anyone else whose parents have ruined their lives?

[O_oreo.]

I am writing this because...I really never expected to say this, but my mother has made me tired and sometimes I have come to hate her and also my family, since she and my father separated (which is not very good as a person either) I lived moments of bullying and rejection in my high school, I tried to deal with it but it was difficult and the psychologists or teachers blamed me for the situation, I know that being different or having little beauty makes the situation more likely but why other people find it difficult to respect others? and besides I was in love with a boy who ended up not responding to me, so maybe that's why I lived frustrated and angry and slept a lot, actually I don't go out much, I didn't drink, I didn't do crazy things that any teenager would do so maybe that's why I didn't give problems at home, besides that my mother got a partner at that time, and started to be absent for days, I think that being alone at home made me break my self-esteem more but since the day I was rejected and my mother went to live with him I think I felt something that I do not wish to anyone.

After that she sometimes manipulates the family every time we fight to say that I am a lousy daughter and criticizes my tastes, sometimes they blame me for my moments of depression, and say that it is not proper for a college student, since I finished my 2 year degree I have not been able to get a job and that makes me desperate....

Trato de mejorar mi actitud, y es difícil, a veces tropiezo, pero siento que me exigen mucho.

She has a new partner, and is a good mother financially, but emotionally, I don't know....I've already been rejected so much that I'm used to it.
and my father is just a crazy macho man, when I argue with her he has told me that if I want I can go with him and even sleep with him...and I'm like: WTF?!
I accept that she has someone else, but...another useless person, who hurts her, and who also thinks she can get the trust that I haven't given her, it would be nice if at least she would let me make my life after the damage, but I am only tied to her more...or so I feel, I don't know...I need opinions...maybe I am just full of hate.

 

[Mr2005]

You're a new member so I'll let you off for not knowing. Sort of. I ruined it, they just didn't stop me

 

[O_oreo.]

Eres un miembro nuevo, así que te dejaré ir por no saberlo. Algo así como. Lo arruiné, simplemente no me detuvieron.

lo siento, ¿podrías explicarlo?

 

[chocolatebar]

Oh, my... I relate so much...
My parents destroyed all my youth and now will even blame me for not having done things
Cutting ties is much more difficult than many people think

and I lost my train of thought. sorry
gonna lie down for a while

 

[O_oreo.]

Oh, my... I relate so much...
My parents destroyed all my youth and now will even blame me for not having done things
Cutting ties is much more difficult than many people think

and I lost my train of thought. sorry
gonna lie down for a while

no problem, there are times when psychologists are in favor of them and that's my case too, so sometimes I feel like I have no way out.

 

[greencondo]

Sometimes mothers see themselves in you and see their processor. They encourage and uplift you, Other mothers look at you and see what they were or could of been and the resent that. No change of attitude will change that. Many maybe repeating the patterns/experiences from their family.
Mother daughter relationships are complicated and they effect the rest of the daughters life and her relationships.


I've read that a daughter see's heself thru her mother's eyes and if her mother doesn't seem to like her, the daugher can filled with self hate.
There are some decent books on the subject.

 

[chocolatebar]

What did

no problem, there are times when psychologists are in favor of them and that's my case too, so sometimes I feel like I have no way out.

What did the psychologists tell you?

 

[O_oreo.]

A veces las madres se ven en ti y ven su procesador. Te animan y te animan, otras madres te miran y ven lo que fueron o pueden haber sido y las resienten. Ningún cambio de actitud cambiará eso. Muchos tal vez repitiendo los patrones/experiencias de su familia.
Las relaciones madre-hija son complicadas y surgen el resto de la vida de las hijas y sus relaciones.


He leído que una hija se ve a sí misma a través de los ojos de su madre y si a su madre no parece gustarle, la hija puede llenarse de odio hacia sí misma.
Hay algunos libros decentes sobre el tema.

¿Podrías explicar mejor la última parte?

Que hizo

¿Qué te dijeron los psicólogos?

que debo ser considerado con ella ya que es mi madre, me gusta o no (en el fondo la amo, pero extraños esos días en los que podía decir con certeza: esta es mi madre y no me hará daño), y que las cosas que le digo o le hago son muy crueles.

a veces pienso que se aprovecha de mi sensibilidad, timidez y falta de capacidad para defenderme (así me crió).

 

[chocolatebar]

¿Podrías explicar mejor la última parte?

que debo ser considerado con ella ya que es mi madre, me gusta o no (en el fondo la amo, pero extraños esos días en los que podía decir con certeza: esta es mi madre y no me hará daño), y que las cosas que le digo o le hago son muy crueles.

a veces pienso que se aprovecha de mi sensibilidad, timidez y falta de capacidad para defenderme (así me crió).

psychologists aren't supposed to tell us what we should or shouldn't do, but only help us think and decide for ourselves, but many fail to do that, unfortunately.

 

[greencondo]

¿Podrías explicar mejor la última parte?

that I should be considerate with her since she is my mother whether I like it or not (deep down I love her, but I miss those days where I could say for sure: this is my mother and she won't hurt me), and that the things I say or do to her are very cruel.

the last part:
From the time the daughter is a baby, she sees herself through her mother's reactions. It is part of the biology and survival for the child to want to please the mother. If the mother is not happy with the daughter, the daughter tends to internalize that into her self worth and how the daughter views her own self.

There are books written on mother daughter relationships because of the impact they have.

I had to move way and stop talking to my mother, because nothing I said or did made her be nice to me. I let others treat me poorly because I put up with that from her. It was better for me and my brain to walk away.
That wont be true for everyone. Either way, it is important to work on mindfulness.

If your mother is imperfect and trying that is one thing. If she is cruel and dismissive, and even abandon you, then that is another.

 

[O_oreo.]

the last part:
From the time the daughter is a baby, she sees herself through her mother's reactions. It is part of the biology and survival for the child to want to please the mother. If the mother is not happy with the daughter, the daughter tends to internalize that into her self worth and how the daughter views her own self.

There are books written on mother daughter relationships because of the impact they have.

I had to move way and stop talking to my mother, because nothing I said or did made her be nice to me. I let others treat me poorly because I put up with that from her. It was better for me and my brain to walk away.
That wont be true for everyone. Either way, it is important to work on mindfulness.

If your mother is imperfect and trying that is one thing. If she is cruel and dismissive, and even abandon you, then that is another.

When you say she is imperfect and she tries, could you give me an example, because I have been told this but I can't find this in her and also a certain preference for my younger brother (although all parents must have that).

 

[waitingforrest]

I don't really hate my parents, but sometimes I just wonder why the f##k did they make me in the first place. And then try to guilt trip me when I tell them I don't want to live anymore. Everything would be so much better if I wasn't born in the first place. I truly think some people should never have kids.

 

[greencondo]

When you say she is imperfect and she tries, you could give me an example, because I have been told this but I can't find this in her and also a certain preference for my younger brother (although all parents must have that).

I don't know if she tries. that is up to you to decide for yourself. .

Some parents might have a favorite, but that doesn't mean they have to treat the rest of the children poorly or put them down.
But sadly, some do that.

 

[CatLove56]

My parents are nutty but they did what they could. How were they supposed to know I'd be a loser and the world would go to shit? Your parents sound like typical narcissists and I'm sorry for that. It's completely normal to have a degree and not be able to find a job that's something that the colleges tend to forget to mention....not enough comfy gigs out there