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Tiredofthislife

New Member
Dec 5, 2020
4
Hello is there anyone I can talk to please. I don't know if that is allowed to ask this but I've had a really awful night and would appreciate it very much. Am feeling extremely suicidal I need help, the person I counted on the most just really hurt me and left and I feel really like hurting myself because I just tried so hard to get better. I feel so lonely and have no one to talk to if anyone could be kind enough to help it would mean a lot am just feeling very scared and alone
 
x~Sophia~x

x~Sophia~x

Always give 100% - unless you’re donating blood.
Sep 10, 2020
1,361
Hello is there anyone I can talk to please. I don't know if that is allowed to ask this but I've had a really awful night and would appreciate it very much. Am feeling extremely suicidal I need help, the person I counted on the most just really hurt me and left and I feel really like hurting myself because I just tried so hard to get better. I feel so lonely and have no one to talk to if anyone could be kind enough to help it would mean a lot am just feeling very scared and alone
Aww... RoseyBird is an angel :)
 
B

Brain Dead Athiest99

New Member
Dec 7, 2020
2
Hello is there anyone I can talk to please. I don't know if that is allowed to ask this but I've had a really awful night and would appreciate it very much. Am feeling extremely suicidal I need help, the person I counted on the most just really hurt me and left and I feel really like hurting myself because I just tried so hard to get better. I feel so lonely and have no one to talk to if anyone could be kind enough to help it would mean a lot am just feeling very scared and alone
I'm in the same boat, I need someone to talk to as well.

First of all, I will say what everyone who has read this is thinking: Fuck life and fuck your rude friend.
Don't feel bad for not getting better, it's not really your fault, you did what you could and it doesn't sound like anyone really helped you. People outside of this website are selfish, spoiled, privileged, judgmental, rude and naïve; don't depend on them, they don't want "bipolar" "depressed" or "suicidal" people like us ruining their untainted, sheltered little life. If you open up to anyone besides a therapist, they will either act like your so called "friend" or lock you up in a place where you have no freedom. Intelligent privileged people just don't get us and they don't always want to. Even the well meaning ones are idiots. Do anything for yourself at this point. If staying up 24 hours in a row makes you feel good, do it! If you want to buy $50 worth of candy, hey YOLS (Your only life sucks) so do whatever you want to do. Go out on a whim, lose your filter, go nuts! It's not stupid or selfish. So ignore the people who say it is. I can't tell you that you are loved, beautiful or perfect, or anything superficial, because first of all, I don't actually know you or your circumstances and second of all, that doesn't really help people.

I can say that you are not selfish, for wanting to die or a bad person for being mentally ill(if that is the case). None of this is your fault and you do have options.

What happened to you has happened to most suicidal people at one point or another. When I was a high school freshman, I was suicidal too(this is not the first time and won't be the last).

Let me just start by saying my circumstances are different than most people on this site. I am retarded(you wouldn't be able to tell, because it doesn't affect my communication, voice or vocabulary) anyways, I have hated my life since pretty much day one. I had plenty of reason to be suicidal, throughout middle school, but never was until high school. I encounter weight problems, mental health and bullies. In 6th grade I was still at catholic school and the principal and nun were total bitches. I was screamed at by both in front of people and the principal even banned me from a school field trip. I had to constantly defend my reputation to the judgmental perfect students, family and community, just to have these horrible administrators destroy it again and again by antagonizing me in front of people until I inevitably snapped. I left that school to join an even worse one for delinquents. I had no friends and got harrassed everyday. I should have been suicidal, but I was thinking of revenge at the time and my false believe that dreams come true and I would start my own clothing line or something artsy and beat all of this one day. As you can see I found reality instead of fantasy. Dreams are for the intelligent and mentally stable.

I had one retarded friend outside of school, by 8th grade. She had a different set of issues than I did. She was about 10-20% slower at processing information than I was and asked me to interpret social conversations or help her solve everyday problems. Something I can barely do. She was more mature and responsible, that part of her was normal, but I just couldn't have meaningful conversation with her. She didn't understand anything I said and I had to explain everything three different ways. Not just like the lower end average, "is this what you're saying: summery of what the person means." No. If this is you, don't worry, it took 2 minutes to explain even simple things at times. I understood, and was empathetic, patient and gave her a chance.
As you can see, I judged but kept it to myself. Her intelligence was closet to mine of anyone I'd ever met, but still barely a meaningful social interaction. It wasn't meaningful unless we were just going ding-dong ditching or something else retarded teenagers do. Eventually she grew out of it and of course I have the bi-polar crazy and the retarded immature, so I didn't. I would still consider it today, if I saw a point(it's no fun going alone) The friendship was doomed from the very start and ended because she turned on me in 2019 for being suicidal and "negative" This isn't the first time this has happened to me.

