Anyone else wish they were not gay?

[planningmyexit]

I'm gay and feel this just makes my life worse. To make matters worse I'm a gay guy who's turned on by more extreme things. This world wasn't cut out for gays not to much the gay community only accepts you until your about 23 but after that your just some old freak. Fuck them fuck my sexuality I just want to die

 

[pinkbluebutch]

Personally, the only thing that I hate about being gay is the distance it puts between other people and me. Since society is so heteronormative it makes it so hard to navigate queer relationships and life alone. Still, I don't wish I wasn't gay, I'm glad I am this way.

 

[planningmyexit]

Personally, the only thing that I hate about being gay is the distance it puts between other people and me. Since society is so heteronormative it makes it so hard to navigate queer relationships and life alone. Still, I don't wish I wasn't gay, I'm glad I am this way.

Life would be so much easier if I was turned on by pussy. Yeah we will always be outsiders that we do have to accept. I'm 26 and considered very a old man by the gay community. Straights at least have options until their 30s by 40s I guess everyone's fucked. Aging sucks

 

[pinkbluebutch]

Life would be so much easier if I was turned on by pussy. Yeah we will always be outsiders that we do have to accept. I'm 26 and considered very a old man by the gay community. Straights at least have options until their 30s by 40s I guess everyone's fucked. Aging sucks

Maybe I feel differently since I've only just turned 21, I also think that specifically for gay men those standards are a lot worse than the ones that exist for lesbians/queer women. I do sometimes think about how if I can't bring myself to CTB I might just marry a man and live as a housewife since I don't know that I can bring myself to come out to my parents/family ever, but I don't really know. It's definitely a hard struggle and I'm sorry you feel washed up when you're still objectively very young. There are also fewer of us than straight people and even fewer who are out and willing to flirt so I get the slim pickings.

 

[Blue_mist]

I'm 39 yrs. old gay and i hate my sexuality and having a partner in life at this age is slim to zero,especially if you are a bottom. I lift my conservative country (stupidest decision ever) for being gay and my life got much worse in this "LGBTQ welcoming country" most of the gays have unrealistic high expectations, ignorants, cocky. I wish i was born without genitalia or impotent. It's really fucked up situation when you can't satisfy your sexual needs and urges with someone. This is the main reason why I want to kill myself because i can't live in this pain for the rest of my life.

 

[planningmyexit]

Maybe I feel differently since I've only just turned 21, I also think that specifically for gay men those standards are a lot worse than the ones that exist for lesbians/queer women. I do sometimes think about how if I can't bring myself to CTB I might just marry a man and live as a housewife since I don't know that I can bring myself to come out to my parents/family ever, but I don't really know. It's definitely a hard struggle and I'm sorry you feel washed up when you're still objectively very young. There are also fewer of us than straight people and even fewer who are out and willing to flirt so I get the slim pickings.

I would say take advantage of your youth, I fucked up and did not. But I don't think I really knew what I as into sexually at the time but now I do so I can't blame myself for that. Coming out shouldn't be the hard part as they had you so they should accept you for who you are. Easier said then done. I would love to have a housewife but unfortunately I have zero job skill so best I can do is minimum wage BS so even that fantasy is not so much in the picture. Which makes it hard for me because I'm not a submissive gay.

I'm 39 yrs. old gay and i hate my sexuality and having a partner in life at this age is slim to zero,especially if you are a bottom. I lift my conservative country (stupidest decision ever) for being gay and my life got much worse in this "LGBTQ welcoming country" most of the gays have unrealistic high expectations, ignorants, cocky. I wish i was born without genitalia or impotent. It's really fucked up situation when you can't satisfy your sexual needs and urges with someone. This is the main reason why I want to kill myself because i can't live in this pain for the rest of my life.

