Anyone have high functioning autism, extreme brain fog, memory problems, been on Prednisone, or undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder ruin their life?

[Why Me?]

I can't retain information and pass tests in college. I can't smoothly/safely drive a car. My brain has no GPS, I can go somewhere 100 times, and still not remember how to get there. My social skills are attacked by anxiety. Trauma from abuse made my life even worse. I don't work. Crisis & poverty has consumed my life and health. at this point, if nothing changes, I give myself a year.

 

[Life_and_Death]

memory problems caused by other things (bpd, weed, dpdr). and yes. i had to stop reading, studying. conversations became worse. its embarrassing to constantly have to ask when previous things are mentioned

 

[Why Me?]

memory problems caused by other things (bpd, weed, dpdr). and yes. i had to stop reading, studying. conversations became worse. its embarrassing to constantly have to ask when previous things are mentioned

Sorry to hear you've had to deal with this. Has this affected your ability to get or keep a job?

 

[FuneralCry]

I have high functioning autism and I guess that it could be part of the reason as to why living has always been suffering for me. I am simply not meant to exist in every single way.

 

[Why Me?]

I have high functioning autism and I guess that it could be part of the reason as to why living has always been suffering for me. I am simply not meant to exist in every single way.

Thanks for sharing. There needs to be more awareness about this. I believe I have the same thing. It's terrible when people have normal standards for everyone, when everyone is not normal. How is a child or teenager supposed to know something is wrong with them? Doctors should ask questions.

 

[Wilting Daisy]

Yes.
I have to read the back of the bag on how to make something as simple as rice (a 3-step process... or is it 4??) every. single. time!
And it's not just rice, although I wish it was.

 

[Why Me?]

Yes.
I have to read the back of the bag on how to make something as simple as rice (a 3-step process... or is it 4??) every. single. time!
And it's not just rice, although I wish it was.

Sorry to hear that. The only thing that helped my memory once was when I was able to work out, because I was taking special expensive nutrients, and eating healthy, but it only lasted for 6 months because I ran out of money.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Sorry to hear you've had to deal with this. Has this affected your ability to get or keep a job?

no. its greatly slowed down my learning so i might have a little more difficulty figuring it out, but once i have it im fine.
this is only really an answer for general things though because i have a "safety net" as far as work is concerned. i dont legally have a job (on paper the government doesnt know i work) my husband is the one with the job and i just help him.

 

[Why Me?]

no. its greatly slowed down my learning so i might have a little more difficulty figuring it out, but once i have it im fine.
this is only really an answer for general things though because i have a "safety net" as far as work is concerned. i dont legally have a job (on paper the government doesnt know i work) my husband is the one with the job and i just help him.

That's good you found a way to manage. I have to write everything down for reference, I believe I also have cognitive brain problems, so some things I just cannot grasp no matter what. I've tried entrepreneurship, but only had 1 success after so many years, and that didn't last long.

 

[Life_and_Death]

That's good you found a way to manage. I have to write everything down for reference, I believe I also have cognitive brain problems, so some things I just cannot grasp no matter what. I've tried entrepreneurship, but only had 1 success after so many years, and that didn't last long.

im not sure id call it "managed" i have notepads everywhere for the same purpose, typically i write it on my hand/wrist lol. i just have to reread/redo it several times before it sticks.
may i ask what you have trouble grasping? i find im more of a hands on person. a really good example is computers. i can put the hardware together without a problem. but the numbers, software anything else is a lot more difficult

 

[Why Me?]

im not sure id call it "managed" i have notepads everywhere for the same purpose, typically i write it on my hand/wrist lol. i just have to reread/redo it several times before it sticks.
may i ask what you have trouble grasping? i find im more of a hands on person. a really good example is computers. i can put the hardware together without a problem. but the numbers, software anything else is a lot more difficult

I worked at a travel company once, and could not grasp the vacations/car packages that customers wanted to put together, it was bizzare. Real estate was hard for me to understand when I tried to study it. It's like I don't have the intelligent awareness for certain things.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I worked at a travel company once, and could not grasp the vacations/car packages that customers wanted to put together, it was bizzare. Real estate was hard for me to understand when I tried to study it. It's like I don't have the intelligent awareness for certain things.

can you think of anything that youre good at? things that maybe dont cause as much of a struggle? not work, just anything

 

[Why Me?]

can you think of anything that youre good at? things that maybe dont cause as much of a struggle? not work, just anything

I don't have any special talents or skills that I can think of. I've had 3 customer service jobs, only 1 I was able to do, but it put my soul in torture, and as soon as I was comfortable enough, they "promoted" me where they wanted me to call people and "sales attack them" so I quit. That job paid $12/hour and was over 10 years ago. There are at home customer service jobs that I may be able to get for like $15/$16 an hour, but I don't think I could keep those jobs if I was to even get one. I'm 41 and exhausted, and I need to use the bathroom alot because of medical problems.

