Are you afraid that tomorrow will come?

[StillWaiting]

I want to say that I feel so numb that nothing seems to matter but I know I can't live like this anymore.
As my birthday is tomorrow, I started to think about what have I been doing throughout my whole life.
I have never achieve anything and life just never seems to be enjoyable even in the past. I don't think anything will change my life in future. I just feel so trapped and helpless. I wish tomorrow will never come for me because I don't want to live another day doing the same thing over and over again.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

How old are you going to be?

 

[StillWaiting]

How old are you going to be?

22

 

[TheGoodGuy]

22

That is rough nothing good will come after 20.

 

[StillWaiting]

That is rough nothing good will come after 20.

Yeah. I don't think I will be normal again or feel okay.

 

[21Neberg]

I share your hate for birthdays, since they force you to reflect on your (in my case) useless life. Good luck tomorrow, I hope it'll be an O.K. day regardless.

 

[Soon4me]

Happy Birthday!

 

[Eren]

I understand what you want to say, I feel the same, the reasons why I want CTB are not going to change and I will keep doing the same things over and over again.

 

[Johnnythefox]

That is rough nothing good will come after 20.

Tbh you are still young and you can do what ever you want, I'm not going all pro lifey here btw. I didn't start working as a chef till twenty seven after many years of pissing about.
Twenty two years is nothing imo, I'm more than twice your age.

don't think anything will change my life in future.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Tbh you are still young and you can do what ever you want, I'm not going all pro lifey here btw. I didn't start working as a chef till twenty seven after many years of pissing about.
Twenty two years is nothing imo, I'm more than twice your age.

I will turn 25 next month and I can´t do what I want I have a defect body with 6 physical illnesses and can´t even eat properly. I am 24 and you think I am young meanwhile 40 or 50 year old´s are healthier than me so don´t you say I can´t do what I want it´s like telling a guy in a wheelchair to just walk it off.

 

[Johnnythefox]

I will turn 25 next month and I can´t do what I want I have a defect body with 6 physical illnesses and can´t even eat properly. I am 24 and you think I am young meanwhile 40 or 50 year old´s are healthier than me so don´t you say I can´t do what I want it´s like telling a guy in a wheelchair to just walk it off.

I wasn't talking to you mate, I was addressing the Op, so get aff yer high horse..
Aye a quoted your post for its totally defeatist attitude to the OP'S original post.

 

[SMarie1204]

I remember being 14ish and waking up after taking two costco size bottles of ibuprofen (dumb). My first thought was "I'm awake". My second thought was "Shit, I'm awake". Mornings are always hard for me, I used to sleep with a bag over my head so I'd suffocate. Looking back it's funny that I would do that but also desperate and sad. I also didn't think I'd live past 30, I turned 30 last year and still feel 14, so every day when i wake up it's the same pissed off feeling plus physical pain for no reason. In olden times I'd be dead by now, so every day is just a bonus that's shitty and I don't want. Give my life to someone who cares.

 

[Redt2go]

I remember being 14ish and waking up after taking two costco size bottles of ibuprofen (dumb). My first thought was "I'm awake". My second thought was "Shit, I'm awake". Mornings are always hard for me, I used to sleep with a bag over my head so I'd suffocate. Looking back it's funny that I would do that but also desperate and sad. I also didn't think I'd live past 30, I turned 30 last year and still feel 14, so every day when i wake up it's the same pissed off feeling plus physical pain for no reason. In olden times I'd be dead by now, so every day is just a bonus that's shitty and I don't want. Give my life to someone who cares.

Do you have a job?

 

[SMarie1204]

Do you have a job?

Not sure how that is relevant? Elaborate please.

Edited to include: Since I can't hear your tone I have no idea if you're being critical or not and my natural instinct is to assume you may be because I've got issues, so if not I'm sorry =/

 

[Redt2go]

Not sure how that is relevant? Elaborate please.

Sorry I can be a bit selfish, was asking for myself. I feel this way on a daily and can't seem to function with this mindset was wondering if others are able to do that. I know the normal thing to do would've been to offer empathy. My bad. You don't have to answer ... I also have no intentions on living until 30... I guess what I'm saying is I can't comprehend being in your situation

 

[SMarie1204]

Sorry I can be a bit selfish, was asking for myself. I feel this way on a daily and can't seem to function with this mindset was wondering if others are able to do that. I know the normal thing to do would've been to offer empathy. My bad. You don't have to answer ... I also have no intentions on living until 30... I guess what I'm saying is I can't comprehend being in your situation

Oh, okay :) My bad I'm paranoid. Well I go through phases where I can work and I do well for a few months, but then insecurities set in and I bail because my depression takes over. I'm broke as hell. Right now I'm in physical therapy for a recurrent shoulder injury and the job that I feel like I can do requires me to be able to lift 40 pounds. So I'm basically going nowhere right now. Soon I won't have money for wifi, so I won't be able to connect with people here and no family to speak of that would help. It's scary. I know how you feel, I wish I could carry it for both of us since I'm just used to it.

I'm basically just waiting to die. Any moment now, once I get my method straight. It's either that or be homeless.

