FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,602
On the 13th May will turn 24 years old and my area will still be under lockdown measures. Lockdown is easing in the UK but there is plenty of things people can't still cant do. In the UK households are banned from mixing indoors, people can't leave the country to go on holiday and can only leave if they have a good reason to leave ie visiting relatives funeral aboard, business work , seeking medical treatment abroad etc.
Here is a diary of what i feel as I am approaching mid twenties while in lockdown.
Being a 23 year old woman in lockdown I feel like my life is being wasted and there is nothing I can do about it . The decision to lockdown lies with the Prime Minister and Health sectary assisted by their lockdown hawkish scientific advisers meanwhile parliament rubber stamps every lockdown measure in to law.
I hate being in lockdown because I cant explore, grow and become the woman I was truly meant to be in this world. There is so much I want to do with my life
•Get my drivers licence
•Vist Snowdonia mountain park in wales and vist bounce below. Bounce below is a trampoline park inside a cave in wales.
• vist the ice rink in Ontario Canada
• go on the Eurostar train to Amsterdam
the list is endless .....
I fear i will not be able to do any of it.
Every day it upsets me I am not doing anything meaningful with my life. I long for a real meaningful purpose and not having a purpose in lockdown is making me miserable. Most people in lockdown were craving human contact and socialisation but throughout lockdown all i wanted I was a real purpose .
I cant even express my sadness to my own family.
On January I calmly told my grandmother " what if the virus never goes away or the vaccine doesn't work ? We cant spend the rest of our lives in this cycle of lockdowns". I pointed out it will be nearly a year we are in lockdown in the UK when march comes. My grandmother responded " so what you lost a year of your life people have died from covid19 , like that kind man upstairs". The kind man upstairs was my neighbour.
I was so furious when she said this and I didn't even respond.
In January one of my neighbours died from covid19 he left behind 3 children under 10 and a wife . His death has shocked the whole town as nobody was expecting this. The day he died my mother was on the phone lecturing my stepdad about how his family are not taking covid seriously and how people are dying. My family constantly follow the death toll and see no problem with the lockdowns.
There is so much focus on those who died from covid19 it is like the living have been absolutely forgotten. It is tragic people have died from covid19 but the lives and needs of the living matter too if not more.
When i see the covid19 deaths on the news I wish it was me. The doctors and nurses who died from covid19 they had so much to live for. They were married, had children and knew thier real purpose in the world which was to heal. I am just a confused individual who doent know her real place in this world. I dont deserve to be alive.
How can I celebrate my 24th birthday when i have achieved nothing with my life. I have never had a job, never had a boyfriend and no major achievements.
I am just disappointed in what my life has amounted to and disappointed in the person I have become.
We live in a culture that constantly magnifies youth success. If an individual is young and successful in your 20s that person is put on a pedestal and admired by everyone. When i see the Forbes under 30 power list ,a Times Magazine feature of of young people doing activistm and famous young people in thier 20s I just feel like a massive failure.
Being a single woman in lockdown desire intimacy with a man. Last night and for many nights know I dreamt I was naked in a field of flowers with a man on top of me. He called me beautiful and knew my name but didnt know his. He had a welsh accent.
I pretend to be happy but nobody knows how broken and lost I feel everyday.
I feel like we are living in a Simpsons episode of Wild Barts cant be broken.
The experiences of young people in the lockdown have many similarities to the Simpsons episode called Wild Barts to cant broken.
In the Simpsons episode the children of Springfield get blamed by the adults in authority for the damage done to the school which led Chief Wiggum to impose a curfew.
The children lose their freedom because the curfew banned the kids from playing after sunset. Through out the episode the young people receive condemnation and criticism from the adults in Springfield for being badly behaved. The viewer knows it was Homer Simpson and his friends who did the damage to the school.
[https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Wild\_Barts\_Can't\_Be\_Broken](https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Wild_Barts_Can't_Be_Broken)
We young people have become the children of Springfield because our age group is constantly being blamed for the high rise in covid19 infection rates by the adults in authority and the wider community.
The adults in authority are the tabloid newspapers constantly publishing shaming articles of young people throwing parties and The health secretary Matt Hancock blaming young people for causing the infection rate which by not following the rules.
Our parents have become the adults Springfield because they are believing the adults in authority version of events without questioning the evidence and joining in the scape goating of young people.
This is the new ageism we young people are experiencing. My age group is not the only ones breaking the lockdown rules but it our group that gets negative press and ageism by the elderly in our families and the older generation in general.
I loved that episode when I was a child because the children stood up the adults and won in the end.
I have been suicidal and extremely depressed since I was 21 years old.
Being suicidal in lockdown I am fighting my own private war within myself . The battle is whether to chose life or end it all. A lonely battle which I am losing by the day.
