Anyone just have the crazy urge to tell people about your ctb plans?

[uniqueusername987]

Logically it's absolutely stupid but when a friend asks how my day was and I made progress on giving away stuff or my ctb plan I just get so excited and wish I could tell them. That's why I really appreciate this forum. It's the only place where this sorta thing is accepted.

 

[thebookofdisquiet.]

Yes! I won't tell anyone (ended all of my friendships to ensure this) but I've always been an open book and keeping this secret is uncomfortable so I'm here to share with understanding strangers. :)

 

[silentcicada]

Sometimes I want to tell my partner just so it wouldn't come as a surprise, but I understand why it's a bad idea.

 

[tora]

every time I think about my mom and how i'll never see her again, I break down and start crying and I want to tell her about my plans so badly, that I bought a gun and I'm going to use it this week. but all that would do is put me back in the psych ward and my parents would make me move in with them so they could keep an eye on me and my situation wouldn't change at all, i'd still be as suicidal as I am now.

 

[Umi__]

Logically it's absolutely stupid but when a friend asks how my day was and I made progress on giving away stuff or my ctb plan I just get so excited and wish I could tell them. That's why I really appreciate this forum. It's the only place where this sorta thing is accepted.

I tried to talk about my plans about ctb with my partner but he think im joking. Thats why I'm in this community, perfectize my plan and just talking with u guys make me feel like less weird (like I'm not the only one who doesn't wanna live and such)

 

[uniqueusername987]

i know if i do the police will get called

I partially feel this and partially feel like all of my friends are totally oblivious and wouldn't believe me, if they weren't oblivious I would be in a psych ward already.

I tried to talk about my plans about ctb with my partner but he think im joking.

Ugh this sort of thing pisses me off to no end. It's like no wonder I want to die. Clearly nobody's worried about me. *cue Julien Baker*

 

[NeedPeace83]

No, i won't tell anyone. My best friend has a feeling that i would do something like that so he is giving me great deal of attention but that only make me feel worse.

 

[Umi__]

Ugh this sort of thing pisses me off to no end. It's like no wonder I want to die. Clearly nobody's worried about me. *cue Julien Baker*

yea that part absolutely breaks me most, no one try to understand me and also at the same time they are trying to judge me...

 

[uniqueusername987]

yea that part absolutely breaks me most, no one try to understand me and also at the same time they are trying to judge me...

I have an ex-friend who I was really close to but cut me out of his life after I came back from rehab after like 10 months being there for me through a lot of intense ideation episodes and hospitalizations. Maybe I'm missing something but I'm pretty sure that either means (a) he doesn't care if I die, or (b) he doesn't actually think I have the guts to do it. I really want to prove him wrong on the latter, it's definitely a big motivation for me to ctb. Everyone just thinks I'm crying wolf at this point.

 

[PleaseHelp82]

I have wanted to so I could prepare people. But if I did none of them would understand and I'd either end up in the psych hospital or I'd have somebody around me 24/7 and I'm not about that. But I feel like everyone would just be acting like they care when I know only a few will. People will say "oh he was so happy all the time" or "I never thought he would do that" and they will talk nice for a little bit and then talk shit. Unfortunately I live in a small town so everyone will hear about it. I kinda wish I lived in a big city so nobody would care.

I have an ex-friend who I was really close to but cut me out of his life after I came back from rehab after like 10 months being there for me through a lot of intense ideation episodes and hospitalizations. Maybe I'm missing something but I'm pretty sure that either means (a) he doesn't care if I die, or (b) he doesn't actually think I have the guts to do it. I really want to prove him wrong on the latter, it's definitely a big motivation for me to ctb. Everyone just thinks I'm crying wolf at this point.

I have a few people who I want to prove wrong. I've tried but failed before and people said it was just to get attention or so my partner wouldn't leave me, etc.

 

[Amidaa]

Tbh i do want to talk about it, but i don't really have anyone to talk about it beside myself in irl. and even if i do find someone to talk to about it i still think it don't really matters because there pov is way different then the peeps here. they would just ignore it or say you should change your mind set or go to a therapist. or be like you are overreacting. so yaah i do have the urge but i'm just so use to not telling how i trully feel or be open about stuff that it just stay in my own mind just sitting there wondering.

 

[ddn.ctb]

Yes and no
I have shared it with people I know who desire to CTB. They seem to understand your feelings and are not crazy about intervening in your decisions. Much better than talking to others who go from denial you are thinking that to shock to the sense they never heard you.

 

[Borderline]

I would never tell anyone about my plans. Why should I do that?