I'm trying to see if I can launch a youtube channel but that takes alot of time, and consistent effort.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm sure there are a lot of things that we can all do, but will they pay a livable wage especially when you don't have a college degree? No.

those things specifically, maybe not. but i was trying to get a general idea of what you can do

 

[Iblitan]

I'm in a similar situation. Just 24/7 brain fog that gets really severe at the end of the day. I believe the cause to be my neck. I'm supposed to go to a demanding college in a month or so. It feels really shitty because if I dont ace it I will slip into poverty. I live in a 3rd world country and there aren't any doctors that will help.I really wanted to leave the hellhole I am living in and immigrate. I feel really stuck and I really am afraid I wont be able to ctb(was too fat to hang myself). Everyday I wish I was never born. It's going to get way worse and I don't know what to do.

 

[Why Me?]

I'm in a similar situation. Just 24/7 brain fog that gets really severe at the end of the day. I believe the cause to be my neck. I'm supposed to go to a demanding college in a month or so. It feels really shitty because if I dont ace it I will slip into poverty. I live in a 3rd world country and there aren't any doctors that will help.I really wanted to leave the hellhole I am living in and immigrate. I feel really stuck and I really am afraid I wont be able to ctb(was too fat to hang myself). Everyday I wish I was never born. It's going to get way worse and I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry that you are going thru this. Have you tried eating healthy & excercising to get rid of some of the brain fog? Maybe it can help. I've been wishing I was never born too.

 

[Winterreise]

I have all these things, except the drug you mentioned.

My brain cleared quite a bit when reducing sugar intake.

 

[Why Me?]

I have all these things, except the drug you mentioned.

My brain cleared quite a bit when reducing sugar intake.

I have an addiction to sugar, and it's the only thing that makes me feel better especially in this terrible depression. I know I should stop it, it has destroyed my dental too. I've stopped it in the past, it's just harder when I don't have the money to eat healthy & fulfilling meals. Hopefully, things will get better so I can stop sugar, because I know it can cause brain fog, and I will feel better without it.

 

[bigtiredoflife]

I feel you OP. All my life I've felt different from most people. I'm 28, diagnosed with adhd but also feel like I've been living undiagnosed as someone with Asperger's. I had a high paying job as a property manager but took a pay cut to move into a more trade industry. I'm still pretty new to it all, but I was talking with one of our 23 year old new hires. He knows a lot, was an electrician/construction foreman, and possibly has a baby on the way. I haven't seriously dated anyone in 3 years, always feel more immature than my peers, and have become an alcoholic mess due to stress and shit from my last job. Despite having guns and a history of aborted hanging attempts I still have trouble following through.

I empathize with you; being neurodivergent is torture, partly because people don't really realize how debilitating it can be and it makes you feel like you're trapped in a prison of your mind

 

[Why Me?]

I feel you OP. All my life I've felt different from most people. I'm 28, diagnosed with adhd but also feel like I've been living undiagnosed as someone with Asperger's. I had a high paying job as a property manager but took a pay cut to move into a more trade industry. I'm still pretty new to it all, but I was talking with one of our 23 year old new hires. He knows a lot, was an electrician/construction foreman, and possibly has a baby on the way. I haven't seriously dated anyone in 3 years, always feel more immature than my peers, and have become an alcoholic mess due to stress and shit from my last job. Despite having guns and a history of aborted hanging attempts I still have trouble following through.

