Discussion Anyone scared theyre not "allowed" to die?

[falloutcarter13]

I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to be forced to stay here and suffer for a long, long time. That even though I know my SN is potent and pure, something is going to happen to stop me from dying. Somebody finding me too soon, not being able to hold it down long enough for it to work...shit, even an act of god like an earthquake knocking over all my SN potions before I can drink them. It's so weird, being terrified of not dying. Anybody else have these thoughts and feelings?

 

[ghostgirl1995]

I'm feeling that same way tbh.

 

[sadghost]

You're definitely not alone in this, I feel the same! I'm truly very scared of not succeeding, even despite my best efforts. Everybody that I've spoken to about CTB has basically told me I'm not "allowed" to die, I just hope they're wrong and the universe lets me rest in peace

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I'm most afraid of my survival instinct because it's been so strong in my previous attempts i really don't have any idea how to overcome it.

The only plausible scenario would be drinking it in the woods alone away from everyone without a cellphone at hand.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I try to think that I won't reach the 30s. That's my goal. I am at a point in life that I lay on my bed and say to myself that I don't want to wake up and face another day.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I feel like death is comparable to life in a way.
Full of uncertainty.

 

[sezhian]

I feel the same, especially after my recently failed attempt when I was found too soon. And I live in India, which makes it all the more difficult because we don't have access to good quality SN or any of the other guaranteed methods. I think I am just going to have to overcome my fear and hang myself, but even then there is a chance that I will survive if I don't get the knot right, or if the bloody ceiling breaks under my weight and falls on my head or something like that.

 

[V1990]

I feel the same way, I always say I'm terrified to live.

 

[eeyore9128]

I was thinking the same thing today during an adbreak about a cancer treatment. I don't have cancer, but it's in my family along with bad heart health and some other stuff, and it makes me wonder if my chosen method won't succeed because i have something undiagnosed that rejects the N or something? seems crazy, but I have that same feeling you describe - like i won't be "allowed" to follow through with my decision. I've been thinking about a backup plan, for just in case.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I have a small urge to end things now because certain methods might not be available later and I might not have a proper way to escape so it's definitely a fear of mine. If you have your method on hand and hide it appropriately then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

[Rue89]

I feel the same. The past two times I posted goodbye threads my family was awake so I couldn't do it. Yesterday I had planned to try this morning, but then the electricity went out, and even though it came back on my mom wanted me to be home to wake her this morning if the power went out again.(It didn't) It does kind of feel like I'm being stopped. Then there is the uncertainty of my ctb place, but I feel like I have no other options, and I also worry that I won't keep the SN down long enough or something else happens to make me fail.

 

[Mixo]

I'm also terrified of being stopped from leaving. I live with someone else who keeps a hawk eye on me at all times but it will be difficult to get away with unless I'm alone in the house.

 

[soulreaper]

I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to be forced to stay here and suffer for a long, long time. That even though I know my SN is potent and pure, something is going to happen to stop me from dying. Somebody finding me too soon, not being able to hold it down long enough for it to work...shit, even an act of god like an earthquake knocking over all my SN potions before I can drink them. It's so weird, being terrified of not dying. Anybody else have these thoughts and feelings?

You read my mind..... Same feeling.... Always have such bad luck that deep down I just think something will happen to keep me alive... I'll keep puking and not die.... Someone will find me..... I'll. Wake up in hospital or something.... I'm taking my SN tomorrow I think.... And I'm so fucking scared of not dying :/

 

[Shinkansen]

considering that there are people who die simply by slipping on the bathroom floor, while I am still here after several suicide attempts, I start to think that there is a god who makes fun of me and my suffering.

 

[so tired or manic]

I might as well be immortal with how many times I've come close to death. at least 3 comas, probably been intubated around 6, even ripped out the tubes apparently. my subconscious is even trying to let me die. and yet I still get found too early no matter the precautions I take.

 

[Zappfe lover]

I'm super afraid of my mom destroying my plans...

 

[TAW122]

I can relate to it, and with any method, no method is absolutely 100% when considering the SI, unpredictable events, variables, and what not. However, I'm confident enough and with reasonable expectations that my method will succeed, so I'm not afraid of dying and I trust my method to succeed (since I have done my homework, research, practiced, and prepared accordingly - so it won't be a surprise when the day arrives).

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Yes. Either because I can't do it all right, because I somehow survive it or because, magically, life turns around which will just be a postponement, I'm sure.

 

[rt1989526]

Yes I'm scared I'm stuck here.

 

[placeholder]

Please end my suffering.

 

[Alec]

I have a strong feeling of being trapped in this world with no way out.

 

[virtuallydead]

You read my mind..... Same feeling.... Always have such bad luck that deep down I just think something will happen to keep me alive... I'll keep puking and not die.... Someone will find me..... I'll. Wake up in hospital or something.... I'm taking my SN tomorrow I think.... And I'm so fucking scared of not dying :/

I'm the same age and can relate to your posts a lot. Particularly the needing to die for 20 years. I wish you peace.

 

[kinzokukae]

yeah. i spend most of my time worrying about what i'd do if i don't die soon. it fucking sucks. i wish i could just go to the nearest hospital and get euthanised, just like that. but noooo, that's illegal! why? what fucking benefit is there to keeping me alive?

 

[TAW122]

I used to be very scared that I'm not allowed to die, but that fear has been greatly eased when I reacquired my means to CTB since I am confident that I am able to carry out the deed when the time and circumstance arrives. There is always a bit of fear and that is natural since there are always going to be situations where even if minute, something that can go wrong. Nothing is ever guaranteed in life, but taxes and death; however, we can do our best to maximize our chances of success and minimize the chances of failure.

 

[IrRegularjoe]

I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to be forced to stay here and suffer for a long, long time. That even though I know my SN is potent and pure, something is going to happen to stop me from dying. Somebody finding me too soon, not being able to hold it down long enough for it to work...shit, even an act of god like an earthquake knocking over all my SN potions before I can drink them. It's so weird, being terrified of not dying. Anybody else have these thoughts and feelings?

Yes, absolutely.

 

[WOODESITY]

Sometimes I think that when actual time is right for me or at least seems like and I've everything prepared I'll not able to do it no matter what, and that's where I get frustrated and mad that I was literally forced to be born and keep up with this life, then only thing that lately helps is to think that only logical function that humans have is to survive, thinking that coming in existence wasn't my choice but my parents tragic decision or perhaps mistake, but still, there is lots of brainwashing that is being done by many throughout this life and now mostly by media, my life is nothing but survival, and I feel guilty and often unable to end it, I hope that by thinking open minded and seeing world as it is, ugly reality.

 

[miguel6565]

Yes im scared of being found

 

[Coateseatsgoatsnboat]

I try to think that I won't reach the 30s. That's my goal. I am at a point in life that I lay on my bed and say to myself that I don't want to wake up and face another day.

This reminds me of my father. He was in a lot pain and always said he would die before he was 30 he died when he was 29

 

[rt1989526]

Saw a thread briefly up that OP is gone. Then it was removed, any particular reason that would be removed? Legal crap?

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Saw a thread briefly up that OP is gone. Then it was removed, any particular reason that would be removed? Legal crap?

What do you mean the OP is gone?