Anyone out there with a story similar to mine?

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel that I am on and island but here goes:

Basically I grew up being abused. It wasn't always that way. At least, things changed when I became 5. My mom began to hit me often, call me horrible names like bitch and idiot. She'd scream at my face nd was always angry. She would also abuse my dad too so it was constant war. My dad did nothing to protect me so I was always on my own. While I had better experiences with my grandmother and my aunt, I was still usually at home. My extended family were also abusive in their own ways so I couldn't rely on anyone. You may be wondering "why didn't you say anything". Well my mom threatened me all the time, telling me she'd beat me or if I told anyone she'd go to jail. I didn't want either so I kept quiet.

I remember being so angry. How everyone around me would compliment my mom and say how good she was, how she was so caring and kind. Not knowing how devious she was to me. At age 7 she got pregnant with my brother. He, well, turned out like her. At least, nowadays. As a kid he and I were 2 peas in a pod. Super close, but as siblings we had our moments. Overall we always played games together, ate together, and did everything together. He was like a best friend. But my mom also abused him and I watched him change. From a happy loving boy to one who imitated our mother. Abusing eveyrone along with me. He continues the abuse towards me today. My mom would beat me with belt buckles as I screamed for her to stop. She beat me like she wanted to kill me. Times where I talked to her about how she treated me resulted in me being the problem. No on helped me

School wasn't any better. Always bullied and pick don even by teachers. Bineg called names, spit at, and beat up. At age 13, I wanted to die. My mom even told me one day to jump out a window because I am a burden to her. Sometimes I wonder why I never did what she said. Along with making her happy I would have not dealt with the crap I deal with now.

Despite her dying from cancer last year, her mental trauma had officially destroyed my brain beyond repair.

My brother abusing me, watching my dad and him fight daily, my sexual assault and bullying in college, etc. Life never got better. Therapy does nothing, anti depressants does nothing

Theres a lot I'm leaving out but so far, I havent found anyone with a story similar to mine. Everyone seems to have loving parents and are not trapped in shitty households during this quarantine. I am feel like an island, one that will die an island.

I always threaten suicide a lot because, I dont see a reason to live. Sadly, I have one of two options. Either kill myself and fail living with more physical scars. or kill myself and succeed never to come back to this world. I don't know, I just dont know

SN isn't easy for me to get atm, and my plan of jumping off a bridge could go badly. For now, I am stuck. Though hopefully I am abused enough so my Brian shuts down and I die that way.

If there is a God, he failed me. Everyone failed me and it feels like there is nobody like me.

There is nothing to live for, no one to live for, No one in real life ever gave a shit about me and loved me genuinely. So whats the point anymore? Whats the point in living this miserable fuckig life? To one day grow ol and die?

Well, if when I do die, I hope people find this and understand why. But by then it'll be too late.

 

[Anonymoussn]

Not me, but my Dad's story is quite similar. My grandfather abused him and my Nan very seriously. He knocked all of my Nan's teeth out. He broke both of my dad's big toes by dropping a heavy object on his feet deliberately. He drank all the time, and got violent every day. My Nan had post traumatic stress disorder and had some type of now banned electro-shock therapy, which went wrong and made her permanently lose all of her hair.

My dad was also bullied at school, and had a terrible childhood because of everything.

Despite all of this, my Dad is now happy and is a great father to me, and my three half siblings even though they are not his biological children.

I cannot pass any judgement on you, or your situation. But what I can say is that it is possible to be happy as an adult even after a terrible childhood. I don't know your circumstances, or your thoughts, so I can't tell you what to do - but just that it won't necessarily be a life full of pain and suffering, and it's possible to overcome adversity.

Abuse happens far more than you think. Lots of people don't want to talk about such things. Often people want to paint a pretty picture of their lives for those looking in at them, but in reality the picture is an ugly and horrible one. You are not alone, and you are not the only person who has been through this.