I seriously understand and feel for you in your situation. Gays are so unreasonable about how they will want to be with. I think whether you are top or bottom the problem will still stand. As I am a 26 year old top who is shunned for not being 18-22 being gay has to be the worst hand you can be delt in life

 

[TriggerHappy]

i'm hardcore queercore :: wrote a manifesto on this site about tree years ago when this forum thought it might turn homophobic... i'm usually quiet - then i had something to say.. there are as many bigots as there are predators... see them for what they are :: - alternative / kinda good looking and an insatiable Aries :: i'm weird and wonderful - in so many fucking funny and insanely sad ways..
i'm now ancient (early 50's) - age / success / addiction / advertising production is meaningless, really.
have never ever wanted to be / envied the heteroscum progeny out there - tho you realise that here's no such thing as a straight person... enuff attention and they fold like lost cards.. i'm gay akashikally cos in last lives I killed kids for sport (and collected their hands in a box under the stairs) so no. no kids for me. but i have friend's kids that love and respect where it all goes mutually... i'm a graphic design software lecturer... and teach every kid to be silent and respectful. until they choose not to be..
straights can do it - why can't we??!
you shit glitter, baby. thank the God's and Goddesses for that gift...
it's not that you were different - you are better, braver, brighter - you've known this since you were tiny -
my addict dad molested then detested me when i came out the closet at 6. think he thought he had something to do with it. he punished me by locking me in cupboards (literally) then loving me when he was ober - the same hot / cold i seek out in lovers.
the time i wasted allways.. i hated myself and thought i deserved only addiction. those were hateful hurtful times - I'm one of the few gay guys that know how it feels to be chained to a fence in the rain at a christian rehab not cos of my using - cos i refused o believe my sexuality was 'demonic' or my prince albert "depraved" - so i took my punishment (i'm proud to be labelled 'a rebellios spirit' by those fuckers - I was raised eventually to run the dog /farm teams -then fell for someone very dangerous for me ... i learnt to streetfight. and i still do - theres a cut on my eyebrow for defending someone who couldn't defend himself (i'm no hero - quite the opposite :: vengeful and aggressive is in my nature - viper sees viper..)
i was beaten / locked up / bound / humiliated and heroed... (all talents i took with me into prostitution, and advertising) see kids you can turn any misery into extacy - if you take the effort &learn how.. and drink enough fluids!
I think as queer - and i'm a definite fringe minority inspite of my gym membership / engagement, or how much meth/ creatine i consume...
:: we are truly berdache -it's amerindian look it up- we walk (and own) the spaces in-between the worlds.. and the worlds themselves... nothing binds you but yourself.. belief in limits creates limited people. you are not that... not if you're queer. read The Inner Guide Meditation if you have issues with religion or God.
if it's out of print - pm me. i have a gift i can mail to you..
seek your truth..

 

[Teddybear]

I'm gay and feel this just makes my life worse. To make matters worse I'm a gay guy who's turned on by more extreme things. This world wasn't cut out for gays not to much the gay community only accepts you until your about 23 but after that your just some old freak. Fuck them fuck my sexuality I just want to die

The most important thing is consent between adults. As long as that is a given you should live out your sexuality in whatever way suits you. Public moral or - even worse - shame by family and friends - can pull you down all the way until you can see no light all day.

The human sex drive is among the strongest forces in nature and trying to deny it will only lead to defeat. Safe, Sane & Consensual is the motto of the alternative lifestyle community and as long as you adhere to that I'll tell you; Go for it!

Its always better to get laid than to get buried. And maybe you should post your questions on a gay self-help forum, rather than SancSu (and there are Kink portals with SelfHelp forums, too).

And one more thing: Gay BDSM presents a wiiiide field of activity and there are good and bad people active in it just like in plain vanilla daring forums. Just be careful to take one step at a time and don;'t get yourself head over heals into situations you can not extricate yourself from.
But there is happiness to be found there, love and caring - just as much as there is deceit and abuse. But you have to overcome the element of shame, which is difficult enough given the orthodox morale I find present even on this platform.

A prominent psychologist once said, that the only abnormal sex between consenting adults is the sex you do not have.

