Discussion Anyone ever told anyone their plans?

[MeltingHeart]

Anyone ever told anyone their plans (IRL) to ctb and actually been supported in that choice? I would love to have people in real life-just to be supportive and understand and offer comfort my last days-like you see in those Dignitas you tube videos-they have people around them and comfort- so jels! Guess its an impossibilty to expect that. AS either they love you (like my friends)- so dont want you to die OR (as in my case with parents) the hate you- so couldnt care less in supporting and comforting you.

 

[JimFord99]

Anyone ever told anyone their plans (IRL) to ctb and actually been supported in that choice? I would love to have people in real life-just to be supportive and understand and offer comfort my last days-like you see in those Dignitas you tube videos-they have people around them and comfort- so jels! Guess its an impossibilty to expect that. AS either they love you (like my friends)- so dont want you to die OR (as in my case with parent) the hate you- so couldnt care less in supporting and comforting you.

If you are serious and determined to commit the CTB thing, don't tell anyone. Keep it quiet, keep it secret. The risk being rescued in last minute is too big.

 

[Stan]

I guess there are two classifications that come to mind for those outside of these forums that you may think about getting support from. If you have a physical condition that is tangible and has a terrible prognosis, it gives something family and friends something to measure. I think the biggest love you can give is supporting someone with that decision and being there at the end. Others will have the alternate view.

With mental health issues, its not easily measured that people want. Its not as easily understandable as 'they have cancer, will be dead in a year and it will be the most horrible pain you can imagine'. That's easy. Describing someone's mental torture confounds most of the population. People still think that drugs and a visit to a therapist will work. We as people probably know more about physical conditions by watching dramas on TV about doctors or hospitals such as ER, House or Greys Anatomy. I am personally struggling to think of a similar TV show that has the same global exposure regarding mental health. So without that exposure and understanding, it would be extremely rare for a family to support an individual wishing to end their life based on what they know, which is little and still a taboo subject.

In conclusion, I would probably get support if it was physical but no chance for anything else.

But as Jim said, if you want to succeed, keep your trap shut and make sure you give yourself as many hours alone as possible without being interrupted.

 

[Blackjack]

Yeah it looks all fine & dandy in the Dignitas videos (where people are old) but in real life, just because you're dying a terminal, always fatal illness doesn't guarantee your family or friends will be supportive of your checking out early (I learned this the hard way.) My advice, keep your crumpet hole shut. That's what this forum is for.

 

[JimFord99]

Yeah it looks all fine & dandy in the Dignitas videos but in real life, just because you're dying a terminal, always fatal illness doesn't guarantee your family or friends will be supportive of your checking out early (I learned this the hard way.) My advice, keep your trap shut. That's what this forum is for.

Indeed. I totally agree.

 

[Blackjack]

AS either they love you (like my friends)- so dont want you to die OR (as in my case with parent) the hate you- so couldnt care less in supporting and comforting you.

P.S. Your parent doesn't hate you, they hate their self.

 

[LonelyLight]

Nope!! Never open my mouth.

 

[scorchedearth]

I told my friend about my thoughts. I regret it because now if I pull it off it's gonna fuck him up a lot further than it would've. I feel like a fucking moron for not having the foresight to keep my mouth shut.

 

[Blackjack]

I told my friend about my thoughts. I regret it because now if I pull it off it's gonna fuck him up a lot further than it would've. I feel like a fucking moron for not having the foresight to keep my mouth shut.

You're not a moron. It's natural but, more often than not, unrealistic to think our friends or family would support our desire to check out early, even if they understood our physical and/or emotional pain. I can honestly say that until I found myself in this situation, I wouldn't have understood if someone I loved wanted out early.

 

[MeltingHeart]

P.S. Your parent doesn't hate you, they hate their self.

both maybe

 

[NoDream]

Yes, i have told my husband, my sons and my diffrent doctors in the mentalhealth hospital. I go there a couple of times a year to talk and get my medications.

But im very vague, I say " a person thats been suicidal for 40 years have had time to make up en enormous
amount of plans"

Then i dont need to lie, because im really bad att that.

My husband understands me and are supportive, even though he himself is terrified at the thought of being dead.

If something happens; running out of money or a climat disaster, then we say night-night to us, if he dies first of maybe a stroke, then i go night-night. If I die first i think hes going to stop eating and take a lot of diabetes medications.

 

[Blackjack]

both maybe

Well if your parent hates you then they're mentally ill or otherwise fucked up, because it's just not possible to hate your kid no matter how bad they may have screwed up.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Well if your parent hates you then they're mentally ill or otherwise fucked up, because it's just not possible to hate your kid no matter how bad they may have screwed up.

I guess they are both mentally ill then- I think they defo are to be fair & now the bitter irony is that they (well one of them that I still know anyway) accuses me of having a mental illness for wanting to ctb-when itsreally just because of all the hurt

 

[White_Room293]

Anyone ever told anyone their plans (IRL) to ctb and actually been supported in that choice? I would love to have people in real life-just to be supportive and understand and offer comfort my last days-like you see in those Dignitas you tube videos-they have people around them and comfort- so jels! Guess its an impossibilty to expect that. AS either they love you (like my friends)- so dont want you to die OR (as in my case with parents) the hate you- so couldnt care less in supporting and comforting you.