All the best to you X

 

[Ghost2211]

You're not alone. I'll get into all this because hopefully it will make you feel like you're not the only one in this boat. My mom was sexually abused by her stepfather as a child, and as a result she was completely emotionally broken, and incapable of love. We were literally never told I love you or hugged . She beat and abused verbally my eldest sister to the point that my sister became a heroin addict to escape the world she grew up in. My mom beat my sister's dog with a broom handle until the dog couldn't walk anymore When she got mad one time.

my brother is 2 1/2 years older than I am. I was born with a disability Which required me to have more care. My mother hated and resented me for the level of care I needed as a child and made it very clear verbally. My brother was jealous of the attention I received and beat me bloody on a daily basis as a toddler hood and early childhood. I went to live with my father who left my mother at the age of eight to escape my mothers abusive household, but my father's way of punishing was the starve me for several days, which resulted in late onset puberty.

my mother would hit us, insult us, then when she got cancer she said that she was dying of cancer because I was such a piece of shit child that ruined her life. I tolerated my mothers abuse because I felt bad that she was dying, and figured she needed an emotional punching bag to get through it. Her blaming me for her cancer was the last straw, and she died a few months after I moved out of her home.

I skipped a lot of the specifics, but that's a general idea of my upbringing. I think a lot of us here grew up in unfortunate circumstances, which is part of why we understand one another

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

You're not alone. I'll get into all this because hopefully it will make you feel like you're not the only one in this boat. My mom was sexually abused by her stepfather as a child, and as a result she was completely emotionally broken, and incapable of love. We were literally never told I love you or hugged . She beat and abused verbally my eldest sister to the point that my sister became a heroin addict to escape the world she grew up in. My mom beat my sister's dog with a broom handle until the dog couldn't walk anymore When she got mad one time.

my brother is 2 1/2 years older than I am. I was born with a disability Which required me to have more care. My mother hated and resented me for the level of care I needed as a child and made it very clear verbally. My brother was jealous of the attention I received and beat me bloody on a daily basis Author toddler hood and early childhood. I went to live with my father who left my mother at the age of eight to escape my mothers abusive household, but my father's way of punishing was the starve me for several days, which resulted in late onset puberty.

my mother would hit us, insult us, then when she got cancer she said that she was dying of cancer because I was such a piece of shit child that ruined her life. I tolerated my mothers abuse because I felt bad that she was dying, and figured she needed an emotional punching bag to get through it. Her blaming me for her counselor it was the last straw, and she died a few months after I moved out of her home.

I skipped a lot of the specifics, but that's a general idea of my upbringing. I think a lot of us here grew up in unfortunate circumstances, which is part of why we understand one another

My god. I hope this didn't hurt to open up about. Trauma is hard enough. Thank you for opening up though.

Not me, but my Dad's story is quite similar. My grandfather abused him and my Nan very seriously. He knocked all of my Nan's teeth out. He broke both of my dad's big toes by dropping a heavy object on his feet deliberately. He drank all the time, and got violent every day. My Nan had post traumatic stress disorder and had some type of now banned electro-shock therapy, which went wrong and made her permanently lose all of her hair.

My dad was also bullied at school, and had a terrible childhood because of everything.

Despite all of this, my Dad is now happy and is a great father to me, and my three half siblings even though they are not his biological children.

I cannot pass any judgement on you, or your situation. But what I can say is that it is possible to be happy as an adult even after a terrible childhood. I don't know your circumstances, or your thoughts, so I can't tell you what to do - but just that it won't necessarily be a life full of pain and suffering, and it's possible to overcome adversity.

Abuse happens far more than you think. Lots of people don't want to talk about such things. Often people want to paint a pretty picture of their lives for those looking in at them, but in reality the picture is an ugly and horrible one. You are not alone, and you are not the only person who has been through this.

All the best to you X

Though I am glad your father was able to help himself, it isn't something everyone can do.

 

[Anonymoussn]

Though I am glad your father was able to help himself, it isn't something everyone can do.