I empathize with you; being neurodivergent is torture, partly because people don't really realize how debilitating it can be and it makes you feel like you're trapped in a prison of your mind

Thanks for empathizing. They say Asperger's is a term that is no longer used but it seemed to be defined a little differently than autism, even though it's now referred to as autism. My symptoms look more like Asperger's than high functioning autism from what I read, but no one is supposed to use the term Asperger's anymore because it's outdated. The thing is, I ended up manic & majorly depressed from trauma/abuse with no guidance on how to be independent, so it made my life even worse. It seems like your still able to live an independent life, so that's good. I hope things get better for you.

 

[bigtiredoflife]

Thanks for empathizing. They say Asperger's is a term that is no longer used but it seemed to be defined a little differently than autism, even though it's now referred to as autism. My symptoms look more like Asperger's than high functioning autism from what I read, but no one is supposed to use the term Asperger's anymore because it's outdated. The thing is, I ended up manic & majorly depressed from trauma/abuse with no guidance on how to be independent, so it made my life even worse. It seems like your still able to live an independent life, so that's good. I hope things get better for you.

Things won't really get better for me but I appreciate your belief in it. If there's any advice I can offer, it's to make friends with other people who have Asperger's. They'll be able to relate. As for the abuse, my heart goes out to you. My mother neglected my mental health because she believed more on Jesus and the Bible as cures. I'm sure it's not comparable to what you're going through, but all of us here on SS hope that you find your peace in this life or the next. Fuck people that abuse their own children

If there's any advice on basics of adulthood I might be able to offer, please let me know. I might be a pathetic failure, but all my bills are paid and I'm a good boy in the eyes of the law.

 

[The Abyss]

Yeah Asperger's, not diagnosed until 33 but always felt like an alien, couldn't fit in like others. Grew up poor, dropped out of school, parents met in a psyche ward, was bullied for being white in a highly ethnic environment, no extended family support, never learnt any usable skills from parents, neither drove so had to learn that from scratch, never been overseas, don't understand the culture of this country much as I wasn't born into a typical environment, never had a relationship lead anywhere. I live the life of a hermit as it's simply easier & ppl just gotta fuck with ya if you're perceived as bottom of the social ladder.

With all of that said the thing driving me towards death by my own hand is the physical pain I'm in every day from arm pain with no diagnosis, it's worse than all the other shit ngl.

Not much else to say.

 

[WednesdaysChild]

I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's (among other things) till late in life.

Back when I was growing up, there was no such thing and parents were so worried about their children being perfect for the sake of society and social status, there wasn't any seeking out help for their child's strange behavior and reactions. One second you're their strange and peculiar little genius and the next, they're taking you off to the public restroom or out to the car to beat the hell out of you, because they can't understand why you're freaking out due to auditory and visual stimulation overload.

From that early springboard, I have struggled, fumbled and tripped throughout the majority of my life in every aspect of life. School and college was a struggle throughout. Overall, I hated going to school and taking classes. If the subject was something I was interested in, then I would do well and achieve high marks. If I wasn't interested in the subject, I could barely get a D by the skin of my teeth. Sadly, there weren't many classes being offered on subjects like the complete history of Indira Gandhi or the weather patterns of Chicken, Alaska... Grown tired of people not understanding me and getting frustrated with me, and some, giving me threatening (A) or (B) choices/alternatives/options due to my lack of emotion. The other way around, me trying my utmost to mirror and predict responses, actions and reactions of people and not really ever having a clue or truly feeling anything -- always felt like an alien infiltrating otherworldly species. I've had a few encounters (relationships, as others call them), but none ever panned out or lasted that long, because I never minded or cared about walking away. I even gave the old college try and had children -- the worst thing I've ever done. I had absolutely no business having children. I wasn't mentally and/or emotionally equipped to deal with adults, where or how I ever thought or believed I was mentally and emotionally equipped enough to deal with children -- no idea. Never kept friends, because I enjoyed my solitude and silence too much. Had a slew of jobs, but either I grew bored or grew frustrated and got fired. Turns out there aren't too many bosses that appreciate blunt employees.

Being diagnosed with Asperger's answered a lot of my questions about how I've been throughout my life, but its of little to no comfort. It does me no good now. Not at my age. The cherry on top is that I now have white matter brain disease. So, I can't remember yesterday and whether I wore pants to the mailbox, or when and if I've eaten in the past couple days, or wake up in an panic, because I don't remember living here in the house I've lived in for (what I'm told) five years, but I can sure as fu@k tell you exactly what Kenny A. was wearing the day I beat the hell out of him with my umbrella when I was eight years old.

