Venting Anyone with degenerative physical conditions/and PTSD?

[inconsequential]

I feel lost a lot of the time. I don't feel like myself. My mind has always been hell; a former partner told me jokingly, "It must be hell inside of your head". Yeah, the PTSD makes it pretty fucking loud in here.

But. But.

My body was fine, until it wasn't. I was riding on my body being okay. For the last several years, I've had to watch (well, feel, mostly) my connective tissue slowly degrade, as well as the discs in my back. I can feel my spine through my chest, so a lot of the time I think I'm dying from some heart issue. My intestinal motility is slowing as well, and my lungs aren't doing so hot anymore. Of course, my heart is fine. Of course.

Most of my issues are congenital, but not the connective tissue (well, half of it is congenital) or the back.

I live my life at a 6/10, and never ask for any drugs. I don't take opiates. I don't take benzodiazepines to handle the anxiety. I smoke weed & read this forum & cry a lot.

Good days are good, but in lesser supply than usual. Mornings are hell, and the evenings get me thinking about the mornings... the negative feedback loop from hell.

I just wanted to know if anyone else deals with physical pain that's constantly increasing in both duration and pain level. Someone who deals with physical pain AND severe PTSD would be great to hear from. I feel alone.

 

[Seekingpeacenow]

Without getting into detail. Too much energy. Yes. PTSD since a child. Degenerative illness since 19. Now 40s

 

[Thorn]

More than 29 years of pain (headaches) four days a week. There is nothing that would take it away completely. Since 2016 I'm taking what the good doctor gave me, a variation of mild medications, but it is what it is. A little bit easier, however , now I am a zombie. I was a freelance artist, worked with mechanics and electronics, was reading a book a day, among other things. Now if I dare to stand up from my chair, I need to be ready to face the pain. Not to mention that I constantly think of death. Of those who have already passed, and of my own. My life and my reality is just a surreal nightmare. And I can't sleep without being heavily sedated for more than 4 hours. And the nightmares in that brief sleep would scare the shit out of a granite block in my back yard.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

Yes, both. And every day is a fresh new hell. But what keeps me alive is the fear of failure at exiting and ending up in the loony bin. That would be a fate far worse than death or life as I know it.