You are absolutely correct, and I wish that was different. Like I said, I cannot pass judgement on you or your circumstances, and tell you whether you will one day be happy, but I wish you all the best and hope that you find what you're looking for one way or another.

 

[Ghost2211]

My god. I hope this didn't hurt to open up about. Trauma is hard enough. Thank you for opening up though.

No, The way I look at it it is the abusers that should have shame publicly and privately. They are the ones that should suffer, and our stories are stories of strength not stories of weakness or shame. There's a lot to be said for being able to survive in such households. That is part of why I tell you that your life might get better once you're away from your family. When you are trapped in that kind of household you drown in it. Sometimes getting away even if it's hard to take that leap can be a breath of fresh air.

 

[fat feet]

I feel that I am on and island but here goes:

Basically I grew up being abused. It wasn't always that way. At least, things changed when I became 5. My mom began to hit me often, call me horrible names like bitch and idiot. She'd scream at my face nd was always angry. She would also abuse my dad too so it was constant war. My dad did nothing to protect me so I was always on my own. While I had better experiences with my grandmother and my aunt, I was still usually at home. My extended family were also abusive in their own ways so I couldn't rely on anyone. You may be wondering "why didn't you say anything". Well my mom threatened me all the time, telling me she'd beat me or if I told anyone she'd go to jail. I didn't want either so I kept quiet.

I remember being so angry. How everyone around me would compliment my mom and say how good she was, how she was so caring and kind. Not knowing how devious she was to me. At age 7 she got pregnant with my brother. He, well, turned out like her. At least, nowadays. As a kid he and I were 2 peas in a pod. Super close, but as siblings we had our moments. Overall we always played games together, ate together, and did everything together. He was like a best friend. But my mom also abused him and I watched him change. From a happy loving boy to one who imitated our mother. Abusing eveyrone along with me. He continues the abuse towards me today. My mom would beat me with belt buckles as I screamed for her to stop. She beat me like she wanted to kill me. Times where I talked to her about how she treated me resulted in me being the problem. No on helped me

School wasn't any better. Always bullied and pick don even by teachers. Bineg called names, spit at, and beat up. At age 13, I wanted to die. My mom even told me one day to jump out a window because I am a burden to her. Sometimes I wonder why I never did what she said. Along with making her happy I would have not dealt with the crap I deal with now.

Despite her dying from cancer last year, her mental trauma had officially destroyed my brain beyond repair.

My brother abusing me, watching my dad and him fight daily, my sexual assault and bullying in college, etc. Life never got better. Therapy does nothing, anti depressants does nothing

Theres a lot I'm leaving out but so far, I havent found anyone with a story similar to mine. Everyone seems to have loving parents and are not trapped in shitty households during this quarantine. I am feel like an island, one that will die an island.

I always threaten suicide a lot because, I dont see a reason to live. Sadly, I have one of two options. Either kill myself and fail living with more physical scars. or kill myself and succeed never to come back to this world. I don't know, I just dont know

SN isn't easy for me to get atm, and my plan of jumping off a bridge could go badly. For now, I am stuck. Though hopefully I am abused enough so my Brian shuts down and I die that way.

If there is a God, he failed me. Everyone failed me and it feels like there is nobody like me.

There is nothing to live for, no one to live for, No one in real life ever gave a shit about me and loved me genuinely. So whats the point anymore? Whats the point in living this miserable fuckig life? To one day grow ol and die?

Well, if when I do die, I hope people find this and understand why. But by then it'll be too late.

I have a similar story to you. My mother was very abusive physically and she ignored me, I do not ever recall her giving me a hug. I am not going to go into my whole story. Neither of my parents paid attention to me (my father went for long stints away for work) My sisters (3) to this day do not have anything to do with me. They only like me to be their kicking post, the bad seed that they can talk about. To be honest that is the part I am over now.