 

[releasespieces]

The most important thing is consent between adults. As long as that is a given you should live out your sexuality in whatever way suits you. Public moral or - even worse - shame by family and friends - can pull you down all the way until you can see no light all day.

The human sex drive is among the strongest forces in nature and trying to deny it will only lead to defeat. Safe, Sane & Consensual is the motto of the alternative lifestyle community and as long as you adhere to that I'll tell you; Go for it!

Its always better to get laid than to get buried. And maybe you should post your questions on a gay self-help forum, rather than SancSu (and there are Kink portals with SelfHelp forums, too).

And one more thing: Gay BDSM presents a wiiiide field of activity and there are good and bad people active in it just like in plain vanilla daring forums. Just be careful to take one step at a time and don;'t get yourself head over heals into situations you can not extricate yourself from.
But there is happiness to be found there, love and caring - just as much as there is deceit and abuse. But you have to overcome the element of shame, which is difficult enough given the orthodox morale I find present even on this platform.

A prominent psychologist once said, that the only abnormal sex between consenting adults is the sex you do not have.

Tell that to Louis CK… sometimes consent isn't enough in the public eye.

 

[LonelyEmerald]

Yes

 

[Teddybear]

Tell that to Louis CK… sometimes consent isn't enough in the public eye.

Not sure who Louis CK is but I just found out how narrow minded even people can be who themselves are "on the fringe" in the forum chat 2nite. But the rule I quoted was for personal use only. The moment you start to give a damn about the public's ever changing view of what's "morally appropriate" you've already lost.

Be a poke in the public's eye!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Straights at least have options until their 30s by 40s

Shit, I'm straight and that wasn't true in my life. Not by a long shot.

 

[Unending]

Mainly, I just wish a lot of the time that I wasn't trans. It's a hard life.

 

[planningmyexit]

Shit, I'm straight and that wasn't true in my life. Not by a long shot.

What was your experience?

 

[Wannagonow]

Maybe I feel differently since I've only just turned 21, I also think that specifically for gay men those standards are a lot worse than the ones that exist for lesbians/queer women. I do sometimes think about how if I can't bring myself to CTB I might just marry a man and live as a housewife since I don't know that I can bring myself to come out to my parents/family ever, but I don't really know. It's definitely a hard struggle and I'm sorry you feel washed up when you're still objectively very young. There are also fewer of us than straight people and even fewer who are out and willing to flirt so I get the slim pickings.

I seem to be in the minority in this forum. I'm a lesbian. Curious-are you a lesbian? If you're not, I find it frustrating you make a sweeping comment that standards are alot better for lesbians when you haven't walked in our shoes. It can suck for all of us. And I include gay men in that. If I had my way I would not have been born gay. It has always been an uphill battle to feel comfortable in a straight world. I'm in my 50's, and I've seen alot of changes in terms of rights and discrimination in the last 20 years or so. Just wish it came sooner. Appreciate your post. Just please know it can be challenging for all of us- gay and lesbian.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

What was your experience?

Well, after my break-up with my fiance' when I was 32, that was really about it. I spent about 3 years getting over that, and didn't even went to get out there again, anyway, during that time, so never met anyone. After that, there was this thing that used to be in the newspaper, long before online dating. It was listings for personal ads, but they were connected to a 1-800 number you would dial and you would connect with a personal voicemail of whomever interested you. You could leave a message for the person and then, if they were interested, they could leave a return message on your voicemail. There was a charge involved that showed up on your phone bill. Anyway, I did that a couple times, but nothing ever came of it to take it to the next level. By that time, the friends I had at the time were either already married and had families started, or were getting married. It's pretty hard to go out on the town looking to meet someone by yourself. Not saying it isn't done, but it's not for everyone, and doing that wasn't for me. I quit drinking, too, so I really didn't have any interest in going to bars, anyway. So, basically, after about 35 or 36 years old, that's really when any prospects of even meeting someone came to a standing halt for me. And I have never met anyone, since. I've always heard of people meeting each other in unusual places like grocery stores, or wherever. It never happened to me. Maybe I just closed myself off. That could be true to some extent. I'm not even interested in meeting anyone now. I've got too much emotional baggage and it wouldn't be fair to anyone. I was just commenting that I don't feel I had all that many options during my 30s until I was around 40, or so.

