Discussion Anyone else with body dysmorphia here?

[KiraLittleOwl]

Funny how plastic surgery that supposed to make me feel better gave me full blown bdd.
I can't have rest from it, it always there poisoning every second of my existence.
I can't date, can't feel comfortable with my face, that dark cloud is always over my head.
I don't think that kind of life worth it.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I don't know about body dysmorphia but I do hate my face and body. I just feel so fucking fat and ugly. Whenever I look in the mirror it's like there's someone else looking back.

I'm considering plastic surgery but I can't afford it yet.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I think I can relate. Just wondering, how did plastic surgery give you bdd? Did they mess it up?

 

[Snake of Eden]

I hate my body. There is no plastic surgery that exists which can fix me

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I don't know about body dysmorphia but I do hate my face and body. I just feel so fucking fat and ugly. Whenever I look in the mirror it's like there's someone else looking back.

I'm considering plastic surgery but I can't afford it yet.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I think I can relate. Just wondering, how did plastic surgery give you bdd? Did they mess it up?

Surgeon messed up everything he touched

 

[fullofregrets]

Yes life's not the same after I got severe scars from acne.
How am I supposed to have meaningful conversations with people face to face when I tremble with anxiety from the scars and how I look.
I see my face in reflection and my day is ruined, can't sleep for many nights.

 

[farakini]

I hate my body and my face too. I'm 27 and still dealing with acne since I was 14 and my bf left me 2mths ago because I had a bad breakout and I kept making excuses to avoid him seeing my face. I was too embarrassed to tell him so I pretty much sacrificed my relationship…..I've become so obsessed with my face I look in the mirror multiple times a day, hoping to see improvement…Every day I wish I was pretty or at least satisfied with my appearance.

 

[NyanPotato]

I hate it

 

[eternalmelancholy]

The worst fate imaginable would be living as burn victim. You become a modern day leper. I think it is an ethical duty to offer euthanasia as a choice.

 

[ikadasui]

I hate my body and my face too. I'm 27 and still dealing with acne since I was 14 and my bf left me 2mths ago because I had a bad breakout and I kept making excuses to avoid him seeing my face. I was too embarrassed to tell him so I pretty much sacrificed my relationship…..I've become so obsessed with my face I look in the mirror multiple times a day, hoping to see improvement…Every day I wish I was pretty or at least satisfied with my appearance.

This will be me next. I also have bad acne and scars from it and I'm in a LD relationship. I've only sent one picture while I was breaking out too bad, but now it's as bad as normal which is fucked and it's only a matter of time until she wants more. I don't fault her, I just wish I wasn't so fucking ugly and mentally disabled

 

[TheHatedOne]

I hate being in this female body even if I don't identify as a female. I'm a non binary and I really hate this body. I also absolutely despise my face and wish I could pour acid on it.

 

[ThirteenthStep]

Yes it sucks, I'm sorry you have to go through it too

 

[TooLate2582]

Yes. What people tell me they see and what I see in the mirror are two different things. No matter how many people remark about my physical characteristics, I'm forever a blob.

I have moments of reality where I think "this isn't healthy" but F it. I didn't choose the BPD life, it chose me.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

It sucks so bad. It's been 2 years and I am still suicidal and heavily depressed.
I can't enjoy anything.
The most alive I feel during suicidal attempts imagine that.

 

[nerve]

Sometimes people say that there's more to me than just my body and I should focus on those things. It'd be great to fall back on "well, I'm not pretty, but at least I'm smart or friendly or talented or funny or creative or etc. etc." but I'm not any of those things either. I'm just unattractive and mentally ill.

When you go outside and see someone, you can't immediately tell if they're smart/friendly/talented etc. but you can immediately tell whether or not you find that person physically attractive. I know "beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc." and all that but you can't deny there are standards and trends and some traits will just always be more desirable than others. I've had people tell me "well you know back in the day they thought being fat was attractive :3" and A. What difference does it make to me that I might have been considered cuter hundreds of years ago and B. What's attractive about these traits in women is primarily larger breasts and wider hips. Men are literally programmed to find these things attractive. I have neither. Disgusting flabby stomachs and huge flat asses have never and will never be in style. When the trend was skinniness, I didn't fit into that. Now the trend is "thickness" and I don't fit into that either.

My day isn't going to come. I am always going to be inferior and I'm going to suffer because of that for as long as I'm alive. My only hope is cosmetic surgery and even if I wasn't deathly afraid of a surgeon screwing up and ruining me even more than I already am, living off of disability doesn't leave much financial space for tummy tucks. My only choice is to either be a complete joke or isolate myself so no one can see me and judge me or laugh at me or pity me. I could also just kill myself and exit this body for good and never have to deal with it ever again. So far it looks like that's how things are going to turn out. Shrug.