It left me with serious abandonment issues on top of my OCD/anxiety when I get stressed. To make a long life shorter, I am getting a divorce and I have no one in my life but my child/grandchild that I love dearly. I know I drive my child nuts with my inability to be alone. I find myself annoying. I would rather leave them money than my crazy.
I do not feel like anyone has failed me. I don't have the energy to start my life over again at my age. I think you are young and may be able to over come some of those issues. I did for many years with some decent stability.
I would tell myself to do the things I needed to do for me once in a while instead of trying to make other people like who I pretend to be. Also I wish I knew about Jordan Peterson and you tube to have had help with some good life lessons.

 

[Deleted member 10475]

Yup, I went through a lot of what you did.

My mom would do and say the same to me, she was horribly abusive. I remember having a panic attack when I was younger because I was terrified to go to school and she kicked me out of the house, while I was still in my pajamas. I guess as a way to punish me?

Then as time went on, I experienced more abuse from other people and dealt with a rape on my 18th birthday. Ironically, I never thought I would make it to 18 and then that happened.

Some of us were dealt super shitty hands in life.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Thanks all. I don't have the energy to reply individually but thank you for replying.

I think if I do commit suicide, that's ok. Assuming I do it right and don't fuck up and live. If anything it just means I wasn't strong enough to "rise above" my trauma. I was simply too weak to make things work

 

[fat feet]

Thanks all. I don't have the energy to reply individually but thank you for replying.

I think if I do commit suicide, that's ok. Assuming I do it right and don't fuck up and live. If anything it just means I wasn't strong enough to "rise above" my trauma. I was simply too weak to make things work

I have tried to die a few times before. There have been amazing highs in my life and extreme lows. I can not tell you what to do either way. I am saying I have had to opportunity to over come some of the issues. I could tell you more of my story but we would be here for days, lol.
I wish for you what ever you choose.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I have tried to die a few times before. There have been amazing highs in my life and extreme lows. I can not tell you what to do either way. I am saying I have had to opportunity to over come some of the issues. I could tell you more of my story but we would be here for days, lol.
I wish for you what ever you choose.

Thanks

 

[ZardozOmega]

Did you go to the police when you were sexually assaulted?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Did you go to the police when you were sexually assaulted?

Im hesitant to answer this because of judgement, but no. I reported it to my school instead. I would have done it differently if I had known better but I did not. Please don't judge me for not going ot he police. My sexual assault is hard enough to talk about

 

[fat feet]

Did you go to the police when you were sexually assaulted?

Im hesitant to answer this because of judgement, but no. I reported it to my school instead. I would have done it differently if I had known better but I did not. Please don't judge me for not going ot he police. My sexual assault is hard enough to talk about

I have been sexually assaulted 3 times in my life and have never reported it.
I have a lack of trust in authority so it is only logical I would not do it. Not only from my mothers abuse, but my vice principal once told me that if I could not pay attention n class I would be like a girl he had taught that he seen on the corner prostituting herself.
When I see your story in my humble opinion you could also have the same fear of authority. When you can not count on the people that are supposed to be your protectors.

 

[timetofly]

My story is almost identical with a few exceptions: no frequent physical abuse, just sometimes, and my parents also tried to turn my older sister against me, just like with your brother, but failed. She is the reason I'm still alive and it's hard because I don't have any energy left to continue living and want to end it all, but this will affect her terribly and I feel like a piece of shit because of it. However, I have no choice… there's poverty and homelessness waiting for me in a few months.

You opened up here and as you see people like us exist and I hope you'll find someone who wants to recover and helps you too. Not everything is lost, but it's very hard to recover on your own. I've tried and failed. I hope you succeed.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I have been sexually assaulted 3 times in my life and have never reported it.
I have a lack of trust in authority so it is only logical I would not do it. Not only from my mothers abuse, but my vice principal once told me that if I could not pay attention n class I would be like a girl he had taught that he seen on the corner prostituting herself.
When I see your story in my humble opinion you could also have the same fear of authority. When you can not count on the people that are supposed to be your protectors.

