Are some goodbye threads just attention?

[Majin K.]

I'm sure it happens here and there, but im inclined to believe people back out more than fake. Wanting to die and going through with it are worlds apart, and sometimes people don't realize that until they are in the moment.

Can agree. When I wanted to throw myself in front of a train I was paralyzed and couldn't do it. When I attempted night night, I couldn't pass out. When I attempted partial it was just way too uncomfortable and couldn't endure it. My preferred methods are now SN, CO and H2S (in that order as I may or may not have access to SN).

 

[WEASEL1234]

Honesty + bothering to see things from others perspectives and not just reacting might take a bit of effort but would ultimately make life a lot easier and a lot better

Yes, I believe there are a few on here as mental illness and pathological obfuscation of the truth kind of go hand in hand sometimes. The silver lining is one can only lie about this sort of thing once.

Very true!
It does go hand in hand for sure.
I know for me that I probably will document my time in a way that could help others. That said when I will be doing it I will be alone so I suppose that it will be impossible to let anyone k ow what's happened after it's been drunk. X

 

[Epsilon0]

I think it is up to each and every one of us regular members to make a judgement call.

If you feel you have the time and predisposition to offer some words of comfort (without any guarantee that the person you are writing to is being truthful), then all the more credit to you for sending a little kindness out into the universe.

If you suspect that the user or the good-bye thread is disingenious, then stay away from the thread.

Silence is the best weapon against trolls.

 

[TheEndof]

I'm sure there are but like I've always said, if you're desperate enough to fake suicide you likely are desperate for help. I don't think many people do it for laughs but maybe out of genuine hopelessness. Either way, I hope they get help because doing something so drastic for attention signifies something bigger.

 

[S1mpleme]

Well, some of them just need attention, some have failed attempt, some really did it and some have just other reasons to lie.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It just worries me that with the negative response through the media this site has gained that continual "this is the end" "goodbye" etc threads that aren't genuine will highlight this further to the media.

I'm curious -- why are you worried about the media? It sounds like this is genuinely troubling you.

 

[Majin K.]

I'm curious -- why are you worried about the media? It sounds like this is genuinely troubling you.

Enough media coverage and this site will get taken down.

 

[Oyoy]

I think your brave to ask.

 

[WEASEL1234]

Enough media coverage and this site will get taken down.

Absolutely, that was my point entirely.

I think your brave to ask.

Thankyou

I'm curious -- why are you worried about the media? It sounds like this is genuinely troubling you.

My friend is a social worker and they've recently had a meeting where this site was the topic so I am just interested in these responses as I for certain don't want the site shut down.

 

[oopswronglife]

Be cautious about asking things like this. We should always err on the side of the victim and innocent people get blamed and accused of things all the time. Someone could easily read such a question and think "I won't bother posting because I don't want to get shit on". Focusing more on media, the "enemy", and drama over the people here suffering is wrong in my view and how every other forum acts in general dogpiling and assuming. I know your question was seemingly genuine...just saying consider the impact vs benefit. This site will not get shut down because of attention. It's set up like a Pirate Bay situation and will just be moved to different hosting etc, and the admins have been clear about their intentions to preserve it. You can't stop the signal Mal...and the signal is not "They are killing are kids!" it's "Sometimes people suffer so much and cannot get help that they cannot endure despite all efforts, and while we want everyone to find a path, forcing them to is unethical and evil, so lets make sure they don't make it worse by drinking bleach or doing stupid things"

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm curious -- why are you worried about the media? It sounds like this is genuinely troubling you.

Enough media coverage and this site will get taken down.

Absolutely, that was my point entirely.

My friend is a social worker and they've recently had a meeting where this site was the topic so I am just interested in these responses as I for certain don't want the site shut down.

Thank you for responding. Now I understand the motivation for the OP: fear of the media.

Fear is a powerful tool for manipulation. Fear empowers bullies.

If the media have the motivation and the power to shut us down, I can see there are a few ways to respond to that:

1. the site owners can make posts limited to members' view rather than public;
2. we can stop talking about methods and stop supporting ctb, which is what the media and others are against;
3. we can ignore the media bullying and carry on as usual;
4. someone can create a similar site that keeps posts private and in which vulnerable members are no longer in a fishbowl.

This site is inherently political. As feminist and post-colonial philosophers have been saying for decades, the body is political.

Because the posts here are public, the site is ultra-political. And where there is a met need, there is automatically a way to generate fear and manipulation, especially when that need is being met out in the open and is morally controversial, whether suicide, abortion or, in some countries, practicing a different religion.