(SS is an exception)

 

[TheMetalhead]

Yeah I want to spill the beans. My friends know I'm suicidal and all that, but they don't know that I have any plans.
Texted goodbye to my friend once and he called the cops who saved me somehow, so I guess I can't tell anyone ;)

 

[SpiritualDeath]

It's understandable. It's sad that we live in such an anti-suicide society that if you really tell them it's more than likely that they'll strive to stop you.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have. I've basically told everyone here on SaSu who read any of my posts. Other than that, I have no one to tell, and even if I did, I'd have no desire to do that, as I don't wish to reach out for help.

 

[uniqueusername987]

Texted goodbye to my friend once and he called the cops who saved me somehow, so I guess I can't tell anyone ;)

This is why I'm schedule-sending my suicide notes for 2 days later lol.
I just wish I could see everyone's reactions to them when I do. It would be the one good thing about failing. I have one note in particular I'm tempted to send before I go. Former friend mentioned earlier who's hurt me a lot by cutting me out of his life. Last year I messaged him after he kept telling me he needed space over and over for like 2 months. I basically said "just tell me if you don't want to be friends anymore" so I could grieve the friendship and move on. He blocked me everywhere. That pissed me off enough to want to die. If he's as insensitive as he was last time it might just give me the guts to jump. But if he calls the cops I'm fucked.

 

[turntechGodhead]

i agree w this statement a lot it is just so thrilling thinking that i'll no longer deal w the torment from this world, that it will all be over eventually gives me so much excitement n as w ur situation i wish i could tell them all abt it which i kinda do in a joking manner like they r not aware i actually mean what i say n i try my best not to go overboard but it's hard to contain all that excitement

 

[zisouszi]

oh how many times have i wanted to… but when i thought about it twice, it came to me as a cry for help. im not crying for help, not anymore. we're way beyond that point. i see ctb as a journey's end. mine has not been the most tasteful. but i still do believe i get to chose my own end. i sometimes want to share my ctb ideas with my friends just because they'd know how i would do it. maybe they would lead me like "thats not very like you, maybe something less graphic?" maybe how i will do it. i dont know. i have no idea about anything. yet ignorance still isnt a bliss for me.

 

[SexyIncél]

I noticed this feeling too. I don't know why; maybe there's a biological reason

But maybe it's the desire to finally say true, important things. Without the usual bullshit. People on the cusp of nonexistence are probably into more cosmic truths

Which is maybe why it's helpful to stand on the cusp

 

[front of me]

There are 2200 people who commit suicide every day. I will be one of them. There is nothing special about me. I see that I will be forgotten if I tell them or not. Rather, there is a difference at all.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

i used to want it and i almost did once but once i realized what the reactions were i immediately regretted it, hated it and now im never doing that ever again

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Lol yeah but it def has repercussions (*cough* involuntary psych holds)

 

[Scythe]

Yea I've got this urge too, I just want to talk about suicide, not tell them my plans. Although...some of them are aware that I want out. I want to know my friend's opinions on suicide their opinion on my suicide, and do they accept my suicide as a better outcome than continuing life.

 

[whyamistillalive?]

There are 2200 people who commit suicide every day. I will be one of them. There is nothing special about me. I see that I will be forgotten if I tell them or not. Rather, there is a difference at all.

Exactly. There is nothing special about us all. It's not that we are not meant to be forgotten; rather, there is nothing fascinating or beautiful to remember. I agree with you, my friend. I will soon join those numbers and die amongst the thousands. The thought of being forgotten has never even scared me. Not one bit. I want to commit suicide soon. Maybe I'll try cutting myself today first.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't have the urge to tell anyone about my actual plans and my method (other than the SS community). That would be a serious threat to my plans. I may say "I kms" in a conversation without any further importance but that's it all.

 

[whyamistillalive?]

Sometimes I want to tell my partner just so it wouldn't come as a surprise, but I understand why it's a bad idea.

Lol. You have it bad. The best way to commit suicide is to die alone. In other words, die single. My advice, break up with your partner and then commit suicide. You will already be depressed enough from your break up and then it would give you a boost to kill yourself.

 

[Oncologynurz123]

every time I think about my mom and how i'll never see her again, I break down and start crying and I want to tell her about my plans so badly, that I bought a gun and I'm going to use it this week. but all that would do is put me back in the psych ward and my parents would make me move in with them so they could keep an eye on me and my situation wouldn't change at all, i'd still be as suicidal as I am now.

It makes me so frigging angry reading about people being forced into psych wards. That said, I hope you find peace. Please post here next week if you can, if you decide to wait.

 

[ctvunny]

In real life? Not anymore. I, once shared my struggles to a friend who I thought was the same as me and could stay quiet between us...but I felt betrayed when I learned they asked my others friends to "help me" because I was needing it. Definitely wont share again and maybe because they felt pressure with the plans that I told them? Still I do really regret it.

 

[bored2death]

i feel very strongly the need to tell someone i've found a way to go out peacefully. i want everyone else to know i'm no longer in distress. but, i know that they wont understand so i keep it to myself. that's why i'm so thankful for this outlet