I reckon I'm pretty much exactly the same way. Escapism was the only way I knew how to cope ever since childhood. It can still be effective but only in small doses and usually accompanied by some kind of drug - alcohol in particular is my jam. The older I get, the more difficult this becomes and as reality sets in, I get anxious and panic attacks have started to haunt me more frequently. I used to romanticise escapism and drugs; during adolescence, my big heroes were the 'druggies' of the tv shows I watched, the hedonists. I wanted that. I wanted what tv show characters had: those 'lost souls' were usually romanticised a lot in media; they would eventually get help, people would care about them, would try to save them from themselves and the evil world. In reality though, that doesn't happen. There's no one there who will save you, who will come flying on the winds of fortune and reach out. You're on your own. And at a certain point, you are beyond rescue. Vicky from The Vampire Diaries has always been rather a poignant character in media to me. She was a lost cause and there was no one there who cared enough for her to save her. Her life was tragic and so was her death. The world didn't care. I don't like that show anymore for multiple reasons. But Vicky Donovan and her fate were well written in the sense that it reflected reality.
