dragontale14
Sufferer
- Jul 17, 2023
- 41
I have been trying in vain to kill myself since I was 11 y/o. It's never worked (obviously), and I've never stopped being suicidal.
The only time I stop for any prolonged period trying to end my life, has been when I've decided that it isn't worth it, that it's too hard, but ultimately it could never be "not worth it", because suicide is likely the most worthwhile thing anybody could ever do.
There are no expectations involved (outside of the expectation that one will die and stay dead). The worst case scenario in a suicide attempt is that one will not die and instead live and continue to suffer, perhaps in new ways that they were not suffering before. The best case scenario is to just die.
If I could snap my fingers and kill all of the posters on this site, I'd do it, because ultimately it would be more merciful than anything else this world could offer us. It's not fair to force somebody to live in pain, it's not fair to make it so difficult for somebody to kill themselves that it basically becomes impossible. People die every day who ultimately don't deserve it -- people who were good and had loving individuals on this Earth who cared for them and didn't want to see them go, and they didn't want to go either. I, on the other hand, have tried so many times to kill myself in every way you could think of short of straight up suicide-by-firearm that my continued existence just feels like a cruel and evil joke.
It's not fair. Why aren't we dead if that's what we want -- why are other good, loved and loving people dead who never asked for it gone. It doesn't make any sense. Why have I had near-death experiences, but not actually dead experiences. Are we all doomed to keep walking this planet forever and ever? Are we all just gonna die of old age? And then what. Is that going to be the sum of my life? I've never even died in a dream before, every day I wake up and it's like nothing I ever did mattered because I'm still here, still hurting.
The only time I stop for any prolonged period trying to end my life, has been when I've decided that it isn't worth it, that it's too hard, but ultimately it could never be "not worth it", because suicide is likely the most worthwhile thing anybody could ever do.
There are no expectations involved (outside of the expectation that one will die and stay dead). The worst case scenario in a suicide attempt is that one will not die and instead live and continue to suffer, perhaps in new ways that they were not suffering before. The best case scenario is to just die.
If I could snap my fingers and kill all of the posters on this site, I'd do it, because ultimately it would be more merciful than anything else this world could offer us. It's not fair to force somebody to live in pain, it's not fair to make it so difficult for somebody to kill themselves that it basically becomes impossible. People die every day who ultimately don't deserve it -- people who were good and had loving individuals on this Earth who cared for them and didn't want to see them go, and they didn't want to go either. I, on the other hand, have tried so many times to kill myself in every way you could think of short of straight up suicide-by-firearm that my continued existence just feels like a cruel and evil joke.
It's not fair. Why aren't we dead if that's what we want -- why are other good, loved and loving people dead who never asked for it gone. It doesn't make any sense. Why have I had near-death experiences, but not actually dead experiences. Are we all doomed to keep walking this planet forever and ever? Are we all just gonna die of old age? And then what. Is that going to be the sum of my life? I've never even died in a dream before, every day I wake up and it's like nothing I ever did mattered because I'm still here, still hurting.