That's it. We went round in circles year in year out. I was only doing it for other people. I thought maybe they'd do what I wanted in return but they didn't. I wasn't taken seriously and I didn't give them reason to. I needed to man up, do it myself and prove them wrong but I didn't until it was too late. I lost track of time and came out with more problems than I went in with. I couldn't allow to happen what I'd just allowed to happen. There's no way to describe it other than something switched in my brain and it was actually given significance. Not by them though. You'd think maybe they would have put it in some terms that panicked me. That is if they knew what they were doing. I really feel I was just pissing around and someone needed to bring me back to reality before it was going to be too painful to deal with. They all could have helped quite easily if they'd really cared but it wouldn't have been considered professional. Well screw that. Having been through it I think their arrogance gets the better off them. I think however crazy someone may appear they should listen to what they're saying and not think they know best. They might just need a hug for example. I dismissed myself from all of it but of course who do I talk to about it now? I've done everything ass backwards
My advice is to try it, if that's what you want and you're willing to put the will to it so that it's not traumatic maybe. There are very different professionals among them, it is difficult sometimes to find who you feel comfortable with but if you feel you need it do not hesitate to seek help.
I hope you have a lot of luck and what you were saying makes you feel better
