Discussion Are you going to write a suicide note?

[LeWantsToDie]

I have things I need to say and feelings I need to confess, but the fear of failing and having to face people afterwards is strong.

I don't think telling people that it's not their fault will be effective since they're going to blame themselves anyway if I know them as well as I think I do.

Have you thought about scheduling emails instead? To be sent like a week after your attempt. If you fail, you can always cancel send. Just a thought

 

[Mx_Pathetic]

I want to write something, email or notes. However I just don't know what or how I'd do it. I don't want them to blame themselves or think they could of done anything to change it, however I'm pretty sure they will even if I were to explain otherwise. That and I think I want to explain that I'm aware of my decision and the pain it'll cause to the people who "care" and that I am truly sorry however I'm done this for myself. But idk how to say type/ say it. Or if I should add anything. I also wish to leave a note on my door to warn them not to open it and if they do what they'll expect on the other side.
I want to write something, email or notes. However I just don't know what or how I'd do it. I don't want them to blame themselves or think they could of done anything to change it, however I'm pretty sure they will even if I were to explain otherwise. That and I think I want to explain that I'm aware of my decision and the pain it'll cause to the people who "care" and that I am truly sorry however I'm done this for myself. But idk how to say type/ say it. Or if I should add anything. I also wish to leave a note on my door to warn them not to open it and if they do what they'll expect on the other side.
I want to write something, email or notes. However I just don't know what or how I'd do it. I don't want them to blame themselves or think they could of done anything to change it, however I'm pretty sure they will even if I were to explain otherwise. That and I think I want to explain that I'm aware of my decision and the pain it'll cause to the people who "care" and that I am truly sorry however I'm done this for myself. But idk how to say type/ say it. Or if I should add anything. I also wish to leave a note on my door to warn them not to open it and if they do what they'll expect on the other side.

 

[LeWantsToDie]

I want to write something, email or notes. However I just don't know what or how I'd do it. I don't want them to blame themselves or think they could of done anything to change it, however I'm pretty sure they will even if I were to explain otherwise. That and I think I want to explain that I'm aware of my decision and the pain it'll cause to the people who "care" and that I am truly sorry however I'm done this for myself. But idk how to say type/ say it. Or if I should add anything. I also wish to leave a note on my door to warn them not to open it and if they do what they'll expect on the other side.
I want to write something, email or notes. However I just don't know what or how I'd do it. I don't want them to blame themselves or think they could of done anything to change it, however I'm pretty sure they will even if I were to explain otherwise. That and I think I want to explain that I'm aware of my decision and the pain it'll cause to the people who "care" and that I am truly sorry however I'm done this for myself. But idk how to say type/ say it. Or if I should add anything. I also wish to leave a note on my door to warn them not to open it and if they do what they'll expect on the other side.
I want to write something, email or notes. However I just don't know what or how I'd do it. I don't want them to blame themselves or think they could of done anything to change it, however I'm pretty sure they will even if I were to explain otherwise. That and I think I want to explain that I'm aware of my decision and the pain it'll cause to the people who "care" and that I am truly sorry however I'm done this for myself. But idk how to say type/ say it. Or if I should add anything. I also wish to leave a note on my door to warn them not to open it and if they do what they'll expect on the other side.

That sounds complicated and hard. I'm emphasizing how much this is MY decision in my notes and praying that they won't blame themselves. I'm not a super big part of anyone's life though so I'm reasonably confident that they'll get over it. Just write from your heart and they'll hopefully get it.

 

[zeldalover]

I have two notes written - one for my girlfriend and the other for everyone else. I'm not wasting any of it saying that it's "not anyone's fault", but more so just listing and explaining every reason why I couldn't continue and how I want my funeral to go (assuming one even gets thrown for me) and then a very heartfelt one for my girlfriend, as she's one of the only people who somewhat loves me and I can't just say nothing to her.

 

[_Broken_alice]

We have already written a few. One for our chosen mom, one for our partners, one for our bio-sister, one for our bio-father we disowned... Two more left to write. Still have to write one for the only friend that stayed a friend after our ex divorced us suddenly this year, and one for our other sisters. Maybe no-one ever gets to read them. Maybe not. Depends on how the next few months go. Or how our next psychotic depression episode goes.
Most of them are to try to give the intended recipient some closure and explaining our decision was not sudden as well as why we have come to the decision we have. One of them is us opening up about some things that royally fucked our entire life that we have never been able to voice without being gaslit every single time we tried to work a conversation towards those topics.

 

[byebyeblondie]

Yes, I intend to leave a note. I've drafted one on my phone but I'd hand write it and leave it on the table next to me.

 

[alienoforces]

this is something i've thought about frequently, as i do want to leave a letter, i'm just unsure to who. and i have no idea what i would say. there are so many things i wish i could say to so many people. If i do leave a letter, i would probably write one for my roommate, who would most likely be the one finding me if i ever even have the guts to ctb, and one to my parents. my mother specifically. both will probably follow the same format of "i love you, i'm sorry, here's why i did what i did". i have several drafts of these letters hidden around in various places already. just in case.