Some folks may indeed post a goodbye thread to manipulate the emotions of the community in order to dysfunctionally fulfill their own needs, from disordered boundaries, to trolling, to externally-based manipulation so that the media has something to use. Regardless of the motive, it is a troubling practice, and it does exist. It is natural to be upset or offended by it.

But if the main reason for being troubled is how the media is going to use it against us, then I respond in two ways:

1. I don't give bullies power by allowing them to dictate how I exercise my human and legal rights in a legal space; and
2. I look past the media to try to see who or what is manipulating them, and SS members, and for what purposes.

 

[Pryras]

I wouldn't say fake but backing out or failed attempts as others have mentioned. Being impulsive is normal so I get it and can empathize with those that can't go through with it or get help.

I stopped talking about my problems outside of the forum because I've had people think it was attention seeking, when it was really a cry for help and a desperate attempt to be be heard. So, fake or not we all could use the support and kindness.

 

[Jean4]

Enough media coverage and this site will get taken down.

Not going to happen. There is nothing illegal being done. If you want to go with that theory, sites like gore would have been taken down ages ago. ;)

 

[oopswronglife]

I stopped talking about my problems outside of the forum because I've had people think it was attention seeking, when it was really a cry for help and a desperate attempt to be be heard. So, fake or not we all could use the support and kindness.

This is my concern. I think everyone here if honest has thought at some point "Pfft you think YOU have it bad!" comparing our own suffering since we all feel our own pain first, but we shouldn't say or imply that to others suffering, dismissing and accusing is what most people do in the face of pain, so victims doing it to other victims should never happen. Always give the benefit of the doubt when not doing so can cause more suffering. Empathy is already in too short supply.

 

[Quarky00]

Lesson learned by most here -- calling severe distress 'attention' or 'fake' is harmful, painful, and traumatic.

Better be wrong and "waste" time than cause harm


(Media image? Fuck it... people's lives are at stake)

 

[WEASEL1234]

Thank you for responding. Now I understand the motivation for the OP: fear of the media.

Fear is a powerful tool for manipulation. Fear empowers bullies.

If the media have the motivation and the power to shut us down, I can see there are a few ways to respond to that:

1. the site owners can make posts limited to members' view rather than public;
2. we can stop talking about methods and stop supporting ctb, which is what the media and others are against;
3. we can ignore the media bullying and carry on as usual;
4. someone can create a similar site that keeps posts private and in which vulnerable members are no longer in a fishbowl.

This site is inherently political. As feminist and post-colonial philosophers have been saying for decades, the body is political.

Because the posts here are public, the site is ultra-political. And where there is a met need, there is automatically a way to generate fear and manipulation, especially when that need is being met out in the open and is morally controversial, whether suicide, abortion or, in some countries, practicing a different religion.

Some folks may indeed post a goodbye thread to manipulate the emotions of the community in order to dysfunctionally fulfill their own needs, from disordered boundaries, to trolling, to externally-based manipulation so that the media has something to use. Regardless of the motive, it is a troubling practice, and it does exist. It is natural to be upset or offended by it.

But if the main reason for being troubled is how the media is going to use it against us, then I respond in two ways:

1. I don't give bullies power by allowing them to dictate how I exercise my human and legal rights in a legal space; and
2. I look past the media to try to see who or what is manipulating them, and SS members, and for what purposes.

Thankyou for that eloquent response. I am indeed fearful of the scrutiny that the media and subsidiary services are aiming at this and other sites.
Thankyou again for a thought provoking response.

Lesson learned by most here -- calling severe distress 'attention' or 'fake' is harmful, painful, and traumatic.

Better be wrong and "waste" time than cause harm


(Media image? Fuck it... people's lives are at stake)

I think you r missed the point entirely.

This is my concern. I think everyone here if honest has thought at some point "Pfft you think YOU have it bad!" comparing our own suffering since we all feel our own pain first, but we shouldn't say or imply that to others suffering, dismissing and accusing is what most people do in the face of pain, so victims doing it to other victims should never happen. Always give the benefit of the doubt when not doing so can cause more suffering. Empathy is already in too short supply.

I agree with you entirely.

I wouldn't say fake but backing out or failed attempts as others have mentioned. Being impulsive is normal so I get it and can empathize with those that can't go through with it or get help.

I stopped talking about my problems outside of the forum because I've had people think it was attention seeking, when it was really a cry for help and a desperate attempt to be be heard. So, fake or not we all could use the support and kindness.

Thankyou, I wanted view points in this subject as I had been told that some "attention seeking" threads were used to assist the media with demonising this site.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I think it's important to remember that people doing a 2-day prep for SN have a lot of time to ask questions and to change their minds.

This would explain some folks who post a good-bye thread and then ask for musical suggestions or the like. Their countdown has begun, but they are still working on prepping their environment, writing their letters and the like.

