I'm moving in this direction.
A year ago I struggled. I was so sad. I cried a lot, every day. I thought about it ALL the time. It consumed my life. Every moment was an opportunity. I listened to too much Frightened Rabbit. I came close a few times, but I was always too emotional and even hopeful to do it.
Now, a year later, I'm numb, bored, and apathetic to all of this BS. That microscopic sliver of hope and optimism that keeps us all here is GONE. I haven't cried in a while. I exchanged my Frightened Rabbit records for silence. I haven't made any attempts. I don't even think about it that much. I don't know when it will happen, and I'm not itching to get it done. I don't think I'll make much of a fuss when the time comes. I'm still afraid of that last moment, but it's getting easier with time. I'm mostly at peace with it, at least as much as a person possibly can be. There are two reasons I haven't CTB yet. One, my dog. Two, I'm hoping to hear back from one specific person before I CTB.