My freshman year of high school, I had another close friend. She was my two blocks away neighbor. I only talked to at lunch (she was in all gifted classes and had homework to her neck) At the time I was stressed because my family moved parishes(I'm an athiest now, but they were all I knew for 15 years I had lived), and I was in public school full time for the first time ever, and of course everyone judged me because I am retarded. I felt so alone, (despite being in a retarded persons classroom, which was embarrassing)

My parents and school therapist just wanted to lock me up or shove a new pill down my throat when I spoke of suicide. So I did the only thing I could think of, I told my only friend, I knew it would be hard to hear, but I thought she would understand. I was dead wrong, she just cried and couldn't handle any of it. so she went and told a teacher and then her parents. It turns out her parents are assholes, because they said that I was a bad influence for being suicidal, using curse words and having anger issues. I never had anger issues around this girl, so this was probably information they picked up from my brother (friends with her brother) or elsewhere. They also told her that they didn't want me to hangout with her anymore. Like EVER.
See?! Selfish, rude and naïve. BOTH ACCOUNTS.
Lesson learned TWICE, (It took THAT MUCH I'm a bit slow did I mention?!)This and mental facilities are why I refuse help and come on here to vent like you and everyone else.
Not everyone will leave you to fend for yourself, but you won't find anyone genuine either. Well meaning people are out there, but they like to throw crap at you like; "find something to live for, I'm sure there is something," "Jesus loves you/god has a plan for you," "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" Well, tell that to someone who has no friends, or a person that is homeless, abused without hope of rescue, in the closet gay/lgbtq with religious parents, or someone who is retarded like me. Which, oh by the way, is VERY PERMANET with NO SOLUTION. Also, not everyone believes in god, I sure don't! Idk about you, but when someone mentions god, I automatically stop listening or lose my temper.

Before I say this, I just want to stress that it is your life your choice and I support you either way.

I haven't killed myself, because I know it's just a black and even if I did, people would stop me. Was my descension NOT to kill myself worth it?! NO, NO AND NO! ABSOUTLY NOT! I REGRET EVERYDAY I LIVE! I'm here to find the best method that works for me and do it when I have the guts.
My life as a hopeless 21 year old failure: My parents force me to get a job and threaten to kick me out if I don't. I can't do any job and fail miserably at the simplest tasks. I literally clean carts for a living. Why would anyone want to do that?! It's hell.
My parents are idiots who refuse to believe that I am retarded and say that I "am too hard on myself" "give up too easily" and "sell myself short" I am NOT the one with the problem. I quit my last job because people wanted to scream at me in front of costumers for making mistakes or not being fast enough. I was scolded, bullied, yelled at and lectured on the daily basis for doing my best and when I was asked why I couldn't do my job, I answered, by explaining the situation and maybe threw in a how my learning issues may have affected things. But THEY misinterpreted that every single time no matter how I explained it. I was told not to make excuses, or give them a hard time. I was told that I had "no problem solving skills" and "I bring the whole team down" and similar insults. I put up with THAT for 4 months, most people would have just quit. So yes, I DO give up too easily if that means not taking crap from people. At my new job, I worked in fulfilment, and was told after a month that I marked too many items unfound and wasn't fast enough. so they moved me to cleaning carts. I know what I am capable of, and that comes to nothing. I have zero potential and an equal amount of reason to live. I don't sell myself short. Other people just don't set realistic standards, at least not for the braindead.

Are you interested in forming an advocacy? Here is my email if you are; [email protected]
 
Last edited:
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Reactions: x~Sophia~x
x~Sophia~x

x~Sophia~x

Always give 100% - unless you’re donating blood.
Sep 10, 2020
1,361
I'm in the same boat, I need someone to talk to as well.

First of all, I will say what everyone who has read this is thinking: Fuck life and fuck your rude friend.
Don't feel bad for not getting better, it's not really your fault, you did what you could and it doesn't sound like anyone really helped you. People outside of this website are selfish, spoiled, privileged, judgmental, rude and naïve; don't depend on them, they don't want "bipolar" "depressed" or "suicidal" people like us ruining their untainted, sheltered little life. If you open up to anyone besides a therapist, they will either act like your so called "friend" or lock you up in a place where you have no freedom. Intelligent privileged people just don't get us and they don't always want to. Even the well meaning ones are idiots. Do anything for yourself at this point. If staying up 24 hours in a row makes you feel good, do it! If you want to buy $50 worth of candy, hey YOLS (Your only life sucks) so do whatever you want to do. Go out on a whim, lose your filter, go nuts! It's not stupid or selfish. So ignore the people who say it is. I can't tell you that you are loved, beautiful or perfect, or anything superficial, because first of all, I don't actually know you or your circumstances and second of all, that doesn't really help people.

