Discussion Anyone out there who had it all but fucked up life?

[extaz]

I was a smart kid, good looking come from upper middle class family with great parents and relatives. However I spent most of my life suffering from anxiety from the age of 12 due to a traumatic experience that left me destroyed emotionally. I've realized that I don't have the mental capacity to go on with life and I don't find excitement or joy in life I just feel empty and I always hated this world and I truly feel that I would be in a better place if I was dead whatever that place is.. God.. Though my family would be devastated and it's truly not their fault it's all mine they were great but myself and my mind screwed it. That and antipsychotics for a misstaken psychotic episode that there was a lot of truth to but no one saw it but me and it's if I just live this lie.

The odd thing is that I found myself thinking about River Phoenix a lot lately I don't know why. He just seemed like someone who was a really good person and did a lot of good things with his fame but really hated this world as someone close to him said that he thinks he is in a better place now.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I was a smart kid, good looking come from upper middle class family with great parents and relatives. However I spent most of my life suffering from anxiety from the age of 12 due to a traumatic experience that left me destroyed emotionally.

I'm the same. Fine upbringing, excelled at school, top grade GCSEs at 16. A 2:1 at uni. I just happened to be cursed with mental illness and bullies at school who cemented every negative feeling.

Can't blame my family (well, unless we're talking genetics and inherited mental illness).

I'm empty too. Got a normal, not bad job, but I hate going in and then I have nothing to look forward to when I leave at the end of the day.

 

[Throwaway563078]

Same kind of, upper middle class as well. Above average in academics, looks are fine. One parent was emotionally abusive and I had a traumatic event from a neighbor. But I struggled with bad anxiety as a kid and other mental issues. So in the mental, emotional and social department I've always struggled in those.

 

[Battered_Seoul]

I wouldn't say I had it all, but I had a wonderful childhood and an Oxbridge education and completely wasted it. All I have to show for the last 15 years professionally is a progressively farcical series of fuckups and travesties due in large part to neurodevelopmental deficits with my executive functioning capabilities; time management, planning, impulsivity, emotion control, working memory, etc.

I've repeated myself a few times on this point, but I'll do so again: If your depression is not related explicitly to a physical disabilty/illness, is worsened by exposure to specific situational stimuli and has proven to be treatment resistant, I urge you to explore the possibility of Adult ADD/Executive Functioning Disorder/Emotional Dysfunction Disorder as an alternative diagnosis. These are treated with a different class of medication and are frequently confused with depressive disorders. If I'd known this as recently as two years ago, I could have turned it around. Now, its probably too late.

Apologies for hijacking the thread ;) Carry on..

 

[Throwaway563078]

I'm the same. Fine upbringing, excelled at school, top grade GCSEs at 16. A 2:1 at uni. I just happened to be cursed with mental illness and bullies at school who cemented every negative feeling.

Can't blame my family (well, unless we're talking genetics and inherited mental illness).

I'm empty too. Got a normal, not bad job, but I hate going in and then I have nothing to look forward to when I leave at the end of the day.

Screw bullies. I literally saw a picture of my bully yesterday and felt so horrible. Kids can be so mean

 

[Daystavro]

I can relate.
Had pretty good "starting position".
I look pretty good, had good parents, did pretty well at school at first.
But it all went downhill for me at the beginning of middle school.

But something that wasn't good from the beginning was that I was always shy.
Since I can remember myself.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Screw bullies. I literally saw a picture of my bully yesterday and felt so horrible. Kids can be so mean

My original (lol, there's been a few) bully has come up on my FB suggested friends a few times.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

I had money in the bank, secent job working on the ambulance, perfect fiancee, step daughter, on the adoption route, large friendship circle them bang my fiancee died and everything disappeared. Still cant believe life can just switch like that. People are like but you can start again, my answer, ive started again 5 times and in 32, this time i had it all down and it still fucked up so why the hell would i want to try again. Ive done life now please let me die

 

[swanfil]

I was freelancing creating characters for games which I loved doing, had a great group of friends, caring family and a stunningly beautiful loving caring partner.

As with freelance it was up and down so I decided to look for a job in the industry and somehow manage to land a role at a big, well known games company. It meant I'd be away during the weekdays for a contract, which my partner was concerned about but she was proud of me. The morning I was going to be leaving she took her life believing I'd be better off without her...

Now I'm in shambles, overwhelmed with guilt, I threw the career away and no longer can do the freelance. I've lost so many friends and the stress has put strain on my relationship with my family.

Life wanted to twist the knife and not only was I blamed and punished for her making this tragic choice but a week after the tragedy my freelance work paid off in a decent way meaning I would've never needed the job and she'd still be alive.

Like most here I just don't have the energy to start again, I've lost all passions n goals in life. One moment I had it all then it was gone in an instant...

 

[longingforrelease]

Was tenured professor at respected university. Loving family, loving wife and an adoring daughter. Good social position, modest international profile because of my work. Travelled extensively. Good friends. Many years sober. I fucked it all up. Got hooked on amphetamines, sparked a two year mania (have bipolar) cheated on my wife, she left me, got custody of my daughter, lost my job, Now owe the IRS a ton, forced to a take a job 10,000 miles from my daughter. Tonight is halloween. Used to be our favorite holiday together. I threw away so many precious gifts that I can never get back. I'm alone, filled with shame and regret. I had more than I deserved and squandered it all.

 

[wanttodie]

yes all my life i have had a fucked up life hate and want to end my life

 

[Mr2005]

Yeah I had it all going for me and threw it all away. Makes me want to die