Discussion Anyone that was a happy normal person before with a great life and never thought of suicide once? What went wrong?

[(in)sane]

The final push came from my brother.

That is so incredibly sad. My brothers have always been my reason to keep going. In my mind, siblings are best friends you're born with. I can't imagine what you must be going through, I'm so sorry. Whether it's in life or death, I hope you find peace.

 

[Ligottian]

Just for one moment, I thought I'd found my way/Destiny unfolded/I watched it slip away!

- Joy Division, "Twenty-Four Hours"

 

[jay_y]

Psych medicines can give people permanent brain damage? What are you suffering from does it have a name?

Tardive Dyskinesia and Dystonia. All over the body. Search up Joey Marino, ER actor, if curious what psychiatrists can do to people. We were not warned and our lives stolen and destroyed. We are forced to end our lives that we loved while they are happy living with the money from the drugs. I can't understand how this is allowed to exist. Souls are sold for money. And my fate will be unknown to the world. I barely found people bad like me, probably because they are not surviving to spread the word. We are too miserable to spread the word and Big pharma will bury our story anyway. Who cares if there's only a few of us? Our fate has no value? Is my soul worth nothing? Why do I have to bear all of this and on top of it end my life with my own hands? I am barely an adult and I have to be forced to do this. How is this allowed.

 

[wonderfulheaven]

i think a particular childhood trauma or maybe multiple may have broke me, my first public outburst was at school after such an event when i was 8 and i screamed about how much i wanted to die and didnt deserve to live which only really pissed my parents off because of the trouble they could get into
i really tried to be normal and fix my image after that but i was too weird and bullied which pushed me into a corner of self isolation and apathy and people still hate the way that i am now
i can't seem to act in a way that will appease everyone so i dont see why they try to keep me living if theyre so unhappy with me

 

[hereornot]

That is so incredibly sad. My brothers have always been my reason to keep going. In my mind, siblings are best friends you're born with. I can't imagine what you must be going through, I'm so sorry. Whether it's in life or death, I hope you find peace.

It's really sad. I never made enemies, I never did anything to cultivate enmity, but the danger was inside the house.

My own brother, with all the signs of sociopathy, but he doesn't go to the doctor, he doesn't have a diagnosis, and his mission is to make people's lives miserable.

I want distance, even if I have to leave this world.

 

[happysunnydayy]

Tardive Dyskinesia and Dystonia. All over the body. Search up Joey Marino, ER actor, if curious what psychiatrists can do to people. We were not warned and our lives stolen and destroyed. We are forced to end our lives that we loved while they are happy living with the money from the drugs. I can't understand how this is allowed to exist. Souls are sold for money. And my fate will be unknown to the world. I barely found people bad like me, probably because they are not surviving to spread the word. We are too miserable to spread the word and Big pharma will bury our story anyway. Who cares if there's only a few of us? Our fate has no value? Is my soul worth nothing? Why do I have to bear all of this and on top of it end my life with my own hands? I am barely an adult and I have to be forced to do this. How is this allowed.

I've heard about this disease. The painful spasms because of antidepressants and such meds. I can't believe these doctors ruin peoples lives permanently while they go on to live their lives to the fullest. It's like you're forced to die now because of those monsters who give 0 shit about their patients. Heart breaking. You should've been living a great life instead :(

 

[Lapdog6795]

I was a happy person and I still am. It's just that I suffer from a chronic pain and about 2 years ago, I came to know that I'm autistic.

Now I just feel lazy and see no point in continuing the existence. Life feels like a hotel where you keep extending the stay by paying with distractions until either you check-out (ctb) or the hotel kicks you out (natural death).

In my case, I lived well until 12 years Ago, when I was 30. Until my BPD mother fell into my life, sick, and my brother jumped ship from his responsibility as a son.

I went bankrupt keeping my mother alive, who also ruined my mental health.

I lost my father years later and today I am reaching the end to put an end to the torment that my brother causes in my life.

There were other situations and people that contributed, that made me lose hope or the will to continue in this world.

The final push came from my brother.