 

[Redt2go]

Oh, okay :) My bad I'm paranoid. Well I go through phases where I can work and I do well for a few months, but then insecurities set in and I bail because my depression takes over. I'm broke as hell. Right now I'm in physical therapy for a recurrent shoulder injury and the job that I feel like I can do requires me to be able to lift 40 pounds. So I'm basically going nowhere right now. Soon I won't have money for wifi, so I won't be able to connect with people here and no family to speak of that would help. It's scary. I know how you feel, I wish I could carry it for both of us since I'm just used to it.

You're sweet:(

 

[SMarie1204]

You're sweet:(

Nah, your pain triggers mine so its like why should two people suffer? I volunteer as tribute.

 

[JustAboutDone]

@StillWaiting i am sorry that you're feeling so unhappy and drained. These feelings are wearing and sap all your energy, don't they.
It's hard to look at your life and think you haven't achieved anything - especially when it feels that other people your age are doing all sorts of things. But they are not battling depression or anxiety most likely and fighting these sorts of enemies are exhausting.

Try not to torture yourself of things you think make you not a success. You've made it this far with illness - that in itself is the mark of courage. Xx

 

[journeytotheend]

I want to say that I feel so numb that nothing seems to matter but I know I can't live like this anymore.
As my birthday is tomorrow, I started to think about what have I been doing throughout my whole life.
I have never achieve anything and life just never seems to be enjoyable even in the past. I don't think anything will change my life in future. I just feel so trapped and helpless. I wish tomorrow will never come for me because I don't want to live another day doing the same thing over and over again.

Happy Birthday in advance!
Birthdays can be so incredibly difficult when you struggle, mine always involves lots of tears. For many years I've become extra depressed and anxious in the weeks leading up to it, just because I dread what I know is coming. It 's a day where you sum up, one more year, and that can be rough when life is far from what you wished for. In the moments where I manage to be positive, I also see it as one more year where you made it. Made it through the year, whatever shit life has served, and that's a reason for celebration.

I hope you do something nice for yourself on your birthday, no matter what!

 

[Redt2go]

Happy Birthday in advance!
Birthdays can be so incredibly difficult when you struggle, mine always involves lots of tears. For many years I've become extra depressed and anxious in the weeks leading up to it, just because I dread what I know is coming. It 's a day where you sum up, one more year, and that can be rough when life is far from what you wished for. In the moments where I manage to be positive, I also see it as one more year where you made it. Made it through the year, whatever shit life has served, and that's a reason for celebration.

I hope you do something nice for yourself on your birthday, no matter what!

awh this is so positive

 

[SMarie1204]

@StillWaiting Try not to torture yourself of things you think make you not a success. You've made it this far with illness - that in itself is the mark of courage. Xx

Reading that was a breath of fresh air. Grateful for supportive vibes <3

 

[JustAboutDone]

Birthdays can be so incredibly difficult when you struggle, mine always involves lots of tears. For many years I've become extra depressed and anxious in the weeks leading up to it, just because I dread what I know is coming. It 's a day where you sum up, one more year, and that can be rough when life is far from what you wished for. In the moments where I manage to be positive, I also see it as one more year where you made it. Made it through the year, whatever shit life has served, and that's a reason for celebration.

Absolutely agree with you x

 

[Eren]

I will turn 25 next month and I can´t do what I want I have a defect body with 6 physical illnesses and can´t even eat properly. I am 24 and you think I am young meanwhile 40 or 50 year old´s are healthier than me so don´t you say I can´t do what I want it´s like telling a guy in a wheelchair to just walk it off.

I will be 25 in a few months, I do not have much hope to continue living.

 

[brighter]

I want to say that I feel so numb that nothing seems to matter but I know I can't live like this anymore.
As my birthday is tomorrow, I started to think about what have I been doing throughout my whole life.
I have never achieve anything and life just never seems to be enjoyable even in the past. I don't think anything will change my life in future. I just feel so trapped and helpless. I wish tomorrow will never come for me because I don't want to live another day doing the same thing over and over again.

Finally someone who can put into words what I can't. I wake up and HAVE to find a reason everyday to get out of bed, and sometimes it's the silliest thing like a nice breakfast or some days nothing at all

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I feel the dread of tomorrow every day because I have nothing to look for and in the morning I feel the worst, I hate to wake up to the nightmare of existing.
And it means that I am a bit closer to some deadlines that I am not prepared to deal with.

 

[Johnnythefox]

I hope the next Adam Lanza guns you and your entire family down.

Wtf are you on about?

 

[Redt2go]

Wtf are you on about?

They said something similar to me in another thread and have a habit of saying stupid stuff in all threads. I just have them on ignore...

 

[Johnnythefox]

I hope the next Adam Lanza guns you and your entire family down.

Hate speech, good for you mate! Keep it up!

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I wasn't talking to you mate, I was addressing the Op, so get aff yer high horse..
Aye a quoted your post for its totally defeatist attitude to the OP'S original post.

How was I supposed to know? You quoted my post where I said "nothing good comes after the age past 20" and then you go on to say this "Tbh you are still young and you can do what ever you want, I'm not going all pro lifey here btw. I didn't start working as a chef till twenty seven after many years of pissing about.
Twenty two years is nothing imo, I'm more than twice your age. "

You get off your high horse, why do I have to know you didn´t start working as a chef till 27 years old? You are implying that I am still young and healthy and can do whatever like all the healthy people just like you"

And if the post wasn´t meant for me then don´t quote it.