Discussion Are you happy knowing you gonna go soon?

[MeriDeath]

Are you happy knowing you gonna CTB soon? (For those who are going for it)

I mean, do you sometimes just think about the fact that soon you're not gonna be in this world anyways and it makes you feel not only happy but also free from all responsibilities? I know I do, and I will be the happiest girl ever.

 

[PrettyMoose]

Yeah and it's weird because I feel like I should be more sad than I am but I actually feel alright about it.

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

Yeah.
When I think about the fact that no one after 50 years after my death would even know I existed, it's feels all like a joke for a moment. Like why should I even care about anything?

 

[Elbarado]

no

 

[Kumachan]

not exactly happy, but it is a comforting thought

 

[SpottedPanda]

Knowing I can exit makes me feel a sense of freedom, and knowing I can do it soon gives me optimism, like waiting in a queue you know isn't going to be very long. It doesn't bother me as much to deal with life

 

[Mywill]

I would be relieved more than happy since it's just 4 days away and I am ready.

 

[MeriDeath]

no

Interesting. Care to share why not?

I would be relieved more than happy since it's just 4 days away and I am ready.

4 days. Wow
I'm really happy for you actually

 

[brood]

I'm in no rush, but happy to know I have a plan and the means to carry it out when the time comes.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Bittersweet. Relief and sadness that my life wasn't worth it.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

No because there's so much regrets left over and that I have no other choice other than to ctb. But it's very comforting to know that day will come eventually.

 

[tothemoon]

My problem is when i feel ok I decide to put it off, but when I start to spiral I'm not well enough to follow through with a good plan. Ironic.

 

[Shinbu]

Yes, life is too hard, and ugly, I can't wait to leave this hell hole, and go back to non existence. I can't fathom how galaxies came to be. There should be nothing, space should be empty. Just why.... what was before the big bang how did it look like?, just how is the state of nothingness unstable?. I hope it doesn't happen again when all galaxies are destroyed, or sooner. I hope reincarnation isn't true.

 

[Squiddy]

I haven't exactly decided if I'm going or not, but knowing I have the option makes me happy

 

[I screwed up]

The thought of leaving this place is indeed comforting but the problem is my SI. I am freaking gutless to ctb ... I m very aware that ctb is my only way out but I don't know how can I translate my desire into action ... My method is SN but have not yet acquired it coz I m too chicken to even do that.

 

[deadpixels]

It doesn't make me feel happy, but at peace.

 

[GoBack]

Not happy just resigned to it

 

[Elbarado]

Interesting. Care to share why not?

4 days. Wow
I'm really happy for you actually

because im young,34, my life was happy, i loved life, i dont want to die, theres so much i want to do, but i my health condition is getting rapidly worse, i am suffering, and its a nightmare disease

 

[MeriDeath]

The thought of leaving this place is indeed comforting but the problem is my SI. I am freaking gutless to ctb ... I m very aware that ctb is my only way out but I don't know how can I translate my desire into action ... My method is SN but have not yet acquired it coz I m too chicken to even do that.

I plan to use SN for my CTB as well.
You need to be sure as hell you want to do this.
Once you receive your stuff, it's quick and painless. I will no longer suffer. And I know I will do this because im sure as hell not staying here for long.

 

[ssaaahmo]

no, nothing makes me happy anymore

 

[mathieu]

I would be happy if I was 100% certain that I am going to succeed. I'm scared I will fail or be too gutless to go through with it.

 

[Aavemainen]

Excited and relieved, yet nervous. I wish I had an easier and more reliable method to use, but I have to make do with what I have at this moment (partial hanging setup).

 

[idek]

The one time I was actually certain it would work... yeah, I was happy. My friend who actually killed himself was right before too...

But I wouldn't call it actually being happy, per se... it's the relief of knowing the pain is about to be over and this feeling of "nothing really matters right now because none of it will matter soon"... a lifting of the weight.

Problem is now, whenever I attempt anymore I worry about failing and how much more it'll screw up my body and make life EVEN HARDER...
So I don't go into it with joy anymore... I go into it with this feverish anxiety, begging the universe to lift this weight and save everyone from me... almost certain that it never will and I will have to suffer with every mistake until my life falls apart into a thousand pieces with no chance at stopping it or fixing it after the fact... that this will be another nail in the coffin for people who are sticking it out hoping I'm near to fixing, and that I will have to watch them all give up till I'm alone... and still unable to die till I finally for naturally in my golden years alone... by my own design... because I fuck up everything good in my life (despite knowing full well and seeing it coming).

 

[The Dark Chaos]

I thinkk knowing that I'll be dead soon is what helps me in continuing the everyday struggles of myy life. Whenever I'm damn upset or in pain, I simply remind myself 'This will be over soon.' And this is what helps me to not act on impulse. The thought of ctb makes me soo muchh at ease. I find a strange sense of comfort in it..

 

[Emily123]

Yes . I have a strong dysphoria abou some parts of my body specially to the ones that I paid a lot of money to surgeons and they just stole my money without doing anything . I enjoy when I think that I am going to destroy my body

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Knowing that I'll kill myself someday is the only thing that brings me relief. Hugs

Yes . I have a strong dysphoria abou some parts of my body specially to the ones that I paid a lot of money to surgeons and they just stole my money without doing anything . I enjoy when I think that I am going to destroy my body

Same here. My body is worse than before surgery.

 

[Bct]

Yeah. Knowing I could end my own life is relieving, especially since I already have the method ready. Honestly it's a bit sad since I'll leave anything that used to bring me enjoyment, but I won't be suffered anymore.

 

[MeriDeath]

Yeah. Knowing I could end my own life is relieving, especially since I already have the method ready. Honestly it's a bit sad since I'll leave anything that used to bring me enjoyment, but I won't be suffered anymore.

That's exactly my thoughts. I think once you're unconscious there's nothing you can care or think about because essentially, you're being dead. I just hope I disappear into the nothing just like it was 25 years ago. I just wish I had the SN in my hands already.

 

[Bct]

That's exactly my thoughts. I think once you're unconscious there's nothing you can care or think about because essentially, you're being dead. I just hope I disappear into the nothing just like it was 25 years ago. I just wish I had the SN in my hands already.

Indeed. Some may believe there's an afterlife or reincarnation so they're afraid they'll suffer again. I understand that sentiment since I grew up with a religion. But just like what you said (if I guess it right), we don't have any consciousness before we were born, heck I don't even remember what my early years looked like, so I think it'll be same after death.

 

[MeriDeath]

Indeed. Some may believe there's an afterlife or reincarnation so they're afraid they'll suffer again. I understand that sentiment since I grew up with a religion. But just like what you said (if I guess it right), we don't have any consciousness before we were born, heck I don't even remember what my early years looked like, so I think it'll be same after death.

Yeah, right you are, I don't think there's an afterlife either. There might be something as I grew up surrounded by people who would tell me often there's heaven and this, blah blah. But I honestly don't believe this. Once you're born you also have to go. And I can say it's been a heck of a life..and soon to be over.