The truth, my friend, is that existence of one's life in this world demands the suffering of other lives.

 

[oro]

Covid vaccine

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Covid vaccine

I would like to hear your story. I have someone close to me that got absolutely wrecked by it. We have very few people to talk to because the majority of people are science worshipers and will immediately gaslight and say 'safe and effective'. Feel free to PM me.

 

[LostHighway]

I was occasionally suicidal in the past but most my life I was absolutely not suicidal. I loved life. Now, I am planning to end my life because of severe insomnia that leaves me bed-bound and in misery 5 days a week. The cruel joke is on the two days I've slept I want to live. On those days and when I'm feeling okay, I want to dance, be with friends, listen to good music, explore, etc etc. I am not depressed or anxious except as a bi-product of sleeplessness and Long Covid.

 

[HD72]

I have the same thing I just posted one of his videos in chat. I can't even go to the bathroom or eat. I want to VSED but I have to take my meds or I'll have a reaction and go to the ER. I don't know what to do. My shit of a family caused this and she's sleeping peacefully. Will get up and have her breakfast. Yell at me and tell me she doesn't know why I'm like this no matter how much info I give her. She's a nut. A self nut. And get the pleasure of living with her. She got the life I wanted and then ruined mine. I never had a great life. Just pills and verbal abuse and neglect. But she says it should have been a wonderful life because I was alllowed to talk to her.

I was occasionally suicidal in the past but most my life I was absolutely not suicidal. I loved life. Now, I am planning to end my life because of severe insomnia that leaves me bed-bound and in misery 5 days a week. The cruel joke is on the two days I've slept I want to live. On those days and when I'm feeling okay, I want to dance, be with friends, listen to good music, explore, etc etc. I am not depressed or anxious except as a bi-product of sleeplessness and Long Covid.

I believe ALL people should have the option of ending THEIR lives if they so choose. Especially those in pain. In the U.S. u have to wait til ur gonna die in 6months to get help or pain control or hospice. The rest of us can just suffer and line the pockets of the doctors as we look for help.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

For most of my life, I wasn't suicidal at all - I never thought of suicide (However, it was an option in the case of severe health issues, failure, declining life quality and so on).

My life was good, I was happy and could do the things I wanted most of the time but a few years ago I failed big in life and I became suicidal and now I rot at home.

 

[CatLvr]

1. My narcissistic husband had been working on systematically breaking me down. I did not realize what was going on at the time, and had reached my breaking point. He had convinced me that I had absolutely no value as a human being at all.

2. My mother (who was EXACTLY like my husband -- we can break down MY role in the mess that was my love life another time because I CHOSE the same type of man every single time. Even when I consciously chose a man who was the exact opposite of everything I had ever been attracted to and oh look!! EXACT SAME FELLA I had always wound up with -- just had on different clothes) had told me she would take my children away from me if it was the last thing she did. When my children all became teenagers she convinced them all that the boundaries I had set to keep them safe were unreasonable. And they all, one by one, wound up moving in with her. I had effectively lost the only reason I had for fighting this world as hard as I did. I loved those kids more than life itself -- and I thought they were all happier without me so I believed my "work" here was done.

3. Therapy -- Psychiatrist prescribed a half dozen medications to treat "some" of my problems. The rest of the time he spend with me was to convince me I was a poor sick person who "needed" him to get better. I was "medication naive" and spend months of my life in a medication-induced haze.

About a year or so of all this working out broke me. I was so done and tried to end it a couple of times. I have no doubt I would have eventually managed to do it right, because I have several handguns and know how to use them. I just hadn't decided a gun was the way I wanted to go -- YET. What happened that saved me?

My husband decided to up the ante and include physical abuse along with the psychological/emotional abuse. Yeah, about that. Physical abuse is a HUGE trigger for me. I guess he didn't anticipate the ... Ahem ... "Fervor" with which a gal with a ton of pent up emotion can fight. He hasn't laid a hand on my since. And I am still here. It's funny -- before that period of time in my life I had never once considered suicide as a viable option. Since then, I have considered it in one way or another, every day since the initial thought came to me. Interesting how the mind works.

