Are you certain about your decision?

[Hope:-)]

Are you? I am, and it feels terrifying as I know there's no way out of it now. I would like to talk to people who are also certain about going forward with this as I don't know anyone who is and they must be feeling the same thing
Thanks

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Dead certain. Pun intended. Whatever ambivalence or doubt exists is inconsequential.

 

[27clubBRIAN]

I've started setting up for full suspension for the past couple nights , testing the waters a little bit more and more , feels like I'm getting closer to certainty , they say practice is key to success with this method

 

[Jrmull1993]

I am, and it feels terrifying as I know there's no way out of it now.

If you don't mind me asking, how so?

For me personally, it's brought nothing but peace.

 

[Hope:-)]

If you don't mind me asking, how so?

For me personally, it's brought nothing but peace.

The physical pain part...the possibility of choking on my vomit. I'm a little slow cognitively due to meds so prepping the method properly is a concern as is sourcing the sn to begin with. So many practical concerns and worries.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do feel certain about my decision to ctb, I know that I could never want to live no matter what and there is absolutely nothing here for me in this world. I see no point to suffering when instead I could be peacefully not existing. The thing that holds me back is that dying is difficult. I fear the method failing and in general, I have limited access to methods which is what keeps me here in this world. Existing really is so horrifying and I think that if it was easier to leave I would already be gone.

 

[Jrmull1993]

The physical pain part...the possibility of choking on my vomit. I'm a little slow cognitively due to meds so prepping the method properly is a concern as is sourcing the sn to begin with. So many practical concerns and worries.

I see what you mean. Not sure whether your in the US, but if so, sourcing SN wasn't too much of a burden for me.

 

[Vines]

Sometimes I am and other times I am not. I guess I secretly want things to get better but I have waited close to 12 years for things to get better
so I am losing hope. At the very least I want to secure my safety net in case I need it. I am not always hell bent on dying but the days I am, if I had the means to swiftly and impulsively kill myself I would without hesitation but funnily enough killing yourself is harder then it seems (And often really slow).

 

[Hope:-)]

I have a a source for sn...trouble is as I mentioned in another thread I live in supported housing. I will have my own flat and they won't open my mail.. I'm just concerned my source wont send it to a supported housing block of flats as this may ring alarm bells. If I need 'support' they may think I have mental health issues and not send it. The last thing I need is a welfare check. I'm only living there to save money...argh it's a bit of a mess.
I'm UK...not sure how stringent they are here about delivering to private addresses in general.

 

[outrider567]

Yes I am still certain--Again recently found some stuff of hers(some cookbooks by Bobby Flay(watched him for 20 years on The Food Network) and many others, as well as some of our Christmas stuff decorations)--- Felt lightheaded and shaky as I threw them all into a garbage bag

 

[Peaceinsleep]

For the first time ever, driving through the town and seeing my depression unfold before me, I am. I had him take pictures of me that captured my essence of these are the last photos of her. Now in the planning stages, I've even came to the conclusion that being a veggie would be better than being a dready (a person who dreads life) a little dark humor there but yes I am certain

 

[Yumeko.dreams]

Are you? I am, and it feels terrifying as I know there's no way out of it now. I would like to talk to people who are also certain about going forward with this as I don't know anyone who is and they must be feeling the same thing
Thanks

I would be. If I had a reliable method smh.
My best bet is to walk around and hope I find a 10+ story building/a good size lake/ railroad. Buuuut if anyone wants to help me jury rig a night-night... ;)

anyways, glad you found the pocket of calm when you commit yourself to ctb.

 

[Hurt]

I've been thinking about it everyday for more than 3 years so guess I'm decided. It's a miracle that I'm still alive.

 

[I need peace]

Not really. I am certain that I want to escape what I'm living, I am certain that I am in pain, but I'm lately becoming more and more terrified of dying, and I don't know why

 

[eternal_life]

Not really. I am certain that I want to escape what I'm living, I am certain that I am in pain, but I'm lately becoming more and more terrified of dying, and I don't know why

Me too. Sometimes I think that the best way out of my suffering and current situation is CTB, but other days my thought is to fight despite the extreme difficulties that have arisen in my life. I don't want to die, I want my life to be better than it is now. And I think that we all or most of us have that thought here, we don't want to die, we want to stop suffering.

Furthermore, my spiritual belief is that this life has been given to us to evolve as the spiritual beings that we are, and the difficulties that come our way, no matter how painful and terrible they may be, help us in that evolution. That's another reason I sometimes think you have to fight in this life, no matter how terrible it gets.

 

[Tortured Existence]

I'm 100% certain about my decision. I'm thankful that I have the peaceful method I always wanted. I fear of screwing it up somehow, which is normal, but unlikely.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm 100% certain about my decision. I'm thankful that I have the peaceful method I always wanted. I fear of screwing it up somehow, which is normal, but unlikely.