The only positive part of my life has been animals and art. Animals accept me exactly the way I am and they're okay with that. And art gives me an outlet to express myself. I'm a surly recluse and I probably won't remember writing this post, but I still have those two perks.

 

[Why Me?]

I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's (among other things) till late in life.

Back when I was growing up, there was no such thing and parents were so worried about their children being perfect for the sake of society and social status, there wasn't any seeking out help for their child's strange behavior and reactions. One second you're their strange and peculiar little genius and the next, they're taking you off to the public restroom or out to the car to beat the hell out of you, because they can't understand why you're freaking out due to auditory and visual stimulation overload.

From that early springboard, I have struggled, fumbled and tripped throughout the majority of my life in every aspect of life. School and college was a struggle throughout. Overall, I hated going to school and taking classes. If the subject was something I was interested in, then I would do well and achieve high marks. If I wasn't interested in the subject, I could barely get a D by the skin of my teeth. Sadly, there weren't many classes being offered on subjects like the complete history of Indira Gandhi or the weather patterns of Chicken, Alaska... Grown tired of people not understanding me and getting frustrated with me, and some, giving me threatening (A) or (B) choices/alternatives/options due to my lack of emotion. The other way around, me trying my utmost to mirror and predict responses, actions and reactions of people and not really ever having a clue or truly feeling anything -- always felt like an alien infiltrating otherworldly species. I've had a few encounters (relationships, as others call them), but none ever panned out or lasted that long, because I never minded or cared about walking away. I even gave the old college try and had children -- the worst thing I've ever done. I had absolutely no business having children. I wasn't mentally and/or emotionally equipped to deal with adults, where or how I ever thought or believed I was mentally and emotionally equipped enough to deal with children -- no idea. Never kept friends, because I enjoyed my solitude and silence too much. Had a slew of jobs, but either I grew bored or grew frustrated and got fired. Turns out there aren't too many bosses that appreciate blunt employees.

Being diagnosed with Asperger's answered a lot of my questions about how I've been throughout my life, but its of little to no comfort. It does me no good now. Not at my age. The cherry on top is that I now have white matter brain disease. So, I can't remember yesterday and whether I wore pants to the mailbox, or when and if I've eaten in the past couple days, or wake up in an panic, because I don't remember living here in the house I've lived in for (what I'm told) five years, but I can sure as fu@k tell you exactly what Kenny A. was wearing the day I beat the hell out of him with my umbrella when I was eight years old.

The only positive part of my life has been animals and art. Animals accept me exactly the way I am and they're okay with that. And art gives me an outlet to express myself. I'm a surly recluse and I probably won't remember writing this post, but I still have those two perks.

Thank you for sharing your story. There were some things in there that I can relate to. I hope things change so that all children can get an early diagnosis with support and better yet a cure. Nobody should have to be born with these issues.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

Sorry to hear about your suffering... I understand how does it feel to be different, having to live in difficult or critical mode rather than easy or normal mode (sorry, made a Kingdom Hearts reference to break the ice).

In my case... It was the opposite, being misdiagnosed with Asperger's pretty much ruined my life. PD: I don't mean to be disrespectful towards you or others, I swear upon my life. Instead, I will share some parts of what happened and how it drove me to suicide.
Honestly... Maybe I do truly have it, or perhaps it may be ADHD, but at this point it doesn't really matter, for the damage was done. I truly learned the meaning of living hell back in 2.017, as nearly everything I built was destroyed...

My mistake was telling everyone I knew about it, and eventually... Most people began to treat me like this:
— With unnatural, forced kindness (saw grimaces or signs of them being uncomfortable in their faces), speaking to me in a low, cooing tone (same way as a child), always saying that I'm kind, perfect, pure, and that I get along with everyone (which is not true actually, in total I have 41 Enemies and/or people I don't get along with), or that everyone cares about me...
— The creation of an unbreakable boundary, so that I'll always be either a classmate and/or acquaintance, but nothing more... If I tried to reach out to them I was either left in seen, just given a very short, cutting reply, or they only talked to me when we had to be in the same place (so they couldn't avoid me anymore).
— Got grades I didn't deserve at college (higher ones, had to tell teachers I didn't want that pity), as well as not being taken seriously, or thinking I'm a child rather than an adult...

