Apologising for past actions

[Forest Fire]

I can't ctb until my parents have passed and despite them being elderly this could still be a few years away. I have decided to give recovery one last try.
Whenever i quit smoking weed i have a constant stream of horrific nightmares or separate distressing dreams about someone i upset many years ago. Even when i'm smoking and not dreaming, this person pops into my head from time to time and it makes me feel like shit. There are many other things that contribute to me being on this site/in this situation, but apologising to them is one of the few things i can actually affect.
I have not had contact with this person for over a decade and the only way i can contact them is privately on social media, where they still have me as a friend. Would this be a weird thing to do. Would you appreciate someone messaging you to apologise for something they had done to cause you to be upset.
Just to be clear, the things i'd be apologising for are not severe/abusive/violent in anyway and they wouldn't be shook up by me contacting them. I just want them to know that i am truly sorry as they are a good person and didn't deserve to have my bullshit affect them

 

[dreamscape1111]

That sounds like a good idea to me, just to get it out of your system. It's always worthwhile to spend time forgiving and expressing what needs to be acknowledged.

I've actually done this and it was quite freeing, after talking to them I realized that we make such a big deal of many things that aren't even that important. Most of us are too busy caring about ourselves anyways to care to remember tiny upsets from years ago, yet we might still carry them around with us deep within, communication will often quickly reveal/heal this.

I also heard that nightmares can be an indicator of suppressed anger. Anger, a 1st-person impulse, gets pushed out of awareness and dissociated from into a 2nd-person "other", and then further projected onto exterior others, a 3rd-person "him," "her," or "them"--in general, a 3rd person "it"). Now it seems like everybody is angry at us which leads to anxiety, and perhaps depression, in response. This fear (projected anger) could also keep showing up as nightmares of a devouring monster, or of others being angry at us.

That 3rd-person element can be "accepted as self", 1st person, through practices like shadow work which leads to more peace and less fighting, fear and struggle in daily life.

May you be successful in recovering.

 

[Forest Fire]

That sounds like a good idea to me, just to get it out of your system. It's always worthwhile to spend time forgiving and expressing what needs to be acknowledged.

I've actually done this and it was quite freeing, after talking to them I realized that we make such a big deal of many things that aren't even that important. Most of us are too busy caring about ourselves anyways to care to remember tiny upsets from years ago, yet we might still carry them around with us deep within, communication will often quickly reveal/heal this.

I also heard that nightmares can be an indicator of suppressed anger. Anger, a 1st-person impulse, gets pushed out of awareness and dissociated from into a 2nd-person "other", and then further projected onto exterior others, a 3rd-person "him," "her," or "them"--in general, a 3rd person "it"). Now it seems like everybody is angry at us which leads to anxiety, and perhaps depression, in response. This fear (projected anger) could also keep showing up as nightmares of a devouring monster, or of others being angry at us.

That 3rd-person element can be "accepted as self", 1st person, through practices like shadow work which leads to more peace and less fighting, fear and struggle in daily life.

May you be successful in recovering.

Thankyou for your reply. The second paragraph is pretty much how i think the person the person would react. I doubt they have thought about me much, if at all in the years that have passed and i doubt the situation bothers them as much as it is still bothering me but i just want them to know i'm sorry. Whether they respond to me or not, i know it will be a weight lifted from me in some way.
I'm going to have to re read the rest of your message a few times to fully understand it haha but i think i get the gist of it.
I'm glad you had a positive result from your apology and thankyou for your kind message at the end.
I hope you are successful as well if that is what you are working towards

 

[flesh object]

I've also hurt someone in the past, and I picked on them quite frequently in the past, however I did come to regret it. I was going through a lot in life, and that person knew, they could see that I was someone hurting.

Eventually after we parted ways, it was the time when I got realty checked. I got extremely mentally inept and one of my needs was to apologize to them for everything I've done. I reached out to them via social media and they understood, they knew I was going through a tough time, and they didn't hold anything against me. They told me that the only way for them to forgive me is if I forgave myself first.

I look up to them honestly, they were really kindhearted and one of the best people I've ever met in the world, and I still regret so much for hurting them.

I believe it's important to apologize as it shows your character, how much you grew and changed. People who apologize, no matter how far into the future has a good heart, because they recognize the damage done and are also affected by it.

Life is full of experiences that changes your character and demeanor, negative or positive, it what makes who we are now, these experiences is also a step to be a better person, not everyone is perfect.

I hurt people in my life, and I made it my life's goal while I am still here to help other individuals and to not be the person I was a few years ago.

I want to prove to myself that I am a good person.

Do what makes you feel at peace.

Your interactions with others show that you are living

 

[Bardo]

When I was about seven or eight I had a friend named Spencer whom I was jealous of because my sisters seemed to like him better. I was such a total dick. I apologized over the phone to him when I was in my late thirties. I'd like to do the same to a couple more friends I had around that time. I was just a bullied little shit who was in turn a bully and had no father setting any sort of example.

It feels good to make amends. If person isn't available, try Sanskrit mantras to burn up past karma and make way for the new.
Try: Om Shreem Kleem Namah SHivaya 108 times per day for 40 days.

To remove bad karma, here's another:
Shivaya (pronounced like the word "she") Namaha ("A" is like in "VietNAM") Maakaral.

Best of luck to you

 

[dreamscape1111]

I'm going to have to re read the rest of your message a few times

It's ok, lol. I often like to include things I recently learned about in replies while sharing useful advice in order to clarify it for myself.
Nightmares are just something interesting to me and been thinking about them ever since a friend of mine continually had severe ones.

 

[Forest Fire]

Thankyou all of you for your responses, i am glad i asked the question on here as it has reinforced that this is a good thing for me to do.
I'm going to write out my apology over the next few days and i'll send it too them once it's done. I'm still really nervous about doing this.
Once i've done that i will look up shadow work and shivaya as recommended.
Thankyou all again for sharing your experiences and the advice you have given me, i really appreciate it