Princess_Kitty
Lost kitty
- Jan 4, 2024
- 177
My original plan was for end of March. But, I've moved it up to February. Most likely it'll be after V Day. I'm not really scared right now but I'm sure as the day gets closer I will be. This is my last chance to escape...to be free. So, hopefully I'll be able to go through with it.
Yes very nervous and scared.
Im scared about procrastinating and postponning the date. I have almost evertyhing is hands for the final step.
If we weren't scared and were really ready to CTB we'd grab a rope and be gone in 2 minutes.
The SI may take us a day to overcome or it may take 70 years.
In my case, I have not managed to properly overcome it in 25 years.
The SI may take us a day to overcome or it may take 70 years.
In my case, I have not managed to properly overcome it in 25 years.
Based on ur experience, what advice whould give to us in order to be more effective so wait for CTB does not take too long.
Ariii
Member
- Oct 29, 2023
- 83
I'm planning for Feburary 21 and im scared of the pain and if i fail. Not of actual death tho, but that will probably change when i do it
onyx559
Hiraeth
- Apr 12, 2023
- 41
Yes, but not scared to do it . I've attempted many times and the aftermath of surviving makes me mad. I've had pretty serious attempts too. My last one I jumped in front of a freight train, broke the entire right side of my body and in the hospital for months. I died on the way to the hospital but I was brought back. I overdosed but my parents found me and called the ambulane. I was dead for 20 mins and then in a coma for three days. I'm scared that even after surviving stuff like that there is no way for me that will actually work and i'm starting to feel hopeless with suicide.
Surving suicide attempts brings a lot of other people into your mind that you don't want. In the hospital there's ALWAYS someone with you, even when you're sleeping. The mandatory psychward, the mandatory therapy afterward. The fact you have to tell someone what you did BEFORE you even leave the psychward. I've realized recently that I truly have nobody I can confide in and the fact you're forced to share what you did, why you did it, how you're feeling to someone else. yeah that's a big no for me.
Surving suicide attempts brings a lot of other people into your mind that you don't want. In the hospital there's ALWAYS someone with you, even when you're sleeping. The mandatory psychward, the mandatory therapy afterward. The fact you have to tell someone what you did BEFORE you even leave the psychward. I've realized recently that I truly have nobody I can confide in and the fact you're forced to share what you did, why you did it, how you're feeling to someone else. yeah that's a big no for me.
divinemistress36
Illuminated
- Jan 1, 2024
- 3,272
Aim
🤍
- Sep 12, 2023
- 945
I think I will be very scared. However today it actually wasn't to bad. But i think i just need to keep reminding myself that people die all the time. And that it's probably just like before we were born. Nothingness fall asleep. You will not even know it. And then suddenly your just gone. Adios
Imagening coming out on the other side like, hey that wasnt bad at all. Or it actually felt kinda good. Pain gone. And all this terror for nothing
What is bugging me the most now and almost causing shame is having to talk with an Airbnb house owner or say hello to a potential hotel staff.
Since im ctb in another country im kinda left with no other options, but hopefully it doesn't get to bad.
Imagening coming out on the other side like, hey that wasnt bad at all. Or it actually felt kinda good. Pain gone. And all this terror for nothing
What is bugging me the most now and almost causing shame is having to talk with an Airbnb house owner or say hello to a potential hotel staff.
Since im ctb in another country im kinda left with no other options, but hopefully it doesn't get to bad.
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onyx559
Hiraeth
- Apr 12, 2023
- 41
I don't remember anything, on the way to the hospital from the train they put ALOT of ketamine in me and the last thing I remembered was the paramedics asking "who is the current president?" then waking up day later after surgery. With the overdose if I did see something I wouldn't know, I had left the bar drunk then did cocaine that was cut with meth and came home to down all of my new and old bpd (bipolar not borderline) meds, my anti depressants and mood stabilizers. I didn't even remember going to the bar in the first place when I finally woke up from a coma. If I hadn't taken pictures there and texted my cousin I was there I would've never known what even happened.
ATort
Member
- Jan 27, 2024
- 15
My current plan in the works is to quit my job of 7 years as I hate it SOOO much nowadays by the summertime, and get a new job? After I finish a certification, but if things don't start to feel or get better after all that then I plan to ctb by the end of the year, and giving myself that big of a time frame to try and work through that fear through the control I hope ot will grant me. Yes I'm very scared, I just don't know what's going on after but I don't think it's bad, or as bad as life is in the end.
kaidatenn
Kai kinda like the nitrite taste
- Sep 19, 2023
- 38
Kai is. But lately kai want to go. Well some more events happened and kai even more want to go. Maybe after grandma kai's one year passing anniversary. Kai dont care about anything anymore
JOkE2109
Student
- Dec 18, 2023
- 102
AngelTears
Last Days
- Jun 10, 2023
- 63
I've tried many times... Tbh I'm now more scared of either failing or just hurting myself. I've had complications stemming from failed atrempts that are not fun.
Ashley_1988
Member
- Dec 13, 2019
- 62
I am planing hopefully it will be done this week/ month, but I am fucking scared- but my goal was to screw basically everything up what holds me back- friendships, my job etc..in order to be able to go through with it..I know it sounds crazy - but I always knew that i am going to sabotage my self in a way that there will be no coming back..and sadly depends on the pov- I achieved it...now
Scared about the pain..but i am happy that it will be over soon..
Scared about the pain..but i am happy that it will be over soon..
you were just not ready to go. When the agony is too big, nothing is scarier than doing it.
Still one have to plan carefully and avoid doing it on impulse. A failed attempt costs too much.
Still one have to plan carefully and avoid doing it on impulse. A failed attempt costs too much.
es, but I'm not directly afraid of dying. I'm just afraid of being caught early on the CTB and then being rescued. Unfortunately, in the house I live in you can sometimes hear the neighbors through the walls if they are quite loud. I'm still looking for alternatives to being able to do it outdoors
Unknown21
The past never dies.
- Apr 25, 2023
- 997
wagner2029
Experienced
- Jun 25, 2023
- 213
It's not possible not to feel anxiety, fear, loneliness and a bunch of other things, you probably won't succeed on the first try, first attempt to start I mean, you'll postpone it, but that's okay, do it in your own time.
