You think and or know if some of us would be better off dead whatever the unbeknownst reason for me not CTB or killing myself am I just too much of a coward to do it I only did 32 Benadryls which now I know isn't really enough to die and of course once the panic sets in then the regret sets in and once that happens the survival instincts kick in and now I don't know how I shall play this out live or die painlessly and or peacefully. Loneliness doesn't really bother me but I know emptiness does it creates that hallow feeling of nothingness.
I do have a partner maybe I should just email him and let him know I should just get on with it a shotgun to the back of a skull is one hell of a way to go but of course I never done such a thing I am still living for reasons known such as family and friends and maybe in hopes of having a girlfriend and a family of my own but I know that if this goes wrong back to a psych ward aka looney bin for maybe even longer than before but how shall I proceed I am probably looking for approval.
Maybe I should discuss this with my partner on the email but I am still not certain about this if anything goes wrong which is what I am afraid about I'll email him now.
I live in Scotland UK so getting a shotgun isn't a viable possibility for me, but if it was me to overcome si id turn it into a "game" psychologicaly play some music rock sing a long dancing a little and with the gun not loaded include putting it to your head and pulling the trigger after a couple times or so do it with the gun loaded and it will be lights out.
