, agonizing it all is. Maybe you thought a child would fix your own existence, give it purpose or meaning or whatever.
Life is already a multi layered RNG "system" , in which a dice is rolled at every turn, mostly against you.
Im sorry, but now you dont get to just peace out.
Its not a decision regarding you and you alone anymore. You forced someone into existence, a child that most likely wouldve already had a difficult life, now is guaranteed to have one from the get go.

As you can tell, im obviously against having kids as i think the overwhelming majority of people arent capable of parenting and life just isnt worth it either.

But to be suicidal and still inflicting yourself and life onto a newborn... and then also leaving this kid on their own, to chance, thats just beyond fucked up to me.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

This is a difficult one. On the one hand, I agree with what many have already said — that one of the outcomes of having children (either through birth or adoption) is that you take on the responsibility of caring for them. In essence, your life is no longer about you.

On the other hand, if you are in such a terrible state that you feel the need to ctb, what kind of life might you be creating for your children? We know that children's development can be affected by so many things — poverty, divorce, unhappy marriages, and even the mental health of the parent. If a parent knew that their child may have a better chance of success (despite the inevitable grieving and emotional/psychological stress) without them, might suicide be justified?

Children will undoubtedly have a terrible time coming to terms with a parent's suicide. And if I'm being honest with myself, it's hard to imagine a situation in which suicide would result in a "net positive" for the child. But perhaps if society had different attitudes towards suicide and a better understanding of why people make the choices they do, the emotional upheaval could be curtailed somewhat. And what if a parent was able to plan accordingly? What if they made arrangements to ensure as smooth as possible a transition? What if they were able to raise their child with a philosophy that enabled the child to process, understand, and accept the choice? That's probably too tall an order, but I'm considering hypotheticals.

These aren't easy answers, and I think it boils down to specific situations. I really try to avoid blanket statements when it comes to judging when a suicide is "acceptable" or not. Each situation is unique, fraught with its own challenges.

I made the choice not to have children because of my mental health issues. I did not want those to affect my child. And if I decided to ctb, I did not want to put them through that.

If I already had kids, it would probably be enough to deter me from suicide. But I'm not in that position, so I can't say for sure. Right now, I stay alive for my husband and my mother, but I know that at some point, my pain is going to overwhelm that sense of obligation. Who's to say what the threshold is for those who have children? How much can/should we expect them to endure? I don't appreciate people putting that judgment on me, so I would not want to put it on anyone else.

 

[goodnighttime]

Someone might disagree, but yeah like Doom said. Once you have a kid they become your responsibility, you brought them into this world and you now must dedicate your life to them. Especially if they are at a very young age. I just don't see it as fair to the kid at all.

 

[Himalayan]

Personally, i don't think it's right.

 

[BipolarExpress]

If I were a parent, I wouldn't feel right ending my life while I was responsible for a child's welfare. When you're a parent, your responsibility is to raise your children to the best of your ability and knowledge. You've made a commitment to a helpless human being who needs support and guidance.

 

[freedomcalls]

if I'm being honest with myself, it's hard to imagine a situation in which suicide would result in a "net positive" for the child

I do wonder if sometimes it might overall work out better for a younger child; if they have supportive & loving extended family to step in instead of being raised by a very depressed parent….

 

[Django]

Im in this position. I have a 5yo daughter. I am in a lot of of mental pain and have a long term illness which means I am in bed most days. Im adding nothing to her life. She is constantly disappointed that I can't be with her. I cry all the time around her.
I am of the viewpoint that it would be better for her if I didn't exist and she could get another dad in her life.
I love her so much but that's part of the problem - it just makes my pain worse as I feel so cut off from her mentally and physically. It's a living hell.

 

[Regen]

I do wonder if sometimes it might overall work out better for a younger child; if they have supportive & loving extended family to step in instead of being raised by a very depressed parent….

Yes, I think sometimes it can be better for the child to grow up in another family. But not with a black and white view, this means the daily time in another family AND with a good contact to the mother or/and father. Loosing the parents by suicide ist always most worse and destroying for the rest of the life. Sadly that is fact.

Better give his childs to another family AND going in a good rehab then committing suicide. But I am struggling with depression and other things and I know sometimes this is very much difficult.

If there are kids you have to try to stay alive much much more then others.

If you commit suicide you take your own pain to your childs.........

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I think of this sometimes. I am antinatalist, and I also feel life is a pointless, gruesome struggle but if I, at any point in time, get reckless and accidentally have a baby, I think I would stay alive for it. It is the only responsibility that I created for myself. I don't want it to suffer because of something I did. I mean, it would inevitably suffer because.... Life, but I would do my best to give it the best life I can.

Anyway, since I don't have a kid, I'm thinking of vasectomy to ensure I can't have one, by mistake or otherwise.

 

[Ligottian]

My brother-in-law's mother shot herself to death when he was six. He found her body when came come from school. Per my sister.

 

[Someone123]

If a person is in that much pain that they want to ctb consistently over a long period of time, they could cause more pain for their kids by staying alive and having them be aroudn severe depression so much of the time. In my case my mom struggled with depression and took it all out of me, blaming me for how bad she felt, screamin and swearing like crazy over everyday things like saying hi, things that didn't make sense- I would have had a much better life if she had left when I was young and not dumped all this pain on me.

 

[Darkover]

everyone should have the right to die at a time of thier choosing without any need for doctors or along drag out process
then we could all just leave this hellhole

 

[freedomcalls]

Im in this position. I have a 5yo daughter. I am in a lot of of mental pain and have a long term illness which means I am in bed most days. Im adding nothing to her life. She is constantly disappointed that I can't be with her. I cry all the time around her.
I am of the viewpoint that it would be better for her if I didn't exist and she could get another dad in her life.
I love her so much but that's part of the problem - it just makes my pain worse as I feel so cut off from her mentally and physically. It's a living hell.

I'm so sorry
If it offers any kind of comfort, my husbands father was bedbound by a physical disease for his entire childhood… they were incredibly close and even though my husband missed out on a lot because of his Dads disability, I think he also gained something because his dad literally couldn't do anything except 'be there for him'

Even though you may not be able to physically do much for your child, I bet she is glad you are there; and giving her your loving attention when you can will be invaluable to her

 

[MovingOn]

I think people ought to take care of their children, and not kill themselves at least until the kids are 18 at a minimum, preferably a bit older than that. You should take that responsibility and burden when you choose to have children. This is coming from someone with two really shitty parents by the way. Have no kids of my own and will never have them (don't want to, and I'll be catching the bus soon if all goes well)