 

[HD72]

For most of my life, I wasn't suicidal at all - I never thought of suicide (However, it was an option in the case of severe health issues, failure, declining life quality and so on).

My life was good, I was happy and could do the things I wanted most of the time but a few years ago I failed big in life and I became suicidal and now I rot at home.

this isnt me but this is what my life is like every day thanks to my mom. She's sleeping comfortably while I scream and thrash on the sofa. But she always somehow makes it about her.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

this isnt me but this is what my life is like every day thanks to my mom. She's sleeping comfortably while I scream and thrash on the sofa. But she always somehow makes it about her.

It sucks what she does and how she treats you. This is so inhumane.

 

[CatLvr]

this isnt me but this is what my life is like every day thanks to my mom. She's sleeping comfortably while I scream and thrash on the sofa. But she always somehow makes it about her.

Yep. My mother also. I swear something could happen half a world away and somehow it would be "traumatic" for her and we would ALL have to cut off our left pinkie finger to make it all better. Just for her.

 

[HD72]

It sucks what she does and how she treats you. This is so inhumane.

i had to go to all these doctors for the depression and anxiety and now I'm like this. I have to leave. There is no treatment or cure. They now want to put me
On more meds which cause this and say it's mental illness. It's brain damage from meds. Mom never speaks up or helps me. She just sits with me and says if she hugs me it'll be all better. She's a fu&king nut. Won't admit her part I. It. She wouldn't take me to the hospital when I was little and sick. She's self medicate me with Benadryl cough syrup and her Ativan. It began this. She has no guilt. I've begged her to help me die. She promised she would then took it back. I don't give a crap if she gets charged. She was a teacher and abusive to her students too. She can eat sleep sit still go out and here I am ruined.

 

[meowmentous]

I was born messed up but I was wondering if normal people can also be suicidal who look so happy and positive all the time and don't understand why people ctb

I had a lot of stuff going on as a kid, but I didn't understand it. I myself had problems and my family did too, but it was all just blurred into the background. I didn't understand the full scope of it.

In eight grade, I got put into a special program because of my grades and how smart I was. I decided to give it a try. Worst mistake of my middle school life, lol. It was very isolating. I had one friend, who was also suicidal. Sadly I last touch with her during high school, so I hope she is doing better now. I knew she was getting help during that time, so I really hope it's working for her.

But basically, eight grade was what opened me up to being constantly depressed and suicide. Not just one day of feeling down, no. An entire week that hit me like a truck. That's what kind of turned my life downwards, I guess? Or at least the start of it, haha.

I'm also definitely not as smart as what that program believed me to be. I have ADHD. Most of it was do it at your own pace. Let's just say— I barely did that, lol. At least I passed.

Edit: for non-Americans, I was around 12-13 at that time.

 

[darksouls]

my mother is a very violent woman
she abused me for as long as I can remember
everyone around me knew
but no one helped me

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Mm, maybe some normies fake it. I was never happy, but I thought I was normal before becoming suicidal, I think I may even appear "normal" still. But now, when I read your description of anyone "being happy and positive, with a great life and never thought of suicide once or couldn't understand why people ctb" I realise this was never me, so I must be a great faker if anyone sees me as normal, whatever that may be. Maybe I was born depressed and with one big shove of life in the gut, something finally gave.

 

[Apathy79]

I've had nerve pain on and off since a car accident when I was a little kid. Growing up it was very occasional and mild. As I got older it became more frequent and more severe. When I got covid a few years ago, the nerve pain spiked to a whole new level. I couldn't sleep a wink for 9 days. Every few seconds it would jolt my hand. Like getting a severe electric shock, every few seconds, in the same spot, for 9 days. I eventually went to the emergency room, actually partly due to the advice of someone on chat here, and got sedated until it went away.

I think it spiked then because my immune system was occupied with the covid. I've noticed that trend in the past that it would flare up when I got sick from something else. Which means it is always there under the surface, and as my immune system gradually gets weaker, it's just going to take over, eventually permanently.

