LonelyStarrySky

LonelyStarrySky

they/them, menhera
Oct 27, 2023
78
I will be CTBing in the future but don't know when, I don't have a limit but I know that I never really planned to live past the age 25-30 it seems like that will be my limit if I ever reach it that is. I don't wanna grow old and face health problems and the decaying of my body and mind with everything, but who knows I might not even make it to 20 as it is going as of now
 
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cemetorium

cemetorium

Member
Oct 26, 2020
86
I don't have a definite limit, but I can't see myself getting any older than 30 (I'm 23, for reference)
 
Iris Blue

Iris Blue

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Oct 23, 2023
219
I bet waking up was an awful moment. Did you panic or anything? I once saw a documentary called 'When Anesthesia fails' and people recounted when it happened to them, feeling everything being done to them but being unable to say anything.

I also had to have two surgeries a couple of years ago. It was around the time I realised I wanted to die but the first one I was still scared about it going wrong. Apparently everything in that first one went as they expected, raised heart rate, blood pressure and so on.
When I had the second one, (which actually turned out to be a waste of time because they said their was a cancerous polyp left behind from the first. but it wasn't there during the second one), I was about to start getting dressed and a nurse came up to me saying they just wanted to check everything again. She looked at the machines and I asked if anything was wrong. She said all through the surgery, my readings stayed stable, and none of them had ever witnessed that before. I never told her that I had secretly hoped something would go wrong so I would die this time. I'd pre-agreed to a blood transfusion but I felt I was ready to shout that I I retracted my agreement if something went wrong.
Wow I'm sure that was super frustrating your second surgery being for nothing I couldn't even imagine!

Thankfully when I woke up in the middle of my wisdom tooth surgery it wasn't for too long and I don't think they were drilling anything at the moment. I just remember waking up with everyone around me and one of the nurses holding my hand and me just trying to look around and squeeze her hand to let them know I was awake. And when they saw me they just told me they were going to give me more anesthetics. During those times I did a lot of weed, I did stop for a certain time before the surgery but I wonder if that had to do with me waking up.
 
cyandude

cyandude

T-x days left... -.-
Nov 4, 2023
63
Sorry if there were previous threads already like this

For me it's always been 23 (even when I was around 15), and my 23 bday is coming up next year so I guess my assumptions were true
It kinda feels like a prophecy doesn't it? The age I always thought I would die before since I was 10 is 20 years old. I am now 19, and plan to CTB by the end of the year, two months before my birthday. Wacko
 
Iris Blue

Iris Blue

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Oct 23, 2023
219
It kinda feels like a prophecy doesn't it? The age I always thought I would die before since I was 10 is 20 years old. I am now 19, and plan to CTB by the end of the year, two months before my birthday. Wacko
Yes me too I've always thought of the age 23 and I do plan to end it a few months before my bday too and I've always thought about that number even at like age 15
 

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