 

[Scribble Fan]

Sometimes people say that there's more to me than just my body and I should focus on those things. It'd be great to fall back on "well, I'm not pretty, but at least I'm smart or friendly or talented or funny or creative or etc. etc." but I'm not any of those things either. I'm just unattractive and mentally ill.

When you go outside and see someone, you can't immediately tell if they're smart/friendly/talented etc. but you can immediately tell whether or not you find that person physically attractive. I know "beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc." and all that but you can't deny there are standards and trends and some traits will just always be more desirable than others. I've had people tell me "well you know back in the day they thought being fat was attractive :3" and A. What difference does it make to me that I might have been considered cuter hundreds of years ago and B. What's attractive about these traits in women is primarily larger breasts and wider hips. Men are literally programmed to find these things attractive. I have neither. Disgusting flabby stomachs and huge flat asses have never and will never be in style. When the trend was skinniness, I didn't fit into that. Now the trend is "thickness" and I don't fit into that either.

My day isn't going to come. I am always going to be inferior and I'm going to suffer because of that for as long as I'm alive. My only hope is cosmetic surgery and even if I wasn't deathly afraid of a surgeon screwing up and ruining me even more than I already am, living off of disability doesn't leave much financial space for tummy tucks. My only choice is to either be a complete joke or isolate myself so no one can see me and judge me or laugh at me or pity me. I could also just kill myself and exit this body for good and never have to deal with it ever again. So far it looks like that's how things are going to turn out. Shrug.

Wow, you put into words everything I've never really been able to say. Thank you for writing that, and I'm sorry you've been dealt this lot in life.

 

[Aeathelina]

I hate everything about my body. From the skin texture to the knobby uneven knees with a face shaped my a foot. There are days when I just wat to cut my face off with a knife

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

I also suffer from body dysmorphic disorder (bdd). It's the main reason why I'm considering ctb. My antidepressant somehow stopped working, or at least didn't work well enough anymore. So I have full blown bdd again. I'm now in the process of switching to another antidepressant. I really hope it will work as good as the last one.

 

[come to dust]

Some people have accused me of having BDD but I think I'm just ugly. I hate my facial shape, my skin colour, and my body fat distribution.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I don't know if I should label myself as body- dysmorphic, but lately I am becoming increasingly unhappy with my face and body. I see more attractive people and it bothers me a lot. Having no admirers bothers me. It sounds terribly vain and is, but it's true. I feel unhappy without admiration from others.

 

[Ineedtodie]

BDD is one of the worst illness out there. But I think my mental baggage started way before I first experienced bdd symptoms and behaviors which are the worst. I realized after I healed from the illusion of bdd that it was a defensive mechanism the mind creates to deal with trauma. Fucked up right!. In my teen years I never had a problem or being self conscious about my face which was the center of my bdd but I had a slight chest deformity appeared when I was 12 in my teen spurt of growth years. I got bullied for it for years. I had a speech impedement too that gave me anxiety expressing my self which made the bullying worse. I remember seeing a therapist when I was 19 for one session for being anxious and avoidant, first thing I told him explaining why I feel this way " my right eyebrow is ugly and wierd making me look wierd"
Never mentioned the bullying, my chest deformity or my speech difficulties. I' m male and my right eyebrow is identical to my left and both completely normal. bdd was a trauma response that had no sens or other bases. But anyway my life never got back on track developed life dibilitating APD even though I' m not that self conscious about my body. Now just thinking about suicide because I can't show up for myself.

 

[heavyeyes]

I've had BDD all my life to some degree. It got worse in my teen years (I was bullied for my appearance in hs) and then it slowly started getting better in my early twenties up until 4 years ago when it got worse again (SA and emotional abuse from an ex contributed to it). I've become a recluse. I can't go out in public without a face mask on because I hate showing my face. I can't look in the mirror or take pictures/selfies because all I see is a hideous deformed monster. Even if I could afford it plastic surgery couldn't fix me.

 

[BillyBob]

Really hate my body. I feel so fat and everytime I look in the mirror it looks like I have put on so much weight. Even eating a small bit of food makes me feel Like I have put on extra weight I just want to go and burn it off. I know I am somewhat skinny and are underweight but to my mind it doesn't and it is impossible to get that out of my mind which sucks big time.

 

[makethepainstop]

I hate me for not being 6'8, with platinum blond hair, blue eyes, and, weighing about 280 lbs of solid muscle. I don't feel male enough, I am average size and not considered unattractive, but I am supremely unhappy I do not possess the aforementioned genetic traits. And as always having a family with oceans of money is also desirable to me.