Anyone got things going good for them and feel guilty about wanting to ctb?

[WitheringAway]

Seeing people here in a complete despair and a dire need to ctb ASAP makes me feel guilty about wanting to ctb. I feel like I don't deserve that kind of privilege since I still have a "chance" by most people's standards I'm not a hopeless case. Im thankful for the good things that I have in life that most people around me don't. I don't have a current reason to want to die except the robotic shallow existence that I feel. And the past haunts me; I can't let go. Just want to kill myself so I don't have to think about it. Have nothing of substance/significance going for me that makes me want to stay alive for. How do people in terrible circumstances keep going?. I feel like suicide is rather a rational thing; am I enlightened or delusional? I don't know all I know is I wish I had a friend who knew all this about me. Everyone thinks I got my life together and I'm a happy person... only if they knew the kind of war that I battle in my mind everyday....

 

[Celerity]

Don't feel guilty. You have the right to take your life for any reason whatsoever. It's your life. You don't owe people shit.

That said, I'm glad there's hope for you. Aside from some of the more misanthropic assholes on here, I think it's safe to assume most on here are rooting for you. I hope you escape and make a life for yourself. It may be too late to for many of us, but that doesn't mean it has to be that way for you.

 

[WitheringAway]

at this point I wish I die a natural death soon so I don't disappoint the only person that counts on me. I feel like I owe this person. But at the same time I feel like I owe myself the courage to end my everyday suffering from being constantly tormented by the past. It's hard to explain the conflicting thoughts and feelings I struggle with every single day. I can't live like this. Can't escape it.

 

[Celerity]

at this point I wish I die a natural death soon so I don't disappoint the only person that counts on me. I feel like I owe this person. But at the same time I feel like I owe myself the courage to end my everyday suffering from being constantly tormented by the past. It's hard to explain the conflicting thoughts and feelings I struggle with every single day. I can't live like this. Can't escape it.

Who do you think you owe?

 

[Alwaysdreaming]

Seeing people here in a complete despair and a dire need to ctb ASAP makes me feel guilty about wanting to ctb. I feel like I don't deserve that kind of privilege since I still have a "chance" by most people's standards I'm not a hopeless case. Im thankful for the good things that I have in life that most people around me don't. I don't have a current reason to want to die except the robotic shallow existence that I feel. And the past haunts me; I can't let go. Just want to kill myself so I don't have to think about it. Have nothing of substance/significance going for me that makes me want to stay alive for. How do people in terrible circumstances keep going?. I feel like suicide is rather a rational thing; am I enlightened or delusional? I don't know all I know is I wish I had a friend who knew all this about me. Everyone thinks I got my life together and I'm a happy person... only if they knew the kind of war that I battle in my mind everyday....

Everything you just said is what I have been feeling. The last few days I have been crying, feeling a great deal of guilt. Life honestly isn't that bad right now, despite some very stressful things that happened last week. The problem is I'm incredibly exhausted dealing with my mental health and life. Life is hard enough and to add health issues physical or mental just makes things so much harder. I can very likely make a pretty decent life for my self in the future. I know life can be worth living. This world is beautiful, chaotic, and full of possibilities. Sadly I just don't find the fight worth it. Constantly juggling the past, present, and the future is overwhelming. Even when things are going well and I feel pretty good I still have this feeling that I would rather be dead. Right now I'm too emotional and not thinking clearly. I have already made an appointment with a step down psych facility. My goal is to clear my mind so I can make a more rational decision. Regardless how I feel when I leave there I plan to come face to face with my mortality.

You're post hit me really hard and I thank you for that. I truly hope you find the answers you are looking for.

 

[FuneralCry]

You shouldn't feel guilty, just because others have it worse doesn't mean you are not suffering. I think a right to die should be a basic human right, we didn't ask to exist so it isn't like we have an obligation to stay alive. Existing really can be painful. I wish you well.

 

[WitheringAway]

Who do you think you owe?

My sick mother.

Everything you just said is what I have been feeling. The last few days I have been crying, feeling a great deal of guilt. Life honestly isn't that bad right now, despite some very stressful things that happened last week. The problem is I'm incredibly exhausted dealing with my mental health and life. Life is hard enough and to add health issues physical or mental just makes things so much harder. I can very likely make a pretty decent life for my self in the future. I know life can be worth living. This world is beautiful, chaotic, and full of possibilities. Sadly I just don't find the fight worth it. Constantly juggling the past, present, and the future is overwhelming. Even when things are going well and I feel pretty good I still have this feeling that I would rather be dead. Right now I'm too emotional and not thinking clearly. I have already made an appointment with a step down psych facility. My goal is to clear my mind so I can make a more rational decision. Regardless how I feel when I leave there I plan to come face to face with my mortality.

You're post hit me really hard and I thank you for that. I truly hope you find the answers you are looking for.

And everything you said makes perfect sense to me. It gets overwhelming to keep pushing yourself when you just can't find somethings worth fighting for. I'm glad you've taken steps to figure things out at that psych facility before making your decision. For me, I've taken some necessary measures to reevaluate my mental health but my views have always been the same.. it gets more difficult everyday.

 

[ph0enix]

yes