Discussion Are you happy knowing you gonna go soon?

[Bct]

Yeah, right you are, I don't think there's an afterlife either. There might be something as I grew up surrounded by people who would tell me often there's heaven and this, blah blah. But I honestly don't believe this. Once you're born you also have to go. And I can say it's been a heck of a life..and soon to be over.

I also don't believe in the afterlife since I became an atheist around 3 years ago. Sad to see how various entities (religion, government, etc.) are trying to keep people alive just for the sake of being alive, without any consent of the one who suffers in being alive. Sorry for making this a bit out of thread.

 

[MeriDeath]

I also don't believe in the afterlife since I became an atheist around 3 years ago. Sad to see how various entities (religion, government, etc.) are trying to keep people alive just for the sake of being alive, without any consent of the one who suffers in being alive. Sorry for making this a bit out of thread.

I would like to believe I won't get a punishment for ending my life due to my constant suffer. Otherwise I don't care.
I think to most people the pure idea of dying is too odd. I don't care what others want for me. I only care what I want for myself. And it is the right to die with dignity, hopefully one day this crazy world will know what that means.

 

[LastRide]

Yes - ever since I've decided it's got to be done and I have chosen my method and feel comfortable with it I feel strangely happy. Nothing affects me as much as it used to. It's though I've taken some drug to mellow down all the stress of life. I know soon there will be no more stress at all, and nothing will matter anymore, and that thought has lifted me to another level of existence. Maybe it's an « in-between » state, between life and death? Maybe it's the mental preparation I did for my ctb that has put me in this frame of mind. I'm trying to explain it to myself, since it's very odd....to be happy knowing you will die soon?

 

[brood]

I wouldn't exactly say happy, but I would say i'm very much at peace with myself knowing that I have the means and the will to kill myself. As for exacltly when, I don't know a date or time, but it will be when I am no longer able to live as I wish.

 

[braketimez]

When I first considered CTB, it made me happy. But as time passes and reality of my grief sets in, everything is incredibly sad to me.
It's sad that I've come to a point where this is even "a thing".

 

[4eyebiped]

I would be happy had I be gone long ago. Now I feel the need to find some way to justify all these extra years of being here, suffering. That is a seemingly impossible task. I guess sometimes you simply have to count your loses...

 

[KibblesNBits]

because im young,34, my life was happy, i loved life, i dont want to die, theres so much i want to do, but i my health condition is getting rapidly worse, i am suffering, and its a nightmare disease

I can relate to this so much. Looking back, I had everything to live for. Life could have been amazing. But then you hit 30, realize it all slipped away after finding out you have a debilitating disease that seriously impairs quality of life. Even worse for me is knowing early diagnosis was key and would have made all the difference in the world.

 

[Harleyyy]

No. I wish i didnt feel this way. I had dreams and aspirations but now i dont even know what they are. I am willing to go to any extent to get rid of these feelings and it sucks.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Sometimes I am. Most times I'm not.

 

[madbananas]

I think I've decided about the SN method or hanging. I have an essay result coming in on 19th this month so I want to find out about that. I don't think it will make a difference, but I feel today that my main situation isn't going to improve any time soon. I feel kind of sad about this decision but I also feel kind of liberated.

 

[xLosthopex]

For me it's a big relief

 

[wanttodie]

yes all be vary happy knowing im gonna go soon

 

[pian]

Not sure if this makes sense, but in a way, it gets me through the day. It's like a thought in my head going:

only a little bit longer

 

[I screwed up]

Feel relieved at most times ... Not happy. But there r times I feel sad also as I love my son and I would be leaving him

 

[MsMaudlin]

Excited, scared, calm, emotional, sad, erratic, crying, lonely, hate myself, guilty, but ok

 

[Read123456788]

Yes and no. Yes I'll be relived it's over and it's the only thing that gets me up to face a day but no because it's the last thing I'd of imagined would happen

 

[sadghost]

I feel a lot of relief because I know I don't have to feel this way for much longer but sometimes I feel scared/sad/guilty. Like when I think about leaving people behind or the fact that I'm actually going to die, alone. I feel genuinely so sorry for any pain this might cause others.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i am happy that this will be done with soon. i just don't know how soon. not knowing really just puts me in limbo and it sucks

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Not really. I'm not happy knowing that I will CTB because I won't be able to do things that I find fun, or experience the advancement of space travel, but it does give a feeling of relief knowing that I will no longer have troubles and problems lingering over me; nor the tormenting thoughts that remind me that there are some things that I can't change.

I don't want to leave really. I just don't want to live in this reality.

 

[TheRaul95]

I have become comfortably numb...

 

[MeriDeath]

I have become comfortably numb...

True tho, ever since I came across the SN method and realized how easy it is, I've been thinking about nothing but this. It's like I've become so numb to everything, not like I wasn't before but now I mean it's like time has stopped you know? And you feel nothing inside. All issues solved and now you just need to go through one more thing: your ctb.

 

[Tintypographer]

I am happy. I am.so down all the time. I hate how I live, my loveless life and my inability to get out of it.

 

[Jumper Geo]

Excited, scared, calm, emotional, sad, erratic, crying, lonely, hate myself, guilty, but ok

Well that summed it up for us all, mind you I would be interested in meeting an Excited, Sad person, lol.

I am sad there is so much in life I will miss, food, music, nature, wildlife, family and friends, exotic holidays and BOOZE but it's down to them fucking idiots at the Maudsley Hospital in South London who put me on fucking Risperidon and left me unsupervised knowing they have serious side effects and can destroy life's even afterwards they are still defending this EVIL drug. It should be prescribed for a period of 3 months then stopped to see if symptoms return.

 

[Swoods]

Simple answer: Yes

 

[ugly_loser2008]

dunno bout happy, but i feel excited and at peace ever since deciding to end myself. i think bout all the shit i wont have to deal with anymore, including myself and i feel certain of my decision.

 

[AcornUnderground]

No. I'm devastated and in complete panic. But I have no choice due to physical suffering and complete disability.

 

[RepressedMind]

My feelings and thoughts fluctuate between feelings of relief that I am finally going to stop having to continue suffering at home, but then sometimes I feel better like right now and I am not really sure what I am supposed to do anymore. I am having an internalized battle with two opposing sides, unable to really be something other personally, because I no longer feel I have the ability to make my own path. It feels like I am only able to think in certain ways and those change based on the environment I am in.

 

[NoWayOutOfThis]

I have mixed feelings, but I start thinking that it's the best I can do and that calms me down a lot

 

[Cashewmilk]

I don't know if I ever will. But I take comfort knowing that life is not permanent, there are many ways to go. If I had N, maybe I'd feel confident, actually scratch that. Probably not. I'm such an unbelievable failure and always fail my suicide attempts, along with everything else, that I probably won't ever have that kind of confidence. I'd be too worried about failing. This body of mine can take a lot of abuse and toxins and totally survive, and feel everything all the pain. I really envy people who die at parties from overdoses or too much alcohol. My body is made of stone, I'd probably survive SN.

 

[Fish Face]

Are you happy knowing you gonna CTB soon? (For those who are going for it)

I mean, do you sometimes just think about the fact that soon you're not gonna be in this world anyways and it makes you feel not only happy but also free from all responsibilities? I know I do, and I will be the happiest girl ever.

Sad it couldn't be another way. Sad for all the lost hope. But happy. It feels like a huge weight lifted off me.