TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,683
I've grown up during most of my life with very few friends, especially from childhood until adulthood. The only people that I thought were my friends, weren't really "real" friends. Without getting into a too long life story, I will try to keep this brief. Due to my social anxiety and awkwardness owing it to Aspergers, the only friends I had were through family and only due to 'pity,' which isn't really even a genuine friendship. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I had people who would try to talk to me and pretend to befriend me, but only to make themselves look good. They never really invited me to stuff, never really cared about how I felt or what not, and of course there are some bullies who just go out of their way to torment me and make my life a living hell. When I went to college, those childhood friends are gone and throughout most of college and even post-college (I'm in my late 20's) years, nothing much has changed except for people who I thought were my friends ghosting me, never inviting me to stuff, not really checking up, and if I bumped into them at an event or just on the street, they (pretend or) act as if they were my friends even though they and I know damn well that it's not true. Fuck their disgenuine reactions. Also, I have never had a girlfriend before in my whole life.
This is one of the more significant reasons for why I want to ctb, when there really isn't a good solution for this problem and it's not (likely) going to get better anytime soon. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I will not get better, it's too late to make some 180 degree change and just become socially successful given my circumstances. Therefore, I have given up trying to be socially successful and accepted my fate as an Aspie, social loser. Fuck the normie platitudes and false hope, it's just toxic rhetoric.
Also, my family doesn't understand this problem, but instead blames it on not accepting criticism from others, not following directions and conforming to society as well as bullshit like "you read too few books therefore you lack the knowledge to succeed in the world." Like seriously, what the fuck? That only reinforces how out of touch they are to the issue of social skills and becoming socially successful. Oh and if that isn't bad enough, to add insult to injury, my sister has just finished her medical school and is doing residency to further Big Pharma, and she often dismisses my concerns of wanting to become more socially success, and instead insists that I see a therapist/counselor to become more socially successful, rather than give me practical advice. Fucking hell, that's not advice, that's dismissing someone and pushing the burden to another person (who is also equally useless). Even people on the r/ForeverAlone subreddit knows better that therapists and counselors are out of touch with reality, especially the socially isolated people, never mind those who wish to get a relationship but couldn't.
Tl;dr - most of my life, I am an loner, isolated weird kid and no one, not even my family understands nor am I able to get any "real" advice or help out of this shitty situation. I've just come to terms of my fate and given up on trying/wasting time on this shit.
This is one of the more significant reasons for why I want to ctb, when there really isn't a good solution for this problem and it's not (likely) going to get better anytime soon. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I will not get better, it's too late to make some 180 degree change and just become socially successful given my circumstances. Therefore, I have given up trying to be socially successful and accepted my fate as an Aspie, social loser. Fuck the normie platitudes and false hope, it's just toxic rhetoric.
Also, my family doesn't understand this problem, but instead blames it on not accepting criticism from others, not following directions and conforming to society as well as bullshit like "you read too few books therefore you lack the knowledge to succeed in the world." Like seriously, what the fuck? That only reinforces how out of touch they are to the issue of social skills and becoming socially successful. Oh and if that isn't bad enough, to add insult to injury, my sister has just finished her medical school and is doing residency to further Big Pharma, and she often dismisses my concerns of wanting to become more socially success, and instead insists that I see a therapist/counselor to become more socially successful, rather than give me practical advice. Fucking hell, that's not advice, that's dismissing someone and pushing the burden to another person (who is also equally useless). Even people on the r/ForeverAlone subreddit knows better that therapists and counselors are out of touch with reality, especially the socially isolated people, never mind those who wish to get a relationship but couldn't.
Tl;dr - most of my life, I am an loner, isolated weird kid and no one, not even my family understands nor am I able to get any "real" advice or help out of this shitty situation. I've just come to terms of my fate and given up on trying/wasting time on this shit.
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