I can say that you are not selfish, for wanting to die or a bad person for being mentally ill(if that is the case). None of this is your fault and you do have options.

What happened to you has happened to most suicidal people at one point or another. When I was a high school freshman, I was suicidal too(this is not the first time and won't be the last).

Let me just start by saying my circumstances are different than most people on this site. I am retarded(you wouldn't be able to tell, because it doesn't affect my communication, voice or vocabulary) anyways, I have hated my life since pretty much day one. I had plenty of reason to be suicidal, throughout middle school, but never was until high school. I encounter weight problems, mental health and bullies. In 6th grade I was still at catholic school and the principal and nun were total bitches. I was screamed at by both in front of people and the principal even banned me from a school field trip. I had to constantly defend my reputation to the judgmental perfect people who, I didn't even like just to have them destroy it again and again by antagonizing me in front of them until I inevitably snapped. I left that school to join an even worse one for delinquents. I had no friends and got harrassed everyday. I should have been suicidal, but I was thinking of revenge at the time and my false believe that dreams come true and I would start my own clothing line or something artsy and beat all of this one day.

I got transferred to public high school (regular) and at this point, I had one retarded friend outside of school, talking to her was like talking to a an eight year old. She didn't understand anything I said and I had to explain everything three different ways. She also loved to tattle. So she was funny, and great to get a soda with, but no one I could really talk to. I really tried not to judge, and it worked until she turned on me in 2019 for being suicidal and "negative" This isn't the first time this has happened to me.

My freshman year of high school, I had another close friend. She was my two blocks away neighbor. I only talked to at lunch (she was in all gifted classes and had homework to her neck) At the time I was stressed because my family moved parishes(I'm an athiest now, but they were all I knew for 15 years I had lived), and I was in public school full time for the first time ever, and of course everyone judged me because I am retarded. I felt so alone, (despite being in a retarded persons classroom, which was embarrassing)

My parents and school therapist just wanted to lock me up or shove a new pill down my throat when I spoke of suicide. So I did the only thing I could think of, I told my only friend, I knew it would be hard to hear, but I thought she would understand. I was dead wrong, she just cried and couldn't handle any of it. so she went and told a teacher and then her parents. It turns out her parents are assholes, because they said that I was a bad influence for being suicidal, using curse words and having anger issues. I never had anger issues around this girl, so this was probably information they picked up from my brother (friends with her brother) or elsewhere. They also told her that they didn't want me to hangout with her anymore. Like EVER.
See?! Selfish, rude and naïve.
Lesson learned TWICE, (I'm a bit slow did I mention?!) I refuse help and come on here to went like you and everyone else.
Not everyone will leave you to fend for yourself, but you won't find anyone genuine either. Well meaning people are out there, but they like to throw crap at you like; "find something to live for, I'm sure there is something," "Jesus loves you/god has a plan for you," "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" Well, tell that to someone who has no friends, or a person that is homeless, abused without hope of rescue, or someone who is retarded like me. Which, oh by the way, is VERY PERMANET with NO SOLUTION. Also, not everyone believes in god, I sure don't! Idk about you, but when someone mentions god, I automatically stop listening or lose my temper.

Before I say this, I just want to stress that it is your life you choice and I support you either way.

Was my descension NOT to kill myself worth it?! NO, NO AND NO! ABSOUTLY NOT! I REGRET EVERYDAY I LIVE! My parents force me to get a job and threaten to kick me out if I don't. I can't do any job and fail miserably at the simplest tasks. I literally clean carts for a living. Why would anyone want to do that?! It's hell.
My parents are idiots who refuse to believe that I am retarded and say that I "am too hard on myself" "give up too easily" and "sell myself short" I am NOT the one with the problem. I quit my last job because people wanted to scream at me in front of costumers for making mistakes or not being fast enough. I was scolded, bullied, yelled at and lectured on the daily basis for doing my best and when I was asked why I couldn't do my job, I answered, by explaining the situation and maybe threw in a how my learning issues may have affected things. But THEY misinterpreted that every single time no matter how I explained it. I was told not to make excuses, or give them a hard time. I was told that I had "no problem solving skills" and "I bring the whole team down" and similar insults. I put up with THAT for 4 months, most people would have just quit. So yes, I DO give up too easily if that means not taking crap from people. At my new job, I worked in fulfilment, and was told after a month that I marked too many items unfound and wasn't fast enough. so they moved me to cleaning carts. I know what I am capable of, and that comes to nothing. I have zero potential and an equal amount of reason to live. I don't sell myself short. Other people just don't set realistic standards, at least not for the braindead.

Are you interested in forming an advocacy? Here is my email if you are; [email protected]
Crikey, wouldn't it be better to post your own thread to tell your story?
 
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