 

[planningmyexit]

The most important thing is consent between adults. As long as that is a given you should live out your sexuality in whatever way suits you. Public moral or - even worse - shame by family and friends - can pull you down all the way until you can see no light all day.

The human sex drive is among the strongest forces in nature and trying to deny it will only lead to defeat. Safe, Sane & Consensual is the motto of the alternative lifestyle community and as long as you adhere to that I'll tell you; Go for it!

Its always better to get laid than to get buried. And maybe you should post your questions on a gay self-help forum, rather than SancSu (and there are Kink portals with SelfHelp forums, too).

And one more thing: Gay BDSM presents a wiiiide field of activity and there are good and bad people active in it just like in plain vanilla daring forums. Just be careful to take one step at a time and don;'t get yourself head over heals into situations you can not extricate yourself from.
But there is happiness to be found there, love and caring - just as much as there is deceit and abuse. But you have to overcome the element of shame, which is difficult enough given the orthodox morale I find present even on this platform.

A prominent psychologist once said, that the only abnormal sex between consenting adults is the sex you do not have.

Well, after my break-up with my fiance' when I was 32, that was really about it. I spent about 3 years getting over that, and didn't even went to get out there again, anyway, during that time, so never met anyone. After that, there was this thing that used to be in the newspaper, long before online dating. It was listings for personal ads, but they were connected to a 1-800 number you would dial and you would connect with a personal voicemail of whomever interested you. You could leave a message for the person and then, if they were interested, they could leave a return message on your voicemail. There was a charge involved that showed up on your phone bill. Anyway, I did that a couple times, but nothing ever came of it to take it to the next level. By that time, the friends I had at the time were either already married and had families started, or were getting married. It's pretty hard to go out on the town looking to meet someone by yourself. Not saying it isn't done, but it's not for everyone, and doing that wasn't for me. I quit drinking, too, so I really didn't have any interest in going to bars, anyway. So, basically, after about 35 or 36 years old, that's really when any prospects of even meeting someone came to a standing halt for me. And I have never met anyone, since. I've always heard of people meeting each other in unusual places like grocery stores, or wherever. It never happened to me. Maybe I just closed myself off. That could be true to some extent. I'm not even interested in meeting anyone now. I've got too much emotional baggage and it wouldn't be fair to anyone. I was just commenting that I don't feel I had all that many options during my 30s until I was around 40, or so.

I totally get it, I deleted all my dating apps, I'm going to try and cut back on the excessive masturbation. I don't think I want to meet anyone either at this point. Staying single seems like the best option to me as well. Congratulations on quitting alcohol. That's the one vice in life I can't seem to let go

The most important thing is consent between adults. As long as that is a given you should live out your sexuality in whatever way suits you. Public moral or - even worse - shame by family and friends - can pull you down all the way until you can see no light all day.

The human sex drive is among the strongest forces in nature and trying to deny it will only lead to defeat. Safe, Sane & Consensual is the motto of the alternative lifestyle community and as long as you adhere to that I'll tell you; Go for it!

Its always better to get laid than to get buried. And maybe you should post your questions on a gay self-help forum, rather than SancSu (and there are Kink portals with SelfHelp forums, too).

And one more thing: Gay BDSM presents a wiiiide field of activity and there are good and bad people active in it just like in plain vanilla daring forums. Just be careful to take one step at a time and don;'t get yourself head over heals into situations you can not extricate yourself from.
But there is happiness to be found there, love and caring - just as much as there is deceit and abuse. But you have to overcome the element of shame, which is difficult enough given the orthodox morale I find present even on this platform.

A prominent psychologist once said, that the only abnormal sex between consenting adults is the sex you do not have.

