Are you low enough that you often dissociate due to feeling overwhelmed?

[Ambivalent1]

I frequently go blank and stare off. It often bothers people.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

yeah same

 

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

It's hard to keep track of conversations in real life. Concentrating, functioning is really hard and I often catch myself being in a daze.

 

[Final_Choice]

Unfortunately I do, which often affects lots of things which just makes it all worse and creates a continuous downward spiral.

 

[fwompie]

I have dissociated a lot the past few years. For me it's not really zoning out but moreso feeling completely disconnected with reality, losing time and sometimes "waking up". I often don't recognize my body when I look at it or my face in the mirror.

Sometimes it's terrifying, other times kinda relaxing. I tend to feel less stressed when I'm kinda out of my body. Definitely part of the reason why I want to ctb sometimes. It makes life feel fake and dull, I can't really experience fun events because I'm always just out of it.

 

[Takamagahara]

I dunno if it quite fits. But whenever I have a spiralling depressive episode, yeah, I find that I lose a lot of time and an inability to focus on anything other than the fact that I'm in pain.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's not quite the same but I think my creative work is all about dissociating. Since childhood, I've used it to lose myself in. That's mainly why I think my ideation has been so strong the past year- because it's not as effective as it used to be.

 

[leloyon]

Sometimes it's terrifying, other times kinda relaxing. I tend to feel less stressed when I'm kinda out of my body. Definitely part of the reason why I want to ctb sometimes. It makes life feel fake and dull, I can't really experience fun events because I'm always just out of it.

That's something that I don't often see mentioned by people when talking about dissociation, but as someone who experiences derealisation and depersonalisation I can relate to the feeling of it being relaxing sometimes. Most of the time it feels as you described, numb, dull, occasionally terrifying (particularly depersonalisation, which I experience less compared to derealisation), but when I experience derealisation sometimes it can be relaxing. It can be calming in a way, to not have to worry about anything because why would you when everything is fake and thus doesn't matter?

 

[Ambivalent1]

I dunno if it quite fits. But whenever I have a spiralling depressive episode, yeah, I find that I lose a lot of time and an inability to focus on anything other than the fact that I'm in pain.

Therapists often ask one to identify what they're feeling at any given moment as a way of keeping track. For me it's just an underlying pain, throbbing like a vein in my head. Same for you?

 

[Takamagahara]

Therapists often ask one to identify what they're feeling at any given moment as a way of keeping track. For me it's just an underlying pain, throbbing like a vein in my head. Same for you?

It's not a throbbing in my head, it's more like a giant pit opens up in my chest and it feels like my heart and organs are all falling through it. So I end up losing all of my time and focus to that sensation of falling. It makes me stand up and fidget, I have to move around, I'm wringing my hands, a lot of frantic motion.

You know, I may have just described a panic attack.

 

[lokabe82]

I don't think I can usually last a single conversation without mentally removing myself from it at some point. I disassociate pretty frequently.

 

[exiled]

Unfortunately, disassociation is the biggest result of all of my trauma. It is also the scariest one. I've been diagnosed with depersonalization-derealization disorder and it undoubtably accompanies every panic attack and flashback that I have. I get these regularly; almost on an hourly basis. It's very difficult to live with. It is our brain and body's way of coping with what is happening to us; better to run away than face it right? But disassociation is quite literally actually what is killing me. This fearful feeling that lingers over me 24/7 is the real culprit. Seems like even my body's natural instincts don't know how to protect me. It's really hard. But... disassociation is what I believe will help kick my SI to the curb if I do decide I am ready to CTB.