I learned my lesson to never tell anyone about how I feel. Parents and psychiatrists just want to "save" me. What I do know is that psychiatrists don't care and my parents are well meaning but they will both never see the world as I do. The first time I was sectioned was for suicidal thoughts and it was a waste of time and the second time I was sectioned was when I was depressed so I took Tramadol to try and kill myself. Apparently it's a shit way to die so it didn't work. All I remember is on a Monday swallowing a bunch of Tramadol down and using about 4G of benzos and alcohol to keep me sedated. I wake up the next morning and somehow I'm still alive but I'm shaking and a bit confused. I call an uber to a hospital and then apparently I was ODing on it but it made literally no fucking sense that I didn't die in my sleep. @gingerplum explained to me though that it's a shit drug to OD on and you should use other opiods.

 

[Blackjack]

That @gingerplum broad really knows her shit.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I learned my lesson to never tell anyone about how I feel. Parents and psychiatrists just want to "save" me. What I do know is that psychiatrists don't care and my parents are well meaning but they will both never see the world as I do. The first time I was sectioned was for suicidal thoughts and it was a waste of time and the second time I was sectioned was when I was depressed so I took Tramadol to try and kill myself. Apparently it's a shit way to die so it didn't work. All I remember is on a Monday swallowing a bunch of Tramadol down and using about 4G of benzos and alcohol to keep me sedated. I wake up the next morning and somehow I'm still alive but I'm shaking and a bit confused. I call an uber to a hospital and then apparently I was ODing on it but it made literally no fucking sense that I didn't die in my sleep. @gingerplum explained to me though that it's a shit drug to OD on and you should use other opiods.

after much research & personal experience I think it is actuallly REALLY hard to OD of most available meds- crazy (and annoying) how resilient the human body is

 

[Lethe]

My therapist basically said "yeah, I plan to do it too when things get too far out of hand", and my grandma said "ok, but don't do it until I die first".

 

[alexithymia]

My therapist basically said "yeah, I plan to do it too when things get too far out of hand", and my grandma said "ok, but don't do it until I die first".

Your therapist told you s/he was planning on doing it as well? Interesting.

 

[Lethe]

Your therapist told you s/he was planning on doing it as well? Interesting.

Indeed, she has bipolar and has been suicidal as well, so that's the reason she was a bit more understanding I think. I stopped going to her though because I don't really think I get any benefit from talk therapy in general (nothing against her).

 

[MeltingHeart]

Your therapist told you s/he was planning on doing it as well? Interesting.

That's what I thought! Strange thing for a thera to say!

Indeed, she has bipolar and has been suicidal as well, so that's the reason she was a bit more understanding I think. I stopped going to her though because I don't really think I get any benefit from talk therapy in general (nothing against her).

Not surprised u didn't get any benefit from her- pretty sure a therapist isn't meant to divulge that kind of stuff to a client!

 

[Lethe]

To be fair, she is up there in age so I think it's more socially acceptable for her to say that.

 

[MeltingHeart]

To be fair, she is up there in age so I think it's more socially acceptable for her to say that.

What age? Maybe she could tell it some people but not to a client / patient

 

[Lethe]

I would feel rude trying to guesstimate her age, lol. And I don't know the rules of engagement for therapists, sorry. I think she was just trying to empathize with me.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I would feel rude trying to guesstimate her age, lol. And I don't know the rules of engagement for therapists, sorry. I think she was just trying to empathize with me.

hmmm strange-defo dont think its accepted practice for a therapist to tell a suicidal client that they too want to ctb-guess it could be strange way to show empathy

 

[sleepy dog]

My recent experiences taught me that I better not tell anybody. But I'm in the USA. They already locked me up in psych for buying the N. I told them it was for future use when I am old and sick and dying. I want to tell a sister in advance so my body doesn't lay here for weeks or months, but I don't think I can trust her to not use it against me. I would only tell somebody that thinks the same way.

 

[gingerplum]

That @gingerplum broad really knows her shit.

I'm not even on this thread. I love you more than premium vodka.

Edit: Oh, now I see someone mentioned me in an earlier post. I am totally sending you premium vodka.

 

[Blackjack]

I'm not even on this thread. I love you more than premium vodka.

Edit: Oh, now I see someone mentioned me in an earlier post. I am totally sending you premium vodka.

Don't waste the good stuff on me, but do have a shot or 10 in my memory next week.

 

[Sweet emotion]

No, I don't trust people with information like that. My family knows how sick I am, physically, and that I don't want to live like a prisoner. But I would never tell them my plans. I wouldn't want them screwing it up for me.

 

[Sleepwalking]

I'll admit, I'm ridiculously fortunate that I have one close friend that I can admit, at least in part, my plans to CTB. They're able to fully appreciate my rationale for it, and respect it, and whilst they would prefer I didn't they won't force temporary measures on me.
There'll always be that part of me that yearns to have a friend I could sit down with over a few drinks and laughs and discuss it in great depth, with the full detail of how I'll do it, but this much at least I'm grateful for, and even moreso grateful for this forum where I can finally be honest, even if it's taking me a little to work up the confidence to find the words.

 

[sanction]

Super tempting to share with others in real life my CTB thoughts, but honestly it will just lead to unwanted results, such as them trying to stop me. Whats worst is... when I finally do CTB, what if they find ways to rescue me half way through it, mess it up, and I end up surviving with permanent damage, become disabled or vegetable? Therefore, I am choosing not to risk it. Its not like they can truly help me anyways, so its more of just an emotional thing, where you want to rant or be understood, but probably does more harm than good for the most part