Being born straight would be been better in my opinion but since I was born gay I at least wish I was turned on by vanilla porn but honestly it does nothing for me BDSM does seem to be my preference and I feel like a freak because of it

 

[Teddybear]

I totally get it, I deleted all my dating apps, I'm going to try and cut back on the excessive masturbation. I don't think I want to meet anyone either at this point. Staying single seems like the best option to me as well. Congratulations on quitting alcohol. That's the one vice in life I can't seem to let go

Being born straight would be been better in my opinion but since I was born gay I at least wish I was turned on by vanilla porn but honestly it does nothing for me BDSM does seem to be my preference and I feel like a freak because of it

Too many people in the non-hetero lifestyle have these sparkling illusions how wonderful straight sexuality is supposed to be and I found it impossible to part them from those. Not with all the good words in the world. So I can only assume this is a projection of some other, deeper issue of which I got no knowledge of.

But let me assure you that I was born and raised hetero and had myself quite a few "plain vanilla" relations - each of which ended in an emotional catastrophe.

Feeling like "a freak" because of your tendency for BDSM is like feeling like an evil criminal because you smoke marijuana. Your mind is hobbled by the false morality of a hypocritical society. I myself got "threatened" last nite with expulsion from this platform, simply because I openly admitted that I paid for sex in a country were prostitution is completely legal. And that by other users who are so twisted about their own sexuality they can't even make up if they want to be male or female.

It is the year 2022, gays, trans- and lord-knows-what are dancing back and forth across all TV channels and through the headlines of every leading newspaper. Yet as soon as the talk turns private our mental conditioning is ironclad: Every position beyond missionary style requires moral approval from people who claim to be oh so squeaky clean themselves.

It makes me furious that this kind of lying hypocrisy prevails even on this platform where I expected people to be more open minded - if for no other reason than that they should know how that feels to be looked upon the wrong way.

The only advise I could offer you would be to go and join a *reputable* BDSM platform and find yourself a like-minded partner who shares your preferences.

!Safe, Sane and Consensual! - never forget those three and life your sex-life accordingly. You must come to grips with your sexual preferences because you will *not* be able to oppress them. But you must not allow that desire in you to cause permanent hurt to yourself or to others. You can learn to life out your fantasies by certain rules and if you're luckier than this straight dude was, you might even find someone who loves and accepts you the way you are.

If all else fails try to find professional help and be open and honest about your desires with any counselor. Shame is what kills us inside.

 

[Lucilius]

I wish I wasn't a gender dysphoric male. I wish I wasn't a bottom. I wish I wasn't human. I wish I was a floating energy orb. Even though I know orbification is a dirty word, this truly is.
My heart's desire.

 

[DarkRose]

I don't really care to be honest. People that don't like me because I'm gay can respectfully fuck off.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I never realized how hard it is for gays. I kind of do understand, because I took a deviant route in life as well. The main issue with being gay to me would be that it doesn't serve u in the older years because creating decendants helps give meaning and purpose to your life if our world was a better place. The other reason is because if u are with a same sex partner they won't be able to compliment u in a relationship. Men and women are meant to cooperate having different strengths that fit together to do different roles or tasks serving each other. So when two of the same sex partners come together intimately they can't meet certain needs which are not just sexual. This is why it can be hard to have a higher purpose to remain together as a couple for gay people. I hope this is not offensive. If it is u guys can remove it.

 

[OldDrummer]

I'm straight, but I've a couple of close gay friends who are of my vintage. Hardest thing for them was growing up in a country where not only they were considered deviant, but homosexuality was a crime right up to the 1980's. That must really burn on the psyche and inform how they considered themselves growing up. They also seem to be really bitter towards the younger gay community for some reason.

Thankfully now in Ireland, we're a little bit more progressive these days. We were one of the first countries to bring in same-sex marriage and one of the first to have an openly gay Prime-Minister/Leader.