 

[LastLoveSong]

no

 

[dangero]

no. People who do evil support each other anyway, so they won't feel guilty. Unless someone is lonely, even if he was very bad I would write such a letter, because in loneliness no one supports you, guilt eats away at you from the inside, it's a very bad feeling.

perhaps people loved you, so you can write such a letter, even if they are not lonely.

 

[f1lth]

yes, im going to write a few different notes for my loved ones. Sometimes i feel bad that not everyone in my life will get one addressed to them, i try not to think about it though

 

[beaten96]

Oh hhheell yes.. tell them all where they can shove it one last time.. hell yes.. oh god yes.. its the only thing in life that gives me any pleasure.. that is the only thing in life anymore that makes me feel happy.. telling them where they can shove it all.. how wrong they are about everything.. because they're self centered entitled pricks.. i want them to have nothing to say at all.. and be left with knowing that they really did fuck up as people.. and have nowhere to go with their "pain". Because they sure as fuck can't make right with me about it.. really nowhere to go with their ego.. I've got it so my lawyer isn't letting my family have a funeral.. they get no closure.. they get nothing.. which is all they ever gave me.. then again.. they'll have some nasty legal problems on my death anyways.. my family and the rest aren't great people.. i don't know any nice people.. in real life.. i can honestly say i dont think I've ever met a single nice human being ever in my life.. i have never thought of a single human as a nice person.. im in law,. I see nothing but human scum all day.. and trust me.. they live up to it.. and more.. Im trained to read between the lines of people and understand implication at a heavy level because we use implication in law all the time to prove a point.. people fail to realize.. I understand everything they dont say.. and I see all agendas.. i dont think of anybody as nice.. the only thing they force out of me is suicide.. thats all they get.. and more lawyers.. i have three lawyers now..

anyways. Telling them where to shove it is the only thing that will give me any happiness at the end.. my life doesn't matter.. my work matters but its only that.. work only sees me as an asset. Have actually said this to my face.. which is illegal.. because she's white trash.. they dont care about me.. and i really dont give a fuck about them.. they can burn in legal and court hell for life.. they got legal bills to gargle drano.. and it's about to get a lot worse.. and im done making people rich that dont give a single fuck about me especially a bunch of sleazy slimey lawyers.. that think they're smarter than they really are.. and better than they really are..

medicine is trash.. lawyers are scum slime balls..

Medical people really are all Meredith Greta in a sense. Drunk and slutty.. and they fuck and cheat on everything and everybody.. lawyers.. they do the same.. but they're sleaziest about it.. and they're underhanded and tricky.. they all reek of Gordon gecko..

Never met a lawyer that didn't remind me of Gordon gecko somehow.. every single one of them..

They act like they're not a hot mess.. you just dont notice doctors are because they're too busy at work doing their job for you to see behind the scenes.. doctors are a bunch of drunk dramatic whores..

Defitnely telling all my mental health professionals and doctors where they can shove it..

Telling any lawyer i worked with they can go fuck themselves.. they'll need a lawyer by the time im done with them..

It's their career they ruin over their insane bullshit.. not mine..

Even the ones that aren't technically legally fucked up at work. Their attitude says it all.. sometimes you just find the rare lawyer that understands i get them,.. all the way.. and we dont have to do the whole lets be buddy buddy talking thing.. i dont care..

By the way.. never make the mistake that a your lawyers care about you.. you know how much smack talk I've heard lawyers talk about their clients behind their back.. they don't care..

Doesn't matter how much you've gone through.. how much they think they know or understand.. never met a lawyer that isn't a some two faced scum bag piece of shit.. some are just smart enough to not care all the way..

cant wait to fuck them all one last time.. and fuck them all the way..

hate them all..

Even if my next attempt fails.. they have no way out.. they'll be in that much deeper.. there isn't any way out anymore..

Tell all my doctors they failed.. they've done nothing but fail.. they've been failing for years.. cant even throw a motherfucker the obvious..

Oh well on the doctors, lawyers, and definitely my stupid worthless insane trash family.. dont even get me started on the worthless ex's i have.. my ex husband and my ex boyfriend..

Sick of of a bunch of bitches i don't know trying to act like they know me.. and talk a bunch of run it up shit like you know me.. dont worry about me.. worry about you.. stay in your lane and out of mine.. i handle myself just fine..

the big problem with somebody like myself in law and the place in law im at These days.. is i make for a compelling legal argument to relax suicide laws in terms of how its managed medically.. meaning wider access to an exit plan without pain and not being terminally ill..

Because the lengths we have to go to to get out of our lives without pain short of blowing our heads off is very limited.. its inhumane.. animals get better treatment than humans do..

and its your life.. you get to make those calls.. whether anybody else likes it or not.. and no.. they are so insanely limited to controlling you its not funny.. they have nothing..they have next to no power at all really…..