I have seen what I think is an uptake in the number of people backing out, but I'm not going to be angry or sad about anyone choosing to give life another try.

 

[LastRide]

Look, what would be worse? Being kind and compassionate to someone who was just faking, or to ignore or even scold a genuine suicidal person who just did not have the right "words" to sound convincing? Being wrong about someone's true motives happens to all of us every day, but could you forgive yourself having left someone to die desperate and alone or even pushed him/her into carrying out the deed just because you had some suspicion they were faking but they were not? Let's not get into this, we're supposed to be here to support each other, yes there might be some trolls, but let's just assume that most good-bye threads by people that are back again after a while are just aborted attempts cause not ready, method not right, SI....whatever ! Or just failed attempts. There are a lot of very young people on this site, they might be a bit over-impulsive, but so was I when I was in my twenties and failed two ctb attempts because I did not have the right information (that was before the days of internet and forums such as this...). So be a bit more forgiving please !

 

[Lejes Rimul]

I think so, what other reason to say goodbye? I say, people in the forum are not supposed to be close people who were directly affected psychologically and / or emotionally to leave something that would relieve or harm them

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Some probably are fake. The one I followed closely up until the persons end was verified that she did pass. I think many that do the threads on here are because they want to not be alone at the end and talking to being that understand it is helpful

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Based on the the need for this site -- pain and suffering -- there is an understandable tendency to err on the side of giving posters the benefit of the doubt, and imo a dangerous slant toward owning responsibility for preventing potential dire reactions to healthy suspicion and questioning.

Wherever there is need, and wherever there is empathy, there is opportunity for predation and victimization. The internet has been around long enough that it is well known it is akin to a dark alley. Catfishing, trolling, and Nigerian scams take advantage of needs and tender hearts. Warfare such as what we face from pro-life factions employ the same techniques. Awareness, self-protection, and group protection are wise, and yet they are attacked internally by the same potential co-victims. That is not unique to SS, it happens in a wide variety of social environments.

When the Greeks delivered the gift of the giant horse to the Trojans, I would have been one of the Trojans saying, "Whoa, let's be cautious here. Something seems off." I would have been derided and vilified, perhaps shunned, imprisoned or simply dismissed by those who thought it was such a nice horse. The Trojans embraced the false gift and opened it. An elite group of warriors came out, opened the gates of Troy for the waiting Greek army, and the city was lost, the 10-year war ended.

There is a history on this site of N scammers, partner predators, and pro-life infiltration. Those who have detected fertilizer have ignored those who assumed it meant flowers, and sometimes uncovered some serious bullshit to everyone's benefit.

It takes a brave person to trust their gut and their nose, to say what they smell, and to go against the flow of the crowd to follow their nose all the way to the source. I call @WEASEL1234 brave. This is a nose I would follow. If the nose in fact leads to flowers, it doesn't harm the flowers or the nose to discover them for what they are. But until there are proven to be flowers at the source of the scent, it can do great harm to not only want the odor to lead to flowers, but to assume that it does. And that's what bullshitters want and depend on.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I'm interested to know how many of you think that this can be the case?
I appreciate that some people want to document their demise but I see so many threads where the OP is back online afterward.
It just worries me that with the negative response through the media this site has gained that continual "this is the end" "goodbye" etc threads that aren't genuine will highlight this further to the media.
I have attempted to end my life numerous times so I am not coming from a place if not knowing how this feels. I am 48 and have had a very fulfilled life and my personal choice is now SN which I will document for others in a PURELY information based thread.

Yes I have read a few goodbye threads, I think we are fine for another 6 months as they have more important headline grabbing Corona virus reports to publish, but when the media is struggling for headlines they will be back.

I think a lot of people's SI kicks in and they abandon the attempt and still want to be part of the community and of course I suspect there may be a few who are after the likes, lol

Cheers Geo

 

[AlreadyGone]

I believe so. I usually attribute it to the fact that the individual desperately needs someone to talk to at the time or they want to be talked out of committing the act. A goodbye thread is the best way to get as many eyes on the thread.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I think it's possible that some good-bye threads could be genuine while also being attention seeking at the same time. I know that is what mine probably will be. When I get to the point that I'm ready to leave this world forever, I'm going to want my good-bye thread to be one of those that grabs people's attention, because it would be nice to have some emotional support before I ctb and because I want to leave behind an impression on SS of who I am/was so that I will be remembered.

When the time comes, expect memes, music videos, and photoshopped Total War screenshots, because I want to have a little bit of fun during my last days. It would be nice to share that fun with everyone else on here as well.

 

[Abaigh]

I often plan to do it but pull out at last second and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't post about it because people would think I want attention