Fuck that "principle" so many adults fail people and its disgusting. So many people just do it for the power not to help people. Disgusting. Yeah I fear authority because authority always let me down. I kinda feel like I was a mistake in this universe like maybe I dont belong

My story is almost identical with a few exceptions: no frequent physical abuse, just sometimes, and my parents also tried to turn my older sister against me, just like with your brother, but failed. She is the reason I'm still alive and it's hard because I don't have any energy left to continue living and want to end it all, but this will affect her terribly and I feel like a piece of shit because of it. However, I have no choice… there's poverty and homelessness waiting for me in a few months.

You opened up here and as you see people like us exist and I hope you'll find someone who wants to recover and helps you too. Not everything is lost, but it's very hard to recover on your own. I've tried and failed. I hope you succeed.

If you dont mind me asking, but how did you "fail"?.
Meh, its just hard. Like I lost so much in life I dont know if I want to get better

 

[fat feet]

Fuck that "principle" so many adults fail people and its disgusting. So many people just do it for the power not to help people. Disgusting. Yeah I fear authority because authority always let me down. I kinda feel like I was a mistake in this universe like maybe I dont belong

If you dont mind me asking, but how did you "fail"?.
Meh, its just hard. Like I lost so much in life I dont know if I want to get better

What if you weren't a mistake. What if you need to be an inspiration to other people that have has the shitty end of the stick of life?
I wanted to help battered women. ( I was a battered woman for many years of my life) I was told by my husband that I should not do it because I was too sensitive and I would bring it home. I think I should have followed my heart. I have have had people that understood me where my spouse did not want to know anything about me. Just sit there, look pretty and don't open your mouth unless it was to smile.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

What if you weren't a mistake. What if you need to be an inspiration to other people that have has the shitty end of the stick of life?
I wanted to help battered women. ( I was a battered woman for many years of my life) I was told by my husband that I should not do it because I was too sensitive and I would bring it home. I think I should have followed my heart. I have have had people that understood me where my spouse did not want to know anything about me. Just sit there, look pretty and don't open your mouth unless it was to smile.

Tbh I would create pro choice life. Knowing that suicide is an option can be a good thing.

 

[fat feet]

Tbh I would create pro choice life. Knowing that suicide is an option can be a good thing.

That is a great idea. Perhaps get in contact with some people that are already in the loop and see if you and Lerners from them. I am sure they would appriciate any help. Learn and move up the ladder. I am excited for you to try it.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I already started a group for bullying/sexual abuse support for college. Its just a lousy reddit page that I post in everyday

But, I feel that the mentality of making someone live in spite of their own suffering is toxic. Its not taking into account that person's pain. The people preventing the suicide may do it because they genuinely care for that person, or don't want to be seen as bad people. But, instead of preventing the suicide itself we should focus on what lead to the suicidal in the first place. What things could have been prevented? What people should be held accountable?

Life is overall hard, and for people like me who were fucked up for years and had their lives ruined, having the option to take a pill or something to die peacefully can be a nice feeling. Knowing that, if you decide to just end things that its ok. That its not weak. That you did your best and that hopefully, you will find a once you could not find alive. Forcing people to live is just sad and it always hurts the victim

 

[fat feet]

Life is hard. You are a good person with a big heart that wants to help other people. I believe in that for you.

 

[sufferingalways]

I feel that I am on and island but here goes:

Basically I grew up being abused. It wasn't always that way. At least, things changed when I became 5. My mom began to hit me often, call me horrible names like bitch and idiot. She'd scream at my face nd was always angry. She would also abuse my dad too so it was constant war. My dad did nothing to protect me so I was always on my own. While I had better experiences with my grandmother and my aunt, I was still usually at home. My extended family were also abusive in their own ways so I couldn't rely on anyone. You may be wondering "why didn't you say anything". Well my mom threatened me all the time, telling me she'd beat me or if I told anyone she'd go to jail. I didn't want either so I kept quiet.

