chrisbate7
Student
- Sep 30, 2020
- 191
My biggest hesitation is leaving my 9 and 11 year old kids alone with their mother. And leaving them with the mental turmoil that will ensue if/when I CTB
Mm80
Enlightened
- May 15, 2019
- 1,604
Its a massively emotional subject tbh.
Id certainly say having kids should make the decision a lot lot more difficult. I'm sorry your on such an awful position.
I think it's terrible for kids to be left alone but I've seen lots of cases and even videos of parents CTB in front of their children. (on bestgore website)
It's terrible but, isn't it worse to keep living a life you don't like and making them go through an unhappy life anyway because of you not feeling "satisfied" with living?
It's a really personal matter in the end.
It's terrible but, isn't it worse to keep living a life you don't like and making them go through an unhappy life anyway because of you not feeling "satisfied" with living?
It's a really personal matter in the end.
Hi friend. My little ones are 2, 6, and 8, so I very much understand the internal conflict. For me I can't leave them, and certainly don't want to leave them with only their dad and his family. I'm in it till they are adults since I can't do that to them... if their dad takes them from me all bets are off. Only you can know if you can go or need to stay. If you ever want another parent to talk to im here.
I want to be clear that first and foremost, I hear you and understand you are in a lot of pain. I don't want to seem judgmental because it's not my place to judge. We are all human and will make our own decisions, good or bad. Clearly a lot of turmoil and trauma brought you here and I am not walking in your shoes, so mostly I want you to know I'm sorry you are in pain but glad you found a place to talk about it. That being said, you did ask what people think. This is my opinion: when you bring a child into the world you are responsible for them until they are functioning adults. It is not ok to leave them in a permanent way like that, a trauma like that is something they may never recover from. My stance is you need to do whatever is necessary to get healthy so you can take on this role in way you are proud of. A lot of people struggle when their parents die young of natural causes/accidents, the additional layer of knowing their father abandoned them, that it was his decision, is not something a elementary school age child should bare. I am so sorry you are in so much pain, but I don't think its ok to inflict similar pyschological pain on someone so young and vulnerable.
chrisbate7
Student
- Sep 30, 2020
- 191
Yes, it is truly hell
You're so kind. This whole thing just makes me so sad. I want to be here to watch them grow up but I'm also in agony most of the time due to OCD, depression and panic/anxiety
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Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Disgusting but that gets us onto a whole other subject. The world they're growing up in. Does that give op more reasons to or less? It certainly gives weight to why people say they shouldn't have them but 1. It's too late for that and 2. That's probably coming from people that are disgusting themselves
LonelyNick
They/Them, He/Him
- Jul 15, 2020
- 262
My aunt and uncle found their mother hung when they came back from school. It fucked them up real good. My advice would be; make sure they don't find/see you
I know this feeling. It hurts to stay and it hurts to go. Hopefully spending time with us will help you make your choice, whichever way you go. Regardless of what you do you're not a bad person. We are human too even though we are parents.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
This person. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/should-i-buy-sn.50588/#post-923658 I was scrolling back looking for it and the more questions I saw the more I realised the answers don't matter anyway. Why do I bother? Forgive my frustration but it's all pointless and I need to die. I'm glad I don't have kids stopping me just a girlfriend that wants them
chrisbate7
Student
- Sep 30, 2020
- 191
Oh no doubt. I would never subject family or friends to find me. In fact, the only people I want to find me is law enforcement or EMS personnel. At least they have seen and expect to see dead bodies
LonelyNick
They/Them, He/Him
- Jul 15, 2020
- 262
I hope you find peace, children or not your own life is in your hands not anyone else.
I'm the one who started that thread with a similar topic.
This is a far more complex question from my point of view because on one hand those do have a point who are saying that parents with kids should not CTB because they are responsible for their children.
However, it is also not normal if your child grows up with a depressed or fucked up dad because that will definitely have a strongly negative effect on the child later.
dontwantocareanymore
“Doeseverybodyhavetobethegreateststoryevertold?”
- Oct 9, 2020
- 38
I really feel for you, man. I am really fortunate that my ex-husband is a mentally & financially stable person or I wouldn't be able to go (my child is 9.) I really hope things resolve for you, whatever the outcome is. It's likely the loneliest, saddest boat that we're on, but we're on it together for whatever it's worth. Hugs.
chrisbate7
Student
- Sep 30, 2020
- 191
How and when are you CTB? I'm probably using SN. Just still uncertain if suicide is the only path forward. I so badly want to stay, just not in this agony
dontwantocareanymore
“Doeseverybodyhavetobethegreateststoryevertold?”
- Oct 9, 2020
- 38
Honestly, if I could afford experimental treatments for my chronic fatigue & mental health, I would stay (at least to try). I've tried everything that anyone could possibly imagine that are the "go to" things... diet, therapy, exercise, pills, vitamins, etc. Glad to hear you are going to make sure that CTB is for you, especially with children. Such a heavy decision.
As to not inflict further trauma upon my child, I am going to CTB this weekend (probably Friday night) while they are away with family in a staged accident. I am going out with CO2 (dry ice in hot water) while either heavily under the influence of alcohol or sedatives as to counteract survival instinct. I am going to pass out in the bathroom & not wake up. Edit: & Shallow Water Blackout if SI is too strong.
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chrisbate7
Student
- Sep 30, 2020
- 191
Godspeed. I hope you find the peace and comfort you're looking for.Honestly, if I could afford experimental treatments for my chronic fatigue & mental health, I would stay (at least to try). I've tried everything that anyone could possibly imagine that are the "go to" things... diet, therapy, exercise, pills, vitamins, etc. Glad to hear you are going to make sure that CTB is for you, especially with children. Such a heavy decision.
As to not inflict further trauma upon my child, I am going to CTB this weekend (probably Friday night) while they are away with family in a staged accident. I am going out with CO2 (dry ice in hot water) while either heavily under the influence of alcohol or sedatives as to counteract survival instinct. I am going to pass out in the bathroom & not wake up. Edit: & Shallow Water Blackout if SI is too strong.
TastySorrow
Member
- May 18, 2020
- 24
Me, 2 kids, I feel like that depending on how I see things. When I remember that the sole act of having brought them to this world is an act of cruelty itself to begin with, I realize I just can't do them more harm by leaving them deal with it on their own.
Same here
I'm struggling with same literally counting the years until there both 18. 12 more years left to suffer abuse from there mom and live with ptsd at same time. I'm such a coward for not fighting to remove her from there life but feel so ashamed anyways
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I have a 12 year old boy and I would love to see him grow up to be successful and happy, but I just don't see that happening either way. I'm sure it would upset him if I was gone and obviously that isn't my intention at all, but I feel as though he has plenty of family who would love and support him. I don't really want to die and I don't want other people to suffer as a result, but at the same time I don't want to be miserable, empty and lonely for god knows how many years... I'm holding out for now, but I'm not sure how much longer I can and have already purchased SN. I'd make sure to tell him that none of this was his fault, that I'm deeply sorry and that I'm proud of him which might make things a bit easier for him.
logan
Warlock
- May 20, 2021
- 705
I have 2 children and confronting them with this situation is probably the worst thing and I also think it's important that they don't think they've done anything wrong.