In a nutshell, this quote from Bojack Horseman sums it up: "everybody loves you, but nobody likes you".

Among the consequences I got were isolating myself to cope with the pain, the only two college friends I made snapping at me and bullying me because my way of being pissed them off, but I know they were partly right, as I failed them in some contexts as well, beginning to self-harm, deactivating Facebook and realizing I would never have a normal life, losing other friendships I had (to the point I thought I had only 3-4 left)... Honestly, if those rumors get in a future workplace of mine, and I get treated like that there, it would break me... In college I only have one casual friendship, which I'm thankful for, unlike everyone else... Think I'm the only person who doesn't belong into a college group or has at least one close friendship...

Tried to kill myself last year because I couldn't cope with so much indifference, realizing my mistake was so high that I couldn't escape from it... And I'm afraid someday I will try again, but this time with a more lethal method... Will graduate college by my own, and as soon as I get my graduation diploma I will get away, because I don't want to make a fool of myself by crying out of sadness and envy as I see everyone else having made friendships for life (in some cases), and/or getting fake encouragement words from people I will likely never see again...

 

[KlMeNw]

Sorry to hear that. The only thing that helped my memory once was when I was able to work out, because I was taking special expensive nutrients, and eating healthy, but it only lasted for 6 months because I ran out of money.

WHAT WERE THE NUTRIENTS?

 

[Zegers]

Not being healthy and have not a good family screws up your life, at least that's the case for me.

 

[chocolatebar]

I've been diagnosed in the autism spectrum and I can say that it impacted severely my life. I have a lot of trouble with some supposedly simple things, especially when they involve social interactions. I can act "normally", but it drains too much energy from me and I end the day in such a state that i can't do anything, even relax. When I have to go out and do these things, it's like my day had less than 24 hours. Even when doing the things I'm good at, I can perform poorly and become stressed simply if someone stands close to me, invading my space.

Another problem I face is when I'm talking to someone, either verbally or by text, and, at some moment, the person feels like I have been "blunt" or mildly aggressive. I never do this on purpose and I still don't know a way not to make people feel hurt occasionally. I hate it.

Now i'm curious about this brain fog thing. I suffer a lot from it at some moments, but I never thought it could be related to autism. Do you all experience it?

 

[Hollowillow]

I can't retain information and pass tests in college. I can't smoothly/safely drive a car. My brain has no GPS, I can go somewhere 100 times, and still not remember how to get there. My social skills are attacked by anxiety. Trauma from abuse made my life even worse. I don't work. Crisis & poverty has consumed my life and health. at this point, if nothing changes, I give myself a year.

Autism is fancy talk for brain damage. Fog sounds like poison, allergies, lack of nutrition or sleep.

I used b vitamins to improve my brain damage. Sugar, grains, additives... Are poison. Almost died from a cleaner...

I only trust living foods. Greens & meat. And cheese because there is morphine in it.

 

[Why Me?]

Sorry to hear about your suffering... I understand how does it feel to be different, having to live in difficult or critical mode rather than easy or normal mode (sorry, made a Kingdom Hearts reference to break the ice).

In my case... It was the opposite, being misdiagnosed with Asperger's pretty much ruined my life. PD: I don't mean to be disrespectful towards you or others, I swear upon my life. Instead, I will share some parts of what happened and how it drove me to suicide.
Honestly... Maybe I do truly have it, or perhaps it may be ADHD, but at this point it doesn't really matter, for the damage was done. I truly learned the meaning of living hell back in 2.017, as nearly everything I built was destroyed...

My mistake was telling everyone I knew about it, and eventually... Most people began to treat me like this:
— With unnatural, forced kindness (saw grimaces or signs of them being uncomfortable in their faces), speaking to me in a low, cooing tone (same way as a child), always saying that I'm kind, perfect, pure, and that I get along with everyone (which is not true actually, in total I have 41 Enemies and/or people I don't get along with), or that everyone cares about me...
— The creation of an unbreakable boundary, so that I'll always be either a classmate and/or acquaintance, but nothing more... If I tried to reach out to them I was either left in seen, just given a very short, cutting reply, or they only talked to me when we had to be in the same place (so they couldn't avoid me anymore).
— Got grades I didn't deserve at college (higher ones, had to tell teachers I didn't want that pity), as well as not being taken seriously, or thinking I'm a child rather than an adult...

