Discussion Apathy hindering plans to CTB?

[MindFrog]

I've always been described as lazy. When i was younger, I had problems with physical hygiene and reaching deadlines because i just dont want to wake up or do anything at all.

Its kinda funny that even in suicide i still find myself procrastinating. Well until it happens too often and it just hurts.
I would make a plan and a date (to practice). I'll get obsessed on it then I'll suddenly feel a wave of apathy. I keep pushing the date further and further until i'll just give up on it. Then i'll feel like garbage. The cycle repeat.

There are times when i doubt myself, that maybe i'm just faking it. Until i get a painful reminder why i'm in this position in the first place.

I just wish i can wake myself up and finally ctb. This kind of living is just suffering to this point.

 

[StateOfMind]

Got a solid plan and everything but yeah, I get waves of ctb apathy especially after having a pizza.
I have a fixed time of every evening of the week based on my method but sometimes I just cant be arsed and wont even make it out of the house.
This seems to be getting worse as the cold weather approaches.

A few people have mentioned sitting in silence to clear thoughts and fully understand why you want to die.

Looks like we are just gonna have to power soldier through SI..

 

[Meditation guide]

I have learned how to force/push myself to do things. I don't always succeed but I make myself do things I have no desire to do just because I must. I like doing them more than I like the mental horror and despair of not doing them.

 

[MindFrog]

Looks like we are just gonna have to power soldier through SI..

Do you think the apathy we feel is a part of SI too? or maybe its just coincidence?

 

[Meditation guide]

Do you think the apathy we feel is a part of SI too? or maybe its just coincidence?

It is part of depression tbh. We want to ctb and aren't happy with our lives in general and apathy goes with that whole thing.

 

[StateOfMind]

Do you think the apathy we feel is a part of SI too? or maybe its just coincidence?

I don't think its a part of it so much.
More like the pre stage.
Sometimes I need to force myself to go to my ctb location which is only 5 mins from home but then SI would kick in.