I like life. If there's a cure for this or it doesn't progress like I expect, I won't ctb. But I don't see an alternative if it does. It's impossible to live with.

 

[Griever]

I miss the time when my body wasn't covered with scars

 

[TemporaryToTesting]

Fine until 16, bad childhood but I wouldn't say that was necessarily a precursor for my ideation. OCD-esque thoughts (never properly diagnosed so I'm hesitant to say it outright but it certainly seems like OCD) manifested, cycled through thinking I was a sociopath, a pedophile, had this or that gender or sexual or romantic orientation, that I was pure evil, all that jazz, now currently settled on dooming over AI and the enshittification of society. Will likely be the thing that ends me.

 

[happysunnydayy]

I was occasionally suicidal in the past but most my life I was absolutely not suicidal. I loved life. Now, I am planning to end my life because of severe insomnia that leaves me bed-bound and in misery 5 days a week. The cruel joke is on the two days I've slept I want to live. On those days and when I'm feeling okay, I want to dance, be with friends, listen to good music, explore, etc etc. I am not depressed or anxious except as a bi-product of sleeplessness and Long Covid.

Insomnia out of nowhere?

For most of my life, I wasn't suicidal at all - I never thought of suicide (However, it was an option in the case of severe health issues, failure, declining life quality and so on).

My life was good, I was happy and could do the things I wanted most of the time but a few years ago I failed big in life and I became suicidal and now I rot at home.

What happened so wrong a few years back?

 

[timechained]

I just became tired of life and want out of this place that I don't belong in/never asked to be a part of.

I am still alive because the more I researched methods the more I found the peaceful methods were inaccessible and when I tried methods I found out the difficulty in overriding the body's natural defensive response.

CTB is hard, living is not easy, and just existing is torturous.

 

[=^ه`ه^=]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/no-reason-to-feel-suicidal-who-feels-the-same.205543/

Not sure how to link others threads on here but this person

 

[Pluto]

 

[hereornot]

Antes você não se relacionava com pessoas suicidas?

Before did you not relate to the suicidal people ?

Before, no.

I lived happily and had a completely independent life, more than one business, and I was moving towards a stable life, managing to accumulate resources while the business grew... until my borderline mother parachuted into my life and consumed everything I had achieved, my resources and my mental health. I believe there is not enough time to recover what I have lost and I am not encouraged by conformity with a fraction of what I once had and abandoning what I was achieving.

The domino effect brought me here.

 

[theneverending]

I was born messed up but I was wondering if normal people can also be suicidal who look so happy and positive all the time and don't understand why people ctb

I was happy my whole life until I was about 12 or 13. As a small child (at 7 years old) I had been raped every day for multiple months, and I didn't know what it even was, I just knew that it hurt. And it didn't fuck me up much until I learned what sexual assault was when I was 12. That was when the severity of it sank in for me and I had my first run in with depression. The initial depression from that caused me to isolate myself and start drinking and doing drugs, and both of those things cascaded into a chain of events that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. As my unhealthy coping mechanisms made me feel worse and then I found even worse coping mechanisms to help, and it kept spiraling until I was completely hopeless.

 

[sweetreliefpls]

I was happy and relatively healthy until 4 years ago, just some fatigue and depression here and there. Probably undiagnosed autism. Often felt good. Turns out I had some genetic defects leading to slow detox. Then a domino effect of bad genes, bad environment and bad luck have led to chronic immune system dysfunction and infections that seem untreatable and symptoms that I can't live with.
It's tricky cos some of it is undiagnosable in the mainstream currently so i can't even talk about it with other people in a way they understand, and I get gaslit by doctors, so that's isolating. The contrast between me and my life a few years ago, and now, is huge. Covid probably had a role to play but there's much more on top of that.

Planning to use SN before too long, and hope I keep enough down to be effective. I was very set on it a few days ago, now trying one more appointment and treatment (partly for parents) but prepping in the background. I feel some pressure to act because I'm losing brain capacity, so I need to be able to think still when I do it. I don't want to be trapped living like this. But the fear of dying and also fear of not getting it right are delaying me for a bit longer.