Method Anyone randomly switching between CTB vs utter disbelief how that could be on your mind?

[csdfghjjk_user]

Hello, I wonder, do you switch sometimes randomly between being convinced that you want to CTB and then one day out of random you are like what, why did I have these thoughts, no idea what that was about as if you are a different person?

For me it's like if I am in that negative mindset it's like speaking against a wall. No one can convince me that anything is going to get better and any hope hurts and there seems to be a power wanting me to stay and go deeper into this negative state. It made me register on this site two days ago actually.

But if I switch, today for example, I am in disbelief. It's not even that I did anything different really, I was obsessing more over different methods. But now I look at my diary entries and feel like who's that? That's not me. And feel things are going to get better, no idea what that was about and I feel motivated and committed to do all these improvement steps. And start to believe in therapy again.

But I feel that I have no control when and if this switch might happen again. Last summer it was like 1 negative day out of 10 normal ones. And now it's like 100 bad ones and 1 normal and it drives me insane.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Its very complicated with me, but the short is no. We operate a martial government that tries to direct the affairs of state. As is true with any state all present might not agree, but the affairs of the state again must proceed forward.

 

[Rynalia]

Specifically only about CTB vs not-CTB? Nope.

It applies to anything and everything when it comes to me. Every day is a potential coin toss and boy am I lucky if I can get on a consecutive streak of consistency.

Go with the flow, go with the flow.

 

[csdfghjjk_user]

Specifically only about CTB vs not-CTB? Nope.

It applies to anything and everything when it comes to me. Every day is a potential coin toss and boy am I lucky if I can get on a consecutive streak of consistency.

Go with the flow, go with the flow.

Currently CTB vs not-CTB, but it's a whole mental state/attitude. As in "absolute hopelessness" vs "i think life is fine actually, maybe I don't have a problem".

Before I had it too, but never this drastic, as in "no energy and super tired and can't focus" vs "energy and can do 5 tasks in 20min". Then it turned to "negative dramatic hole" vs "i think i'm fine no idea what I was talking about before". And it feels like a coin coss and absolutely out of my hands.

And before people would be like, oh, so you mean like motivation vs no motivation. And I try to say, no it's not, this is different. It's like a full on force pushing you down? Like I know how to handle motivation vs no motivation. This is different.