are you ever able to fully accept what you're leaving behind?

[134340]

Exactly what the title says. I'm wondering this right now because the only reason I won't ctb as soon as I get my SN is my 2 and a half year old brother. I'm sure of everything except leaving him behind. We're very close because I take care of him while our mother is at work and have done so since he was 3 months old. I was reading about how children grieve online and ended up full on sobbing, which I very rarely do. Just thinking about him asking for me, thinking I've just gone "night night" or "bye bye" for a while, it tears me up so badly. I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I'm okay with the idea of shattering his world, especially as he gets older and is more aware of death and will be more likely to remember me long term. I've been able to rationalize it for the other members of my family despite the close relationship, but with him, I get stuck.

This isn't me asking for advice on how to overcome the feeling, I know it's something I have to do on my own. I won't be leaving until I'm much more comfortable with the idea of leaving him.

So I'm asking you all: do you think it's possible to reach a point where you can fully accept the fact that you're leaving important people (or things) behind?

 

[Mr2005]

I don't know. I don't think I have. The cat, my girlfriend, the snes etc. I've found it easiest just to distance myself and not to remind myself what I'm missing. I wouldn't do it if there wasn't a damn good reason, there's too much I like about life and that's the saddest thing of all

 

[HereToday]

For me it was easy to accept as I'm only leaving behind abusive people who won't care in the slightest. I can imagine in your situation it would be much more difficult.

If you're going to stick around for him at least for now, maybe take this as your last chance at life? Try your best to create a life worth living. If it doesn't work out at least you know you did everything you could

 

[MysticPerception]

I know I'm definitely not able to just cut it off entirely and overcome it so to speak. I'm honestly afraid my cat is going to lose the will to live after I ctb. He's my lifeline and he's the only reason I haven't done it impulsively already. I've already reached the point though where I know he doesn't have many years left so it's either him or me first, one way or another one of us is going to lose it completely.

 

[TheEndof]

Yes and no. I've accepted that I'm leaving important people behind but I've also accepted that it's for the best. That's maybe what I struggle with most. I wish it weren't for the best. I feel a lot of guilt for what I'll never be or be able to offer my loved ones while living. I don't think I'll ever fully accept that.

 

[thelastchicken]

Exactly what the title says. I'm wondering this right now because the only reason I won't ctb as soon as I get my SN is my 2 and a half year old brother. I'm sure of everything except leaving him behind. We're very close because I take care of him while our mother is at work and have done so since he was 3 months old. I was reading about how children grieve online and ended up full on sobbing, which I very rarely do. Just thinking about him asking for me, thinking I've just gone "night night" or "bye bye" for a while, it tears me up so badly. I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I'm okay with the idea of shattering his world, especially as he gets older and is more aware of death and will be more likely to remember me long term. I've been able to rationalize it for the other members of my family despite the close relationship, but with him, I get stuck.

This isn't me asking for advice on how to overcome the feeling, I know it's something I have to do on my own. I won't be leaving until I'm much more comfortable with the idea of leaving him.

So I'm asking you all: do you think it's possible to reach a point where you can fully accept the fact that you're leaving important people (or things) behind?

This post is so full of love... I deeply empathise with your pain.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I dont know, its a very individual question. For me in the past I never went ahead with my plans to end my life as at the time I had people who genuinely loved and cared about me, and I knew I couldn't do it to them. This was my beloved parents. Sadly I have lost both now from this world and my life is in tatters, I have noone else who loves me like they did and am alone. I have no end of health problems and very poor quality of life and am in shock too as not long lost my dad and I just wish to CTB, yet I am still here. I do have a few friends who would miss me, but have noone who genuinely needs or respects me now.

What is keeping me here? I am scared, unsure and wondering is it the right thing for me to do.

Any doubts means that we have alot to still think about.

You clearly have a mother and a darling little brother you think so much of, for me, however hard life is, that would be two big reasons to rethink things, but that is just how I would be seeing it.

I think some of us accept leaving important people/things behind more than others, we are all different.

You take good care of yourself and those that love you, any doubts mean that you are not ready, however small the doubt maybe.

 

[sleepy dog]

Exactly what the title says. I'm wondering this right now because the only reason I won't ctb as soon as I get my SN is my 2 and a half year old brother. I'm sure of everything except leaving him behind. We're very close because I take care of him while our mother is at work and have done so since he was 3 months old. I was reading about how children grieve online and ended up full on sobbing, which I very rarely do. Just thinking about him asking for me, thinking I've just gone "night night" or "bye bye" for a while, it tears me up so badly. I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I'm okay with the idea of shattering his world, especially as he gets older and is more aware of death and will be more likely to remember me long term. I've been able to rationalize it for the other members of my family despite the close relationship, but with him, I get stuck.