In a nutshell, this quote from Bojack Horseman sums it up: "everybody loves you, but nobody likes you".

Among the consequences I got were isolating myself to cope with the pain, the only two college friends I made snapping at me and bullying me because my way of being pissed them off, but I know they were partly right, as I failed them in some contexts as well, beginning to self-harm, deactivating Facebook and realizing I would never have a normal life, losing other friendships I had (to the point I thought I had only 3-4 left)... Honestly, if those rumors get in a future workplace of mine, and I get treated like that there, it would break me... In college I only have one casual friendship, which I'm thankful for, unlike everyone else... Think I'm the only person who doesn't belong into a college group or has at least one close friendship...

Tried to kill myself last year because I couldn't cope with so much indifference, realizing my mistake was so high that I couldn't escape from it... And I'm afraid someday I will try again, but this time with a more lethal method... Will graduate college by my own, and as soon as I get my graduation diploma I will get away, because I don't want to make a fool of myself by crying out of sadness and envy as I see everyone else having made friendships for life (in some cases), and/or getting fake encouragement words from people I will likely never see again...

Sorry to hear what you've gone thru. Your story brings insight to what can happen when people sense you are different. I hope you can focus on the positive and still live a good life. You've been doing much better than me.

WHAT WERE THE NUTRIENTS?

Glyconutrients, and phytonutrients.

I've been diagnosed in the autism spectrum and I can say that it impacted severely my life. I have a lot of trouble with some supposedly simple things, especially when they involve social interactions. I can act "normally", but it drains too much energy from me and I end the day in such a state that i can't do anything, even relax. When I have to go out and do these things, it's like my day had less than 24 hours. Even when doing the things I'm good at, I can perform poorly and become stressed simply if someone stands close to me, invading my space.

Another problem I face is when I'm talking to someone, either verbally or by text, and, at some moment, the person feels like I have been "blunt" or mildly aggressive. I never do this on purpose and I still don't know a way not to make people feel hurt occasionally. I hate it.

Now i'm curious about this brain fog thing. I suffer a lot from it at some moments, but I never thought it could be related to autism. Do you all experience it?

Thanks for sharing. Being blunt or mildly aggressive mixed with sarcasm was a problem for me when I tried to make friends, other than that I was completely shy. This was disasterous for me when I spent time at college before quitting. I have different issues that include medical problems & and a lifetime of a poor diet which may contribute greatly to the brain fog, so I don't think it's just the autism (undiagnosed).

Autism is fancy talk for brain damage. Fog sounds like poison, allergies, lack of nutrition or sleep.

I used b vitamins to improve my brain damage. Sugar, grains, additives... Are poison. Almost died from a cleaner...

I only trust living foods. Greens & meat. And cheese because there is morphine in it.

I agree with this. I have a sugar addiction, and have had a terrible diet practically all my life. Depression & poverty makes it hard to get out of it, but I have tried. Taking regular vitamins have had little effect, and make me sick with vertigo. Vertigo is a big problem for me.

Yeah Asperger's, not diagnosed until 33 but always felt like an alien, couldn't fit in like others. Grew up poor, dropped out of school, parents met in a psyche ward, was bullied for being white in a highly ethnic environment, no extended family support, never learnt any usable skills from parents, neither drove so had to learn that from scratch, never been overseas, don't understand the culture of this country much as I wasn't born into a typical environment, never had a relationship lead anywhere. I live the life of a hermit as it's simply easier & ppl just gotta fuck with ya if you're perceived as bottom of the social ladder.

With all of that said the thing driving me towards death by my own hand is the physical pain I'm in every day from arm pain with no diagnosis, it's worse than all the other shit ngl.

Not much else to say.

I'm sorry for your suffering. Thanks for sharing. Both my parents were psychos, but were still able to have a middle class life, even as immigrants. I'm not surprised I ended up with brain problems, but my 2 sisters did not, and they were very evil. I was bullied by my mother and sisters. I was neglected, slandered, and sabatoged. So much drama, plus I had medical problems. Never had more than 1-2 friends. I had lack of self care, but people rather mock me then help me. I'm so depressed now, I can barely move.