What is your method if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Tortured Existence]

What is your method if you don't mind me asking?

N

 

[ooglah]

I have limited access to methods which is what keeps me here in this world.

Have you ever thought about Inert gas? I can't see sourcing those materials to be too difficult.

 

[Hope:-)]

N

Ahhh...you're lucky

Have you ever thought about Inert gas? I can't see sourcing those materials to be too difficult.

I've been thinking of inert gas. Not sure how to do it though.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm good with it and actively working towards it. What keeps me resolved is staying on top of what's going on in this world, on a daily basis, and realizing that I'm not going to be missing anything after I'm gone. It's just the same old shit that keeps going around in perpetuity, with a new kink here, and a new kink there, inserted just for added texture. Nope, I am all good with leaving this cesspool. Nothing will ever fix this place.

 

[TheBroken]

Certain - method is custom made DeBreather - tested and works no problems.

 

[nys]

I'm super certain, I have the method & I've also purposely self sabotaged & ruined anything that could have been a reason to live. I avoided making friends & purposely hurt family members & ruined my relationships with everyone so I'd have no reason to stay & I'd have no doubts. It worked & I know I'm gonna do it, I just need to decide when. I've been feeling a little scared abt doing it lately but whenever I feel scared I remind myself that I ruined anything I could have lived for, so I'm still 100% certain abt doing it, I'm definitely gonna ctb even if I'm a bit scared bc it's less scary than being alive

 

[Lily (Osako)]

The only thing holding me back is the fear of pain and the pain I know I'll leave with my son.

 

[outatime_85]

When I've had enough of being here and am tired of the adventure I'm on, I'll have no problem checking out.

 

[brood]

Since making the decision to commit suicide and working out how I am going to carry it out I am much more relaxed about the future, limited though it is. I just hope that I am able to realise when the optimum time arrives.

 

[Hope:-)]

Since making the decision to commit suicide and working out how I am going to carry it out I am much more relaxed about the future, limited though it is. I just hope that I am able to realise when the optimum time arrives.

I hope I realise too. I wonder if there is a moment when someone just knows it's time. I hope so.

 

[LonelyandAlone]

Yes, i am absolutely certain of my decision. At the moment, my dear Mother is dying from cancer and I feel horrible. She was the only person in the world who really loved me and cared about me. I am scared, depressed, sad and suicidal. I have been suicidal on and off since I was 13 years old. But this time, everything is different. I am finally gonna do it after my Mother's death. Life is absolutely pointless and meaningless. My Mother left quite a lot of money for me and I am gonna spend the money before I go and then just do it. There is no choice. I have absolutely no desire to live in this world. I am all alone and lonely all the time. I am 38 years old and I have never been married and I don't have any children. I've never even been in a serious relationship. I am not ugly or anything. I just have so many mental issues. Depression, OCD, anxiety, panic attacks, social phobia, etc. I feel like a complete and total failure. My social life is non-existent. Every day is torture. I am tired of suffering. There is no point in anything. I don't enjoy anything anyway. I need to end this suffering. All I want and need is peace.

 

[Hope:-)]

Yes, i am absolutely certain of my decision. At the moment, my dear Mother is dying from cancer and I feel horrible. She was the only person in the world who really loved me and cared about me. I am scared, depressed, sad and suicidal. I have been suicidal on and off since I was 13 years old. But this time, everything is different. I am finally gonna do it after my Mother's death. Life is absolutely pointless and meaningless. My Mother left quite a lot of money for me and I am gonna spend the money before I go and then just do it. There is no choice. I have absolutely no desire to live in this world. I am all alone and lonely all the time. I am 38 years old and I have never been married and I don't have any children. I've never even been in a serious relationship. I am not ugly or anything. I just have so many mental issues. Depression, OCD, anxiety, panic attacks, social phobia, etc. I feel like a complete and total failure. My social life is non-existent. Every day is torture. I am tired of suffering. There is no point in anything. I don't enjoy anything anyway. I need to end this suffering. All I want and need is peace.

I relate x

 

[chronicallybroken]

Unfortunately my brain is trying to fight my decision to CTB. Logically I know that everything is shit and I want to die bc nothing will get much better, I have a shit ton of trauma about all different things, probable BPD, and I feel like this somewhat regularly - why keep fighting? Life is horrible. Even for healthy people it's a constant battle to earn, provide, cook, clean, taxes, car insurance, bills. I have mental illnesses and intermittent chronic fatigue. I cannot do it.

But there is a part of my brain that has seen that life can be good (to the point where I've thought "it's a lovely day! how could anyone be unhappy?!" ??????? can't explain how I can think so oppositely) and that part is fighting me HARD. I hate it.