This isn't me asking for advice on how to overcome the feeling, I know it's something I have to do on my own. I won't be leaving until I'm much more comfortable with the idea of leaving him.

So I'm asking you all: do you think it's possible to reach a point where you can fully accept the fact that you're leaving important people (or things) behind?

That child is 2 years old. It won't even understand that you are gone. Its a good thing in this situation that it is that young.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Exactly what the title says. I'm wondering this right now because the only reason I won't ctb as soon as I get my SN is my 2 and a half year old brother. I'm sure of everything except leaving him behind. We're very close because I take care of him while our mother is at work and have done so since he was 3 months old. I was reading about how children grieve online and ended up full on sobbing, which I very rarely do. Just thinking about him asking for me, thinking I've just gone "night night" or "bye bye" for a while, it tears me up so badly. I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I'm okay with the idea of shattering his world, especially as he gets older and is more aware of death and will be more likely to remember me long term. I've been able to rationalize it for the other members of my family despite the close relationship, but with him, I get stuck.

This isn't me asking for advice on how to overcome the feeling, I know it's something I have to do on my own. I won't be leaving until I'm much more comfortable with the idea of leaving him.

So I'm asking you all: do you think it's possible to reach a point where you can fully accept the fact that you're leaving important people (or things) behind?

I don't think I will be able to fully accept what I want to do because of family & friends. Mostly my parents. I think friends will be able to move on a lot sooner.
They have others in their lives to keep themselves busy, not that family doesn't.

 

[Farmmaa]

No.
I will never feel at peace about hurting my family. No one with any conscious would.
But, eventually one gets to a place where your daily suffering is just to much to bear and you have to act for yourself.

 

[BlueWidow]

Your post is so sweet and loving.
Just about everyone I love and everyone who ever loved me is dead. The few that are left are either older people, so they're going to die relatively soon anyway, or people in the middle of their lives so they have families and other things they can focus on. I'm not really worried about leaving things behind because things don't mean anything to me. I have no pets to leave behind either. There's literally nothing keeping me here anymore, except tying up some loose ends which I'm trying to work on as quickly as I can. It's so hard for me to function these days that I can't even find the energy or motivation to do what I need to do to get ready to ctb. So tired.

 

[S1mpleme]

I'm sorry, but this is not an issue for me - I don't have anyone or anything in my life to leave behind.

 

[Final Escape]

I have few friends besides my cat. I love him a lot but I'm a prostitute and not living in a truly stable situation. It's not that I want to give up on life especially if I had a fulfilling happy life. I just don't really feel able to change much at 42, with the issues I have going on. I don't want to be a prostitute anymore but that also means I'll be really broke and dealing w wage slave jobs, bad living situations, I would rather ctb then try to quit at this point. Death is my only way out of prostitution now.

 

[Moonicide]

Yes, I've been sitting with my emotions for quite some time now when it comes to ctb. I've cried, I've gotten angry, I've mourned for the life I deserved to have, but I was dealt with bad cards and born into unfortunate circumstances. I've accepted the fact that the life I have isn't sustainable... I'm living off of disability checks and food stamps due to the severity of my mental health. I only get $550 a month, which isn't enough to support myself. My relationship of almost 3 years is dying due to the fact I'm unable to support myself. He worries about the future, and he says I lack ambition or drive. I can't blame him. It's only a matter of time he's going to leave me. I can't hold onto anything. Despite it all, I'm still very much loved and I will be hurting people as I leave this world. I've accepted that. I've tried my best to make things a bit more easier for them as I go. I've written goodbye letters. I've bought them gifts. I've made a mixtape for my boyfriend that is symbolic of my passing, but he won't know it until I'm gone. I've cleaned and put things into boxes... But at the same time I thought of my mother and decided to let a few things remain as deep down, if I was a mother and I lost my daughter, I'd want to keep her things. I'd hold onto them and cherish them. I'm a very sentimental soul, and so is my mother. So I've done everything with much thought and care. I already purchased a bios planting urn they can use for me when I've been cremated so I can become one with nature and help it thrive... All I can hope is this will provide them with comfort and closure one day. I hope they can reach a point in their lives where they can understand why I chose to leave this world.

 

[2manyproblems]

Was it hard to get disability for your mental health?