Anyone feel so unbearably lonely?

[anhedonicNfoggy]

I forget it once in a while. I sorta space out when strangers are with their friend groups. I don't take it personally bc I don't think about it.

But I was going to dinner with one of my friends and these other people I know too who I call friends called out her name upon spotting her. They were smiling and hugging her. I just felt awkward bc they weren't even looking at me. I just looked down at my phone to act like I was busy. We walked back and I felt kinda bad. It's not just how those people interacted with her but also how she interacted with them. No one is happy with me. It's always like they're tolerating me and that I am a chore.

I know one of my roommates confidently keeps to herself and is close with her family. I feel even alone with my family. I have nothing to say bc I have no personality. I feel like my parents always say how other kids are better than me or they treat me as an inconvenience and would rather leave or they act sorta formal friendly out of obligation.

I feel miserable that I pretty much have no worth. I mean pretty much nothing to anyone. It's always been like this. I think I have friends but no one cares much about me. I think I'm alright with my family but they always end up saying how much better my brother is - how he is successful and good with people. Even strangers point to out like they treat him differently.

I so desperately want to die but I am not able to do it now. I want to cut but it's hard to get blood stains out of clothing. I want to cry but I have no private area to do that.

 

[front of me]

I feel so lonely that nothing can fill it

 

[sadhappygirl]

Yes, i have no one irl. I only have my online friends and i still feel really distant. i feel like i can't connect with anyone no matter what i do, and the one person i connected with hurt me so bad. i think i'll end up dying without ever truly having friends or love in my life

 

[Ligottian]

Yes. My few friends have died (none by suicide) or just "gone away" for this or that reason.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Oh all the time. I literally have no friends but that's because I have no one I can relate to. I got used to it after a while.

 

[AbsurdCapybara]

Yes, I feel unbearably lonely. All I ever wanted was to grow old with my husband but he left me after 20+ years because of my never-ending depression. I don't have anyone else that makes me whole the way he did. I'm in my 40s and it feels like my life is over, all that's left is to ctb.

 

[seriouslyeffitall]

Yes, I feel unbearably lonely. All I ever wanted was to grow old with my husband but he left me after 20+ years because of my never-ending depression. I don't have anyone else that makes me whole the way he did. I'm in my 40s and it feels like my life is over, all that's left is to ctb.

I'm in the same boat. I'm 39, my wife is having a relationship with a coworker, leaves me to watch the kids, and I feel like my entire existence ended with the marriage. I've always been suicidal, but this was the nail in the coffin so to say.

 

[ruru_241]

yeah, i do feel very lonely too. both in friends and relationship-wise! i hope to be free within 5 years, it's starting to become unbearable

 

[dump224477]

same : ( i only talk to people online ugh

 

[AerialBoundaries]

It's the loneliness that's the killer.

 

[BornByGhosts]

No one is happy with me. It's always like they're tolerating me and that I am a chore.

Hoo golly it feels like I wrote this.

Yep I get unbearably lonely too. The sad reality is people like us have to try harder than others to be socially "accepted" (heck I'd settle for "tolerated"). Personally when it comes to social situations like the ones you described, I can't be in my own head too much or else I close myself off.

 

[drennedrat]

I used to feel understood but my friends have slowly replaced me as my personality is gone now. All I have is my family and I can't even be a person around them either. I just want to be the person I used to be. Fuck mental illness.

 

[keyakizaka]

for sure. recently i was thinking about the thought of having friends again (after losing all of mine after graduating early). and i just felt so happy at the thought. i forgot what having real friends is like

 

[IwishIwasntme383]

I really wish I wasn't cursed with autism, I try... I fucking try to make fucking friends but I always fuck up, and the friends I do have are just leaving

 

[Quiet_Observer]

Yeah, my family acts like I'm weird for only talking to people online. Anyone I've talked to outside of home never really cares to contact me at all, half the time when I send a message in hopes that they will talk to me I never get a response; if I do it's just "ok" or similar. I hope you eventually find peace with yourself with whatever action you take in the future.

 

[Dayrain]

I used to feel understood but my friends have slowly replaced me as my personality is gone now. All I have is my family and I can't even be a person around them either. I just want to be the person I used to be. Fuck mental illness.

Ok, but seeing your avatar as well: Just don't be so sorry... No one can keep the same personality the whole life.

 

[Amidaa]

Yis totally, i don't have any friend in irl or online. i do speak to peeps online but that is just it. i have been like this since i was little, but i guess thats because i also moved to another country i have tried to make friends or get in the group but i was always the one who was left out to do anything or the last one to know that there will be a meet up or something to do with the group. heck even if i just left because i felt unwanted there no one really notice or care to ask where i went. thats why i just stop trying to make friends because everytime its the same result. and family only talk to me if they need me for something nothing more nothing less. so i guess if i die i don't really hurt anyone

 

[Anna.]

Absolutely. I'm surrounded by people but I constantly feel lonely. Don't know why I feel like this, but it is a horrible feeling