Discussion Anyone having one last thing to try (to get better) before final ctb?

[_Minsk]

hi there:) has someone also one thing they want to try before committing to ctb? it seems like im finally able (financially) to take a trip to peru, trying ayahuasca. hope it can heal me. but if it doesnt work im 100% committed to ctb. it feels like a little bit of weight has been pulled from my shoulders, since my plan is now the only thing i have to take care of. prior that time i was ready to ctb but i felt like i need to at least try the alternative of ayahuasca, i also wanted to have this experience anyways since childhood. having that plan also adds to my list of the things i want to experience/enjoy before ctb. i will definitely share my experience in the off topic section, especially if it cured me or showed me anything worth sharing. i think this plan now gives me more peace, my mind feels more calm, at the end i can go in peace, without feeling i'm sabotaging myself and ctb attempt. quite a bit of pressure is gone now, at the end its no longer about me but the experience and if it can give me a healed life which is worth living. at least for now, this current life im living is not worth it at all, constant pain and mental health issues.. sorry for repeating myself in this post. couldnt find a place to share this, are here also some who have/had a similar plan of trying one last thing before being ready for ctb?
edit: just found this on reddit, i really want to try it before ctb.

 

[Emily123]

Yes. i want to do more surgeries on my face .Some parts of my face was destroyed by a Mexican surgeon and the damage is irreversible but i still try to change the overall looking by doing surgeries on other parts . Unfortunately I can not travel overseas now for the coronavirus crisis . it's so disappointing

 

[Georgii]

Definitely keep us updated , the ayahuasca experience does seem interesting .
Glad you found something to hold on and the determination to go and try at least .
It's not an easy process, with money and traveling in this period but I hope this experience will give you what you need.

I had a lot of things passing my mind , things to try and do before I CTB that might change my perspective .Not many seemed doable (for me) so I'm stuck doing small things here and there for temporary comfort .But it's more like a checklist before CBT rather than actually changing my mind .

 

[Emily123]

Definitely keep us updated , the ayahuasca experience does seem interesting .
Glad you found something to hold on and the determination to go and try at least .
It's not an easy process, with money and traveling in this period but I hope this experience will give you what you need.

I had a lot of things passing my mind , things to try and do before I CTB that might change my perspective .Not many seemed doable (for me) so I'm stuck doing small things here and there for temporary comfort .But it's more like a checklist before CBT rather than actually changing my mind .

sometimes small things make a big difference . I think we need to take any opportunity which can possibly improve our lives before ctb

 

[TAW122]

Nothing much really, I do wish to fulfill my fantasy or dream I have with my ladyfriend, but that's just very unlikely to happen. It would be another reason on top of my existing reasons to CTB (though not the main one).

 

[SunInTheShade9]

I believe ever effort is worth it. I hope you're able to make that trip. Sending you lots of love and positive energy, OP.
Xo

 

[FranCanSee]

At the moment, I don't think about anything. I'm sure my only alternative is CTB. Wish you a good trip and experience.

 

[muffin222]

I've been actively trying to recover for the past month and a half. I took a break from the forum to support my recovery. I've been eating healthier, exercising daily, meditating, sitting outside in nature, focusing on my goals and interests, and actively trying to maintain hope and direction. Honestly, I'm still suicidal, and I don't feel "better" per se, but I'm more emotionally stable than I was before. It's a tiring uphill battle, but I'm going to continue fighting it for the time being.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I want to get my Bachelor's. I really like studying computer science so I wanna take some cool classes before I ctb. Also my family really wants to see me graduate so I dont wanna let them down.

I'm going to try out my uni's counselling services once school starts this fall. I'm hoping it works and maybe I'll look back and think I was so silly for wanting to ctb. Maybe Ill make friends and have a great time in uni, who knows? But my mental illness has been really persistent so I'm very doubtful. All of my therapists have suggested that I try out meds so I will also give that a shot, too, but Im very doubtful they will work.

 

[HeavyOne]

@_Minsk That sounds amazing! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn something new! I have never heard of it...I'm greedly reading to fill the gap!
About me... I want to graduate and enroll for an LLM. I need to make a small steps and sense if anything changes.
I want to take a couple of Vipassana corses, last time it has been a lifesaver to me. I just struggle to get out in this period...

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

I really am not in a position to make such a wonderful trip like that, though I'm glad to hear you are, @_Minsk. I'd love to hear updates as well and live vicariously through you. I'll have to keep an eye out for that. I have a friend who came to my country from Paraguay and we've talked about going to the Amazon rainforest together and maybe trying ayahuasca. Not sure that's realistic though since we're both physically lame, lol.

For myself, just keep trying to improve little things in my life, and doing some of the I've always wanted to do, hoping that they add up to something. Currently, I've been learning how to fish so I can start getting outside and feel connected to nature again. I practically lived outside as a kid, but my mental and physical health and living situation has me trapped indoors all the time now.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Getting my own home. I have always wanted my own little modest home on some land in a peaceful setting. I have some financial help now to possibly achieve this goal but covid destroyed this because houses are going so fast with cash offers and there is low supply but high demand. It's pretty bleak and hopeless.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

To get better? I don't know. I'd like to see a psychiatrist. I have had counseling since I was 19. It helped back then. But for various reasons, I really can't right now. I would want to be completely honest, otherwise it wouldn't be helpful. And being completely honest would have me in a psych ward.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

Getting my own home. I have always wanted my own little modest home on some land in a peaceful setting. I have some financial help now to possibly achieve this goal but covid destroyed this because houses are going so fast with cash offers and there is low supply but high demand. It's pretty bleak and hopeless.

Would it be an option for you to buy land and then build? That's what my dad and I are talking about doing since I can't afford any decent quality of life on my own and he's willing to finance building a small duplex-style situation so we have separate spaces for us in a decent enough rural area. There are so many nice prefab homes you can get at an affordable price if you want to make things easier on yourself. I'm admittedly just beginning down this path and dont know much, but I thought I'd throw that out there.

 

[Brianiskillingme]

If my current relationship fails, then I am done. My husband died in 2015 and left me a mess. This is another chance, final chance. I got my SN and ready if things go to shit.

 

[Niko66]

I want to cuddle someone close to me, feeling safe and warm before I die. Doesn't seem like it will happen though.