apologizing for my existential crisis

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Hi everyone

Perhaps you have seen my posts on the forum in the last couple of weeks.

I have been going through a lot and still am. I fell into existential crisis due to many many issues thanks to my own self-sabotage. My problems are far from solved and my life and future look 180 degrees different from what I knew, valued, and aspired towards.

If I fail to ctb, my only option is to accept this "new" life. Until today, I really wanted to refuse it and not give it a chance, because I am grieving my old self, old life and my old dreams too much. But as I was about to kick the chair with the rope around my neck this morning, I just could not…. do it. I was too weak and not courageous enough.

I realized that actually, I am already death. At least, my old self and life are.

Right now, as I came back to my mom's house in the countryside where I haven't been in years and know absolutely nothing, I can be NEET for a while, perhaps re-invent myself, and learn to accept the shit life throws at you.

I am willing to try to give it a chance. It is not going to be easy. And if it only gets worse, the option to ctb will always be there. I hid my rope in my closet.

You will not see my crisis posts anymore on this forum, but I will stay on here as support for others as I received a lot of love from Sasu members during my dark time.

Maybe I will have a relapse again, but I will try my best to give my new life a chance, even if it does not last long.

During this time, I feel much support from Sasu members. So, Thank you for responding to my posts when I was so lonely and in distress.

I learned a lot while being on this forum. When I was younger, I could not understand suicidal people at all and, just until some couple days ago, I could not understand who suicidal people fail to commit suicide. Now, I am both those people. It is interesting how fast things can change.

I wish everyone a pleasant day, evening or night.

Thank you a lot for reading my post.

 

[bearbrikk]

Je bent ontzettend goed bezig. Ik wens je het aller beste.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Je bent ontzettend goed bezig. Ik wens je het aller beste.

dankje. ik jou ook :)

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I think it takes a lot of strength to shift one's perspective this way; you have my respect. It's difficult to live, and difficult to die, but suicide is a possibility you can keep in your back pocket if you want to give things another honest shot. In the end, life is just another experience, and yes it can be full on misery, but whatever you choose it won't be forever. I personally find some comfort in that, no matter what I decide.

If you want to stick around, I'd recommend the Recovery section, too; the support megathread was quite nice last time I was there, and the resources are growing.
Of course, take what resonates with you and discard what doesn't. Either way, it's clear there's a kind heart in the way you write, and I wish you all the best in your endeavors!

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I think it takes a lot of strength to shift one's perspective this way; you have my respect. It's difficult to live, and difficult to die, but suicide is a possibility you can keep in your back pocket if you want to give things another honest shot. In the end, life is just another experience, and yes it can be full on misery, but whatever you choose it won't be forever. I personally find some comfort in that, no matter what I decide.

If you want to stick around, I'd recommend the Recovery section, too; the support megathread was quite nice last time I was there, and the resources are growing.
Of course, take what resonates with you and discard what doesn't. Either way, it's clear there's a kind heart in the way you write, and I wish you all the best in your endeavors!

thank you so much for your kind words

 

[derpyderpins]

Hi everyone

Perhaps you have seen my posts on the forum in the last couple of weeks.

I have been going through a lot and still am. I fell into existential crisis due to many many issues thanks to my own self-sabotage. My problems are far from solved and my life and future look 180 degrees different from what I knew, valued, and aspired towards.

If I fail to ctb, my only option is to accept this "new" life. Until today, I really wanted to refuse it and not give it a chance, because I am grieving my old self, old life and my old dreams too much. But as I was about to kick the chair with the rope around my neck this morning, I just could not…. do it. I was too weak and not courageous enough.

I realized that actually, I am already death. At least, my old self and life are.

Right now, as I came back to my mom's house in the countryside where I haven't been in years and know absolutely nothing, I can be NEET for a while, perhaps re-invent myself, and learn to accept the shit life throws at you.

I am willing to try to give it a chance. It is not going to be easy. And if it only gets worse, the option to ctb will always be there. I hid my rope in my closet.

You will not see my crisis posts anymore on this forum, but I will stay on here as support for others as I received a lot of love from Sasu members during my dark time.

Maybe I will have a relapse again, but I will try my best to give my new life a chance, even if it does not last long.

During this time, I feel much support from Sasu members. So, Thank you for responding to my posts when I was so lonely and in distress.

I learned a lot while being on this forum. When I was younger, I could not understand suicidal people at all and, just until some couple days ago, I could not understand who suicidal people fail to commit suicide. Now, I am both those people. It is interesting how fast things can change.

I wish everyone a pleasant day, evening or night.

Thank you a lot for reading my post.

This place is better for having you

 

[LaughingGoat]

Never need to apologize for an existential crisis. I'm of the belief that they are guaranteed to occur while living an examined life.

 

[justcallmeJ]

You are going through a rough time, no need to apologize. Its not your time yet.
Ik wens je t beste <3

 

[J&L383]

Peace to you. Thank you for sharing. I feel so disconnected most of the time and it's nice to see someone struggling with similar feelings.