Anyone struggle with regret from past mistakes?

[-Toplox-]

I used to be a drug addict and an alcoholic. I've done some super shitty things. I've embarrassed my family, friends, coworkers, anyone who has ever associated with me. Someone recorded a video of me while I was out of my mind on substances and posted it to the internet. I feel better that I'm sober but I still can't erase my past. Especially since it's on the internet. I even tried moving states but once your face is out there, it's out there. I've thought of trying to go to school for IT but no business would hire me if they found out, no business wants to associate themselves with that bullshit. I've been researching a new hobby lately and have been really excited about starting it. I watched a Youtube video of a lot people meeting up on their bikes and hanging out with each other. I thought of how fun it will be to get into and how maybe I'll meet people as well. Then I remembered everything from my past and how it would never actually work. I've ostracized myself and destroyed my reputation. It doesn't matter how much I've put in to change, no one will ever see me for who I am now. My mom and dad talk to me but that's about it. Friends, family they all started deleting me from social media and I just ended up deleting all the accounts I had. I'm not looking for sympathy, I don't deserve nor want it. I guess I'm just venting. Literally the only option left is to hang myself yet I keep putting it off. For what?

 

[s-w]

I'm sorry this has happened. I also struggle with regret and is the main reason I feel like this. I wish there was somehow a way to go back and do things differently and fix the relationships we have with people and make them forget about all the bad things. I think with your situation you can recover though. You just have to try not to care about the video that was posted and realise that chances are nobody will recognise you from it and you can still move on from it. If anyone does ever bring it up just own it and say you were in a rough spot but you have moved past it and want to leave it behind you. If you want to go to school to learn something new then you should go for it - any employer you would want to work for in the future anyway would understand that it was something that happened in the past and you aren't the same person anymore and seek to improve. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[mrpeter]

i have tons of regret over shit i've done in the past and recently

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Shame has been the dominant feeling of my life. I'm always doing and saying bizarre shit.