I'm sorry for your loss and to hear you're having a difficult time coping with it. It must be very hard losing a parent, regardless of age or reason, so I can see why it affected you so gravely. It really does stick with you forever, even if you learn to live on with it.
As for me..Yes and no.
I have friends, I have someone I can talk to and openly discuss anything including ctb with, I have people if I need them.
But very often I find that my anxiety gets so bad I can't ever explain I need to hang out or vent and talk to someone. Most of the time I don't even want to, though. It very very rarely happens, usually only a few days after when I'm feeling more okay and just need to get out of my head for a short while.
I isolate myself, and sometimes it's hard if I want to talk to someone. Even if it's just to talk about anything as a distraction. I just can't get myself to, no matter what I do.