I hope one day I can say I won my battle and overcame these overwhelming feelings of emptiness, unsatisfaction , and purposeless.
I dont see his happening anymore
Love FireFox
Here is a diary of what i feel as I am approaching mid twenties while in lockdown.
Being a 23 year old woman in lockdown I feel like my life is being wasted and there is nothing I can do about it . The decision to lockdown lies with the Prime Minister and Health sectary assisted by their lockdown hawkish scientific advisers meanwhile parliament rubber stamps every lockdown measure in to law.
I hate being in lockdown because I cant explore, grow and become the woman I was truly meant to be in this world. There is so much I want to do with my life
•Get my drivers licence
•Vist Snowdonia mountain park in wales and vist bounce below. Bounce below is a trampoline park inside a cave in wales.
• vist the ice rink in Ontario Canada
• go on the Eurostar train to Amsterdam
the list is endless .....
I fear i will not be able to do any of it.
Every day it upsets me I am not doing anything meaningful with my life. I long for a real meaningful purpose and not having a purpose in lockdown is making me miserable. Most people in lockdown were craving human contact and socialisation but throughout lockdown all i wanted I was a real purpose .
I cant even express my sadness to my own family.
On January I calmly told my grandmother " what if the virus never goes away or the vaccine doesn't work ? We cant spend the rest of our lives in this cycle of lockdowns". I pointed out it will be nearly a year we are in lockdown in the UK when march comes. My grandmother responded " so what you lost a year of your life people have died from covid19 , like that kind man upstairs". The kind man upstairs was my neighbour.
I was so furious when she said this and I didn't even respond.
In January one of my neighbours died from covid19 he left behind 3 children under 10 and a wife . His death has shocked the whole town as nobody was expecting this. The day he died my mother was on the phone lecturing my stepdad about how his family are not taking covid seriously and how people are dying. My family constantly follow the death toll and see no problem with the lockdowns.
There is so much focus on those who died from covid19 it is like the living have been absolutely forgotten. It is tragic people have died from covid19 but the lives and needs of the living matter too if not more.
When i see the covid19 deaths on the news I wish it was me. The doctors and nurses who died from covid19 they had so much to live for. They were married, had children and knew thier real purpose in the world which was to heal. I am just a confused individual who doent know her real place in this world. I dont deserve to be alive.
How can I celebrate my 24th birthday when i have achieved nothing with my life. I have never had a job, never had a boyfriend and no major achievements.
I am just disappointed in what my life has amounted to and disappointed in the person I have become.
We live in a culture that constantly magnifies youth success. If an individual is young and successful in your 20s that person is put on a pedestal and admired by everyone. When i see the Forbes under 30 power list ,a Times Magazine feature of of young people doing activistm and famous young people in thier 20s I just feel like a massive failure.
Being a single woman in lockdown desire intimacy with a man. Last night and for many nights know I dreamt I was naked in a field of flowers with a man on top of me. He called me beautiful and knew my name but didnt know his. He had a welsh accent.
I pretend to be happy but nobody knows how broken and lost I feel everyday.
I feel like we are living in a Simpsons episode of Wild Barts cant be broken.
The experiences of young people in the lockdown have many similarities to the Simpsons episode called Wild Barts to cant broken.
In the Simpsons episode the children of Springfield get blamed by the adults in authority for the damage done to the school which led Chief Wiggum to impose a curfew.
The children lose their freedom because the curfew banned the kids from playing after sunset. Through out the episode the young people receive condemnation and criticism from the adults in Springfield for being badly behaved. The viewer knows it was Homer Simpson and his friends who did the damage to the school.
[https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Wild\_Barts\_Can't\_Be\_Broken](https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Wild_Barts_Can't_Be_Broken)
We young people have become the children of Springfield because our age group is constantly being blamed for the high rise in covid19 infection rates by the adults in authority and the wider community.
The adults in authority are the tabloid newspapers constantly publishing shaming articles of young people throwing parties and The health secretary Matt Hancock blaming young people for causing the infection rate which by not following the rules.
Our parents have become the adults Springfield because they are believing the adults in authority version of events without questioning the evidence and joining in the scape goating of young people.
This is the new ageism we young people are experiencing. My age group is not the only ones breaking the lockdown rules but it our group that gets negative press and ageism by the elderly in our families and the older generation in general.
I loved that episode when I was a child because the children stood up the adults and won in the end.
I have been suicidal and extremely depressed since I was 21 years old.
Being suicidal in lockdown I am fighting my own private war within myself . The battle is whether to chose life or end it all. A lonely battle which I am losing by the day.
I hope one day I can say I won my battle and overcame these overwhelming feelings of emptiness, unsatisfaction , and purposeless.
I dont see his happening anymore
Love FireFox
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