Discussion Are we actually great actors?

[narval]

IDK what tell. Various knows i'm with deppresion, but even so, the ones who i haven't tell doesn't knows the deep of my situation. However there's a couple of persons who can suspect something because very very very bad day and low guard. So, overall i can hide pretty well.

 

[Carrotcake]

I don't know about others, but I can always tell in pictures when I have ~the look of death~ in my eyes.

 

[fred farkle]

to answer,in my case,yeah,i am a good actor. i hide my despair fairly well.
theres no one in my life that i could share this ctb stuff with.
i had a partner with whom i could talk about anything,but she is gone and thats why i obsess over that damn bus!

 

[Fehler]

Maybe I could consider myself a good actor a few years ago when I was working in tourism. Having to be smiling at the audience when you are dead inside costs...besides, that it was difficult to maintain "composure" since I spent hours with customers in the car and had to maintain a positive/cheerful attitude (after all, they were at vacations) and I was the "first impression" they received from the company I was with because I was going to pick them up at the airport. And not only in front of clients, to remain calm and not overwhelmed with the bustle of airports, traffic jams...etc. I was exhausted by so much interaction.
My family and friends do not know anything about it although I no longer put so much emphasis on hiding it.

I remembered once I lost my role. I arrived 1h late to a service because the crane took the van because of a guide. When I arrived to the place, she received me loudly and I had to explain what happened, he understood it and explained to the rest of the clients what happened. When I was on my way to their destination, one of them slipped a € 5 bill over my leg, it was not the fact of receiving the tip but the fact that they understood that it was not my fault and I had a lot of stress on me. I blurted out a "thank you" with difficulty, the tender vein already struck me and I was sobbing silently. Even with the sunglasses, I don't think I could have concealed it.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I used to be a good actor. There's always been a huge disparity between how I feel and how I behave. It was such a strange rift. I could say I'm depressed and traumatised, with a smile still on my face.

I think it's adaptive. Displaying emotion was dangerous growing up. I was severely abused. So I learned to dissociate, to maintain a façade of stability and happiness, to always smile.

But as an adult, it's a habit I have had so much difficulty changing, it's so ingrained now. It's only recently that the mask has finally dropped, and I think it's because I've cracked and am so close to death now. I don't need to hide anymore.

 

[AE2021]

My experience is similar to what a lot of others have written. I keep a very good poker face, which actually is acting when I think about it. People very rarely know what I am thinking, and don't bother to try and find out. My suicide will seem like a complete surprise to anyone who has an interest - which would only be a couple of people. A lot of what Persephone said resonates with me. I grew up in an abusive situation and maintained a false front about it to try and be "normal" to the outside world and not let my emotions show to my mother and brother because it was dangerous. It was kind of therapeutic reading everyone's experiences. Thanks for all the posts and sharing.

 

[Lucien]

I don't consider lying, acting or manipulating an achievement considering how warped and loosely-defined my identity is. No matter how fine the act there's that one clever person in the room who can tell. An act too good is suspicious in itself. The ability of "regular folk" to detect oddities is deceptively fine-tuned even if they can't clearly describe what bothers them. One saving grace is that in most situations they just don't care.

The reason they change their tune when the word "suicide" comes up is strongly correlated with cultural conditioning.

 

[WornOutLife]

they love my character, they don't love me.

Damn, this is so deep. Can relate at a 100%.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I thought I was a good shape-shifter until recently, my facade started to fall apart, revealing the cracks in my mask. This is exemplified by the outbursts at work and my inability to blend in with my extroverted peers, who perhaps perceive me as a taciturn, withdrawn woman of a few words. I have always felt incompatible with the world, born in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I struggle to make sense of this materialistic world where might makes right, and everyone prefers instant gratification.

I am reluctant to open myself to 'common folk', as I would expect no less than to have my feelings invalidated, while I get a plethora of platitudes shoved down my throat. In this sense, I realise that I am truly alone, as there is nobody with whom I can share my joys and sorrows. However, as much as I want to have nothing to do with people, no man is an island and we all depend on one another. As for now, I will re-don my mask and continue perfecting the art of the fake smile, and do whatever it takes to make sure no one sees me for who I am.

 

[blue_muse]

I used to give award nominating, not quite award winning, performances trying to blend into the everyday. It's strange because I nearly got into a relationship with someone who seemed willing to accept the parts of my personality I reveal on here (not the alter-ego type). Alas, the person wasn't who I thought they were.

In the present, I generally go about my life in as understated way as possible - not in a Blanche DuBois kind of way.

 

[Isisnefert]

Maldita sea, esto es tan profundo. Puede relacionarse al 100%.

Thanks, Matt