are there any forced hetero lesbians?

[dinosavr]

Hii, my name is Alex and I grew up in a veeeeery catholic family, or a catholic prison household if you will. For as long as I can remember, my parents didn't tolerate LGBTQ community and didn't even feel the slightest need to. For like 15 years of my life I had the very same opinion, later then obviously I discovered that's not what's mine at all. I'm forced to get married asap and have cis white children.
Back when I was 18/19 I first thought about my potential bisexuality. I noticed many signs on top of that was my romantic attraction to my female teacher. This never happened before, or so I was wrong the whole time because actually I had my first girl crush back in primary school. I also had male crushes but I remember in secondary school making up a fake crush just to fit in.
Now, I'm 24 and I started thinking if maybe my still existing mental homophobia is working still on a very strong level, stronger than I thought.
And I started considering that maybe deep down I'm just a lesbian. Do you know any way except for dating how to find out? I like both hetero and lesbian porn, but I like gay porn either, it's just about quality, not necessarily their genders.
Maybe because I discovered sapphic part of me so late, in a way I'm having a riot against men. I'm disgusted by men. The only that attract me is their wisdom and many of my crushes happen to be gays. How does it work? I know for sure some of you have better knowledge than me. Let me know in the comments below!! I'd be forever grateful to help me find out what kind of creature I am. It's fucked up but let's just see!

 

[litekiller11]

check the the lgbtq subreddit they will help you more

 

[dinosavr]

check the the lgbtq subreddit they will help you more

Thanks! Will do :)

 

[pilotviolin]

i used to always trick myself into thinking i liked dudes, but the one time i made out with one it just felt very wrong. i always notice women 99% of the time in a "wow" or kinda romantic way, i dont for dudes. whenever it comes to romantic films/ships i relate more to the lesbian ones. i dont know if this helps, its hard to figure out especially if you cant easily experiment with people who understand as well as if youre in an environment where you have to be closeted. im so sorry youre being forced to marry and have children though, i hope one day you can have more freedom to decide for yourself who you want to be with, that sounds so scary and i genuinely hope you can get out of that situation if it isnt what you want.

 

[CTB Dream]

V undrstd this rly awfl stonage wrld me autism nvr rly undrstd hetr alws lesbi alws love fml , ya rly awfl wrld all frc ,me escp all horr now injury damage lose slf lose all

 

[Minsu]

I feel you. All the religions should get banned bc they just brainwash and bullshit people.
I found out that I'm bi when I was 15 and my parents are religious so it was hard for me to get rid of all those manipulative, religious, anti lgbt thoughts which my parents had put on me

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Having those influences and internalised thoughts must be so horrible, I'm sorry you're going through that. I really hope you don't marry someone and have children if that's not what you want, that's a recipe for a really heartbreaking life. Please don't ruin your life because of others, your life is your own and is much more important than that.

As for knowing without dating, I wanted to give some advice but I have never experienced that situation so I hope other members can help more on that regard.

Just wanted to give you some support. I hope that internalised homophobia can be healed and you find peace within yourself. Being hetero, gay, bi, all is valid and well

 

[DarkRange55]

This is more a musing on human sexuality but…

"Definitions also vary regarding how gender and attraction interact for pansexuals. A common perception is that pansexuality means a person's attractions are not influenced by gender. However, pansexuals may feel that gender does not matter[1][2][5]or instead feel it is a factor in the way they are attracted. Some pansexuals are attracted to different genders in different ways, or they are more attracted to particular genders.[1]"

A political commentator on YouTube used this term "pansexual" and said we (all humanity) should strive towards, being sexually attracted to personality, character, intelligence, wisdom, experience, love, (gender blind) ect…
There are multiple normal variants as well as "paraphilias" available to us as humans & people of a certain age are fascinated with defining & categorizing them. Personally I keep it pretty simple preferring the mouth & vagina of a human female to all other possibilities - that said I don't judge what other people do!