I remember being so angry. How everyone around me would compliment my mom and say how good she was, how she was so caring and kind. Not knowing how devious she was to me. At age 7 she got pregnant with my brother. He, well, turned out like her. At least, nowadays. As a kid he and I were 2 peas in a pod. Super close, but as siblings we had our moments. Overall we always played games together, ate together, and did everything together. He was like a best friend. But my mom also abused him and I watched him change. From a happy loving boy to one who imitated our mother. Abusing eveyrone along with me. He continues the abuse towards me today. My mom would beat me with belt buckles as I screamed for her to stop. She beat me like she wanted to kill me. Times where I talked to her about how she treated me resulted in me being the problem. No on helped me

School wasn't any better. Always bullied and pick don even by teachers. Bineg called names, spit at, and beat up. At age 13, I wanted to die. My mom even told me one day to jump out a window because I am a burden to her. Sometimes I wonder why I never did what she said. Along with making her happy I would have not dealt with the crap I deal with now.

Despite her dying from cancer last year, her mental trauma had officially destroyed my brain beyond repair.

My brother abusing me, watching my dad and him fight daily, my sexual assault and bullying in college, etc. Life never got better. Therapy does nothing, anti depressants does nothing

Theres a lot I'm leaving out but so far, I havent found anyone with a story similar to mine. Everyone seems to have loving parents and are not trapped in shitty households during this quarantine. I am feel like an island, one that will die an island.

I always threaten suicide a lot because, I dont see a reason to live. Sadly, I have one of two options. Either kill myself and fail living with more physical scars. or kill myself and succeed never to come back to this world. I don't know, I just dont know

SN isn't easy for me to get atm, and my plan of jumping off a bridge could go badly. For now, I am stuck. Though hopefully I am abused enough so my Brian shuts down and I die that way.

If there is a God, he failed me. Everyone failed me and it feels like there is nobody like me.

There is nothing to live for, no one to live for, No one in real life ever gave a shit about me and loved me genuinely. So whats the point anymore? Whats the point in living this miserable fuckig life? To one day grow ol and die?

Well, if when I do die, I hope people find this and understand why. But by then it'll be too late.

Hugs, your story has echoes to mine. Swap the parent to father and there's a lot similar. It's late here so I need to try get to bed but I can finish this message another day. (Biggest hugs)
I know how that shit feels.

 

[ZardozOmega]

Im hesitant to answer this because of judgement, but no. I reported it to my school instead. I would have done it differently if I had known better but I did not. Please don't judge me for not going ot he police. My sexual assault is hard enough to talk about

Im not judging. I completely understand not telling the police. I've been assaulted too and I didn't really tell anyone.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Im not judging. I completely understand not telling the police. I've been assaulted too and I didn't really tell anyone.

*hugs* I feel this life benefits abusers and leaves vicimts ot suffer. And then when hat vicim dies everyone wants to act all surprised

 

[timetofly]

how did you "fail"?.

I've tried to start trusting people, tried to form relations/friendships, open up, and failed, I couldn't force myself to be around people. Besides depression I've developed extreme generalized anxiety, my body shivers a lot when under slight stress and even doctors find that funny, which isn't encouraging at all. In order to study, work, enjoy life one needs to be around others, and I just can't.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I'm so glad your name isn't crossed out yet @DeathIsTheWayOut99

I didn't have it as bad as you, but my childhood was marked by abuse and neglect. My mother was depressed and she wasn't really able to love me, and as a child I would gravitate towards bullies and people who hated me. Maybe I felt like I *deserved* to be treated that way.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I'm so glad your name isn't crossed out yet @DeathIsTheWayOut99

I didn't have it as bad as you, but my childhood was marked by abuse and neglect. My mother was depressed and she wasn't really able to love me, and as a child I would gravitate towards bullies and people who hated me. Maybe I felt like I *deserved* to be treated that way.

Gosh I relate to this. The reason why I stood around shit people in college