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Aug 18, 2020
The first is is my never ending and hopless search for a partner. The last two college semesters escalated pretty quickly and my brain did escapism craving for a partner. It culminated in love delusions. My brain literally escaped reality because the actual reality is unbearable. I want to experience true mutual love before I die. I even hope it might prevent my suicide. But more and more I lose all hope. I feel horrendous and I am not sure whether I can accept my fate.

I am pretty much into the music of Lil Peep and Juice WRLD but there are so many songs about love which feel gut-wrenching. Still I really like listening to them.
So my first lie is that one day the struggle will be worth it and I will find true love.

The second lie might be the following: I am comfortable with my outer appearance. I am pretty thin and I like my style. I thought I was good looking. But on dating apps which I used due to my despair I barely got likes. I wonder whether I really look that bad. I read many men barely get likes on there. And my personal preferences are really not the usual and rather niche. But to a certain extent it is probably also my outer appearance which hurts my ego. Some women in the past told me I look (very) well.

In general I think maybe imagining an happy end for myself is unrealistic. My psychiatrist considered my college situation hopeless recently and suggested to search for alternatives. Well bitch I have none and I am suicidal about it. You are not helping me...

Whatever I soon go to another clinic escaping my 24/7 torture simulation for some weeks.

I just tell me lies to survive from one day to the next. Hoping a miracle happens.


머리 아프다
Sep 13, 2023
I tell myself that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and that Jesus saves. He will allow me to achieve eternal salvation. The Lord is my Shepherd, and I am his sheep.

ETA: This is a parody of Christians. Did you fall for it? I bet ya did 🤣
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cute + well adjusted
Mar 23, 2024
i've told myself that i'm not human - that i'm not real somehow or even that i'm already dead. i've convinced myself that terrible people are good for me. i made up a whole religion for myself once. i still regularly daydream about a handsome vampire falling in love with me and whisking me away.

i fully subscribe to the idea that sometimes you have to be a little delusional until things improve. or forever. if it's that or death, y'know?


Disqualified From Being Human
Aug 10, 2023
Things I tell myself for god knows what reason because I don't even believe any of them:
  • You can still turn things around and graduate, get a decent job, and make enough money to be able to move out (this isn't even true for successful people my age in my country because the cost of living and housing situations are so bad, we're among the worst in Europe for adults being stuck living with parents because they can't afford to move out, even the ones that do everything right like going to university and becoming an engineer or something).
  • You'll make friends eventually if you keep trying.
  • People don't all hate you or find you weird and offputting.
  • There isn't something fundamentally wrong with you that makes you different from other people.
  • You're not stupid.
  • You can improve your physical appearance and some day not be disgusting to look at.
  • You'll feel better at some point in the future if you just make it through the next couple of years.
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