By the way.. know your legal rights.. as a human and a patient.. they have next to no power.. And they cant and nobody else can limit you or your potential or anything because thats discrimination.. they cant even talk about it..

You can sue the piss out of them.. you're entitled to privacy during every part of your death journey.. no matter how many tries it takes.. it takes a while sometimes.. and its easy to be seduced by the potential of life..

People just dont like looking at somebody they know is dying in some deep inner way.. that cant be explained away by something like cancer or the rest.. as if your brain was rotting itself alive with depressive "cancer" anyways.. they're looking at somebody that's as good as dead.. And they cant cop out that you have physical health problem.. Even though it's your brain. It controls everything else.. thats how ignorant they all are..

so yeah.. tell them all to shove it.. and tell those you love one last time how you feel..

By the way.. if anybody says shit to you.. they're discriminating you and you can sue the piss out of them for that.. you're entitled to express you health concerns any way you want and still be entitled to privacy and nobody gets to have an opinion.. they take it too far.. your doctors can sue.. for interfering with treatment..

I'm not entirely convinced.. but they say some psych docs.. some shrinks eat themselves alive when they lose a patient.. i dont know how much I believe that but sure.. im not convinced those assholes are human or have souls..

Still though.. they are a business.. and its bad for business if your patients get harassed into suicide.. they can sue..

they should..

I digress.. write two notes.. make another note to make you legal daily life stuff clear to your family.. finances.. funeral wishes.. keep that separate.. helps with everything legally..

Sorry. I'm right before my next attempt more than likely.. its shaping up that way.. trying to make this one count all the way.. kinda all or nothing.. so i have a lot on my mind..

Having my lawyer teams sue the shit out of my everybody.. then they pay themselves out and my kid out.. and was only wanting to donate the rest to abortion. But maybe something along these lines too.. donate my years of hard legal work to truly disadvantaged people.. like I've always been in some way.. And never could get the trash ignorance to get its fucking stupid grip off my life..

I'm a highly ranked litigation assistant.. so id definitely take me up on making your legal stuff separate and clear for a judge and family.. a judge has to look over everything often times one last time.. division of assets.. things of that nature..

I feel you.. I just have an entire list of people im sending to hell with my death.. and have two people i love enough to say a real goodbye to..

kinda sad what it all comes down to in the end.. a whole lot of nothing.. usually is for most people.. thats the really big joke people dont get.. the one joke i think why we are all here.. were all too aware.. its all just a bunch of fucking nothing.. and they keep trying to convince us otherwise..

and if you stay alive.. they guilt trip this type of shit over your head.. and compound your problems.. because they're trash..

IT really is them just trying to convince us all. How am i not right about it all again.. how is any of this shit actually worth it though.. how is all your drama and bullshit and loads of complete constant never ending crap worth anything anymore..

COngrats to everybody here on your alls very first real legal argument against a fucked up worthless corrupt medical and legal system..

And a fucked up country thats essentially a third world country in a fucking gucci belt in an even worse world..

Good luck with your letters..

 

[Manfrotto99]

I've no one to write a note to and my dog can't read. No one listened to what I had to say in life, I do not expect that being dead would make the slightest difference.

 

[everyonesaniki]

I already have, it's very short, only two sentences long.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Yes multiple notes

 

[StarlightDreamer]

The people who love me deserve closure. They don't know the pain I endure, the suffering I went through. If I can offer explanation for this most irrevocable of acts, I feel they'll be able to better make peace with it.

I also plan to ship my mom a giant 6" teddy bear. On the paws I'll have them write "Love you forever!", and "Your daughter, X".

 

[ghostkidd]

I have one written in which I tell someone not to blame themselves and that it's not their fault. I've been resisting the urge to write one in which I tell them it is their fault, but honestly that's just because they recently hurt me and I want them to hurt too so they can understand what they did to me. Really though, if they hadn't been part of my life I would've CTB sooner- they gave me a bit of happiness in this world and I'm grateful for it. Now that I've had that I think I can be more at peace with the end of my story.

I think the copy I have written up is the one I'll use. It wishes them well and reaffirms that this is not their fault, simply the path I was always going to take.

 

[bunny_brownie9]

yes a general letter for when I'm found and individual letters to some of my family & friends.

 

[nodaysleft]

My mom passed away 2 years ago, unexpectedly. My aunt was also terminally ill and I recommend to her that she'd write letters to her children. I very much miss a last word or an 'I love you' or something from my mom. So yeah, I'm definitely leaving letters for my loved ones. Especially to say that I'm sorry and it isn't their fault but also to tell them I love them just one more time.

 

[depthss]

I've thought about it a lot and I don't think I will. I feel like the note would just be too emotional and be me blaming people or whatever, and I don't really want that to be the last thing I do