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm gay and feel this just makes my life worse. To make matters worse I'm a gay guy who's turned on by more extreme things. This world wasn't cut out for gays not to much the gay community only accepts you until your about 23 but after that your just some old freak. Fuck them fuck my sexuality I just want to die

I don't mind being gay, i just wish I was decent looking and more outgoing. I hate the way I look and try to avoid socializing.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm going to try and cut back on the excessive masturbation

I don't really have that issue anymore, at least to the point of "excessive", as I'm now 57. Don't get me wrong, everything still works fine, but it's true that libido drops off a bit as we age.

Congratulations on quitting alcohol. That's the one vice in life I can't seem to let go

That was actually a fairly easy one for me. Also, they say alcohol is a depressant, but, still, here I am on SaSu. I wonder how bad my depression would be if I were still drinking?

 

[Worndown]

You should not feel bad for who you are. It sounds like you are not meeting the right people. More mature people tend to seek out the same. They know what they like and do not like in all aspects of life. Straight people have the same problems.
If you live in a country that is run by or heavily influenced by religious fanatics, you might feel the persecution faster, but everyone suffers under the same boot.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

More mature people tend to seek out the same.

Straight people have the same problems.

Only speaking for myself (obviously), but if there was a 30 year old chick who happened to be interested in me (I'm 57), I wouldn't turn her away. What's wrong with a little arm candy?

 

[planningmyexit]

I don't really care to be honest. People that don't like me because I'm gay can respectfully fuck off.

Fair enough. I also don't care so much about what people think about it, more so I'd just feel more natural if I wasn't.

 

[Sad_Sack]

I'm gay and feel this just makes my life worse. To make matters worse I'm a gay guy who's turned on by more extreme things. This world wasn't cut out for gays not to much the gay community only accepts you until your about 23 but after that your just some old freak. Fuck them fuck my sexuality I just want to die

So, I'm not gay so if I'm wrong about this and speaking about stuff i don't have a clue about I'm sorry. What I just want to say as for the gay community excepting you only until your about 23, this sounds more like just a small group as there will always be more gays past that age. It sounds a lot just like normal age stuff. Straight people under 23 don't really want much to do with older people either. I might be missing something here though. It would seem to me that there must be a huge community of over 23 gay people.

Life would be so much easier if I was turned on by pussy. Yeah we will always be outsiders that we do have to accept. I'm 26 and considered very a old man by the gay community. Straights at least have options until their 30s by 40s I guess everyone's fucked. Aging sucks

I guess I don't get what's going on. How can the very young gays control the gay community? So what if they consider you an old man. There are more over 26 gay guys than under. You all outnumber them and have each other, right? I mean, why not guys your own age? Is it just that you are unhappy with getting older at all because the younger party scene is excluding you? Straight guys that hang around trying to keep living the dream are basically Mathew Mcconaughey from Dazed and Confused. Just don't feel to bad about aging.

 

[wait.what]

@Sad_Sack — You're familiar with the phenomenon of straight men of all ages being most sexually attracted to very young women, right? Like if you have two groups of straight guys, one composed of 20-year-olds and one of 80-year-olds, and you ask them to describe the sexiest woman they can think of, both groups are going to describe someone who looks a lot like a 20-year-old woman. No one finds that strange, because health and child-bearing potential and blah blah blah.

The preference for youth tends to persist even among men who don't literally want babies. As it happens, it persists even among men who prefer partners without baby-growing equipment. There's just something about fresh-faced, barely-adult bodies that turns most guys' cranks.

Obviously, this isn't every man on earth. Also, some women like the look of 18 to 21-year-olds too. But it's a well-known thing that men tend to be most attracted to quite young sexual partners. It no more makes sense to tell a 40-year-old gay man that self-acceptance will greatly improve his sex appeal than it would to tell that to a 40-year-old straight woman. Self-confidence is a plus, yes, but there are still a whole lot of guys who will pass up a confident middle-aged person in favor of an excruciatingly shy 18-year-old. That is how very young gay guys hold a disproportionate amount of influence in the gay community.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel worse, and I apologize if I have. I think most of the androphile population is aware of these issues, though.

For what it's worth, my own sex life improved slightly after I transitioned. (I tried being a straight woman for some decades. It was awful and I hated it.) I think the increase in self-confidence and self-acceptance did help. Those are worth something, after all. I also quit trying to date cis dudes, which has worked out somewhat better for me.

There are weird dynamics in gay transmasc dating as well, of course—partly because that population really does skew very young. People of my generation generally didn't have the option to transition when they were young, and now they're married and at their career height, with 1.8 children and two mortgages and and their increasingly-senile in-laws needing to go into care but refusing to leave their hoarder houses. Most people in that situation don't dare make such a major change because they feel they have too much to lose, and they're probably right.

The small number of folks who did transition in the 80's or 90's tend to either be living stealth and passing for cis people, or else they're dead. AIDS didn't spare gay trans men any more than it spared gay cis men. And there's also always isolation, discrimination, poverty, and despair. So if you're transmasculine, gay, and 50, and you don't want to date someone born after you graduated college, what are you supposed to do?

I guess maybe the logical thing to do would be to have the horny middle-aged cis gay dudes hook up with all those horny twentynothing trans gay boys—except cis gay guys tend to see screwing trans guys as beneath them, so fuck everybody, I guess. Or they can stay home and fuck themselves, because at this rate they sure ain't gonna be fucking anyone else.

 

[Le_Dauphin]

@Sad_Sack — You're familiar with the phenomenon of straight men of all ages being most sexually attracted to very young women, right? Like if you have two groups of straight guys, one composed of 20-year-olds and one of 80-year-olds, and you ask them to describe the sexiest woman they can think of, both groups are going to describe someone who looks a lot like a 20-year-old woman. No one finds that strange, because health and child-bearing potential and blah blah blah.

The preference for youth tends to persist even among men who don't literally want babies. As it happens, it persists even among men who prefer partners without baby-growing equipment. There's just something about fresh-faced, barely-adult bodies that turns most guys' cranks.

Obviously, this isn't every man on earth. Also, some women like the look of 18 to 21-year-olds too. But it's a well-known thing that men tend to be most attracted to quite young sexual partners. It no more makes sense to tell a 40-year-old gay man that self-acceptance will greatly improve his sex appeal than it would to tell that to a 40-year-old straight woman. Self-confidence is a plus, yes, but there are still a whole lot of guys who will pass up a confident middle-aged person in favor of an excruciatingly shy 18-year-old. That is how very young gay guys hold a disproportionate amount of influence in the gay community.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel worse, and I apologize if I have. I think most of the androphile population is aware of these issues, though.

For what it's worth, my own sex life improved slightly after I transitioned. (I tried being a straight woman for some decades. It was awful and I hated it.) I think the increase in self-confidence and self-acceptance did help. Those are worth something, after all. I also quit trying to date cis dudes, which has worked out somewhat better for me.

There are weird dynamics in gay transmasc dating as well, of course—partly because that population really does skew very young. People of my generation generally didn't have the option to transition when they were young, and now they're married and at their career height, with 1.8 children and two mortgages and and their increasingly-senile in-laws needing to go into care but refusing to leave their hoarder houses. Most people in that situation don't dare make such a major change because they feel they have too much to lose, and they're probably right.

The small number of folks who did transition in the 80's or 90's tend to either be living stealth and passing for cis people, or else they're dead. AIDS didn't spare gay trans men any more than it spared gay cis men. And there's also always isolation, discrimination, poverty, and despair. So if you're transmasculine, gay, and 50, and you don't want to date someone born after you graduated college, what are you supposed to do?

I guess maybe the logical thing to do would be to have the horny middle-aged cis gay dudes hook up with all those horny twentynothing trans gay boys—except cis gay guys tend to see screwing trans guys as beneath them, so fuck everybody, I guess. Or they can stay home and fuck themselves, because at this rate they sure ain't gonna be fucking anyone else.

Totally agree with you, and am extremely grateful that you pointed out the toxic positivity in this "self-confidence